Is it wrong to be a 50's housewife?
Hello. I am 19 and going to get married to the most amazing, sweet man alive within the next few months. A little background on me. I'm sort of a hippie, but branch out to other forms of vintage styles like 1940's clothing. Usually cutesy little dresses from Modcloth. My favorite thing in the WORLD to do is cook and bake. I've been told everything I make is delicious, and nothing makes me happier than copying down recipes, making my own and trying out new foods. It's a wonder we're not both huge lol. When my guy's friends are over, I cook for all of them and then we all hang out together. I also actually enjoy cleaning. On any given day, I'm bustling around the house in an apron and heels baking bread and what not. Also, I ADORE grocery shopping. If we have a baby, I'd like to stay home and take care of it. Right now I'm a hostess at a restaurant part time. My boyfriend just landed a job as a general manager at the local BW3's and is making a lot of money, so I don't have to work anymore. He loves the idea of being "traditional" and coming home to me and supporting me. I'll have dinner ready, make him breakfast, etc. I'm very excited about it :). It's what I'm good at! However, a lot of my lady friends have had negative things to say. They say that I should be more independent and assert myself for my rights. I KNOW the rights of women and I'm all about equality, but this is what I've CHOSEN to do. I love it! I know that if I told my boyfriend that I wanted to drop everything and go to law school or something he'd be behind me 100% and do everything he could to help me. He respects the hell out of me and I'm not in any way beneath him. Why are people so against this? Is this degrading myself?
- Anonymous1 decade agoFavorite Answer
Nothing wrong with it at all if that's what you want. Many people question your decision because they've had different experiences. I, for example, was raised by a single working mother. If she hadn't been a working woman, we would have been financially destitute after my dad took off. Therefore, I always thought it was important to work and to be able to provide for my family, with or without my husband's help.
Its all well and good to be a housewife, but you must make sure you can support yourself should the need arise. Often women who are out of the work force for an extended period of time, or who choose not to pursue higher education because they don't have any intent to work, can't get well paying jobs. If your husband became sick or injured, would you be able to make it work financially? Its just something to think through.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
I wish there were more young women like you who can see the value in staying at home, raising a family and talking care of their husband. You absolutely are doing the right thing. In the 1960's women burned their bras , threw off their aprons, left the home and went out to work. That is when the rot set in. The feminist movement has a lot to answer for in my view. Now it is time for women to burn their 2 piece suites, trash their iPad, put on an apron and relearn how to be wives and mothers. Have a read of this blog. http://sharonscrapbook.blogspot.com/2009_05_03_arc...
The "Good wife's guide" is a bit 1950's, but still a good way to start a marriage.
Having a liking for cooking and cleaning is a wonderful attribute in a wife. Both my daughters were raised up to be domestically competent within the home. My eldest is employed as a maid, she cleans and cooks for elderly/disabled folks, but will stay at home when she gets married.
Congratulations and good luck.
- 4 years ago
Personally I think you offering for her to just pay 50/50 towards the bills excluding the mortgage is very reasonable. If she expects to live there for nothing at all and you paying everything then I would suggest that you re-evaluate your relationship. It sounds to me like she wants a free ride and this is unreasonable. But I would suggest that you both sit down and work out exactly how much the monthly bills work out at and split that figure. If some of the monthly bills are for example your Gym membership then she could not be expected to contribute to that. Some people get worried about having a joint account so you need to take that into account too. AT the end of the day. If you feel she just wants to take you for a free ride then think real hard about the direction your relationship is going.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
Nothing is wrong with doing what makes you happy as long as it doesn't hurt others.
You knew the answer to that, though.
A woman in such a position should get married, though. If you don't start a career (being a hostess is not having a career) at some point, if the person who supports you leaves you, what are you going to do? It's wise to have a skill in the bag before becoming a housewife.
Everyone knows there is nothing wrong with being a housewife, just protect yourself, girl. Go to college or at lease have a vocation.
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- 1 decade ago
NO! The home is undervalued in American society due to the fact that we so glorify work and the all-American Dollar that it distributes, but the role which you want to take is not only noble, but NECESSARY TO SOCIETY.
If you want to work, I think you should. But if this is what you want to do, this, too, is a noble calling! It ensures that you will have the time to pay attention to your children and put your family first without your job getting in the way.
However, it might be difficult to maintain financial security without a second income, because so many women do work today. Unfortunately, while you'd be at an advantage in the parenting department, you'd be at a disadvantage in the financial one.
- 1 decade ago
I don't believe so, no. If you want to stay home and care for your fiance and possible future kids, that's YOUR choice. Feminists didn't fight to make all women join the workforce regardless of their financial situation, that fought to give women the CHOICE. Being badgered because you choose to be a housewife seems pretty pathetic.
Why on earth does it even matter to your friends whether you choose to care for your family at home? Do they feel your fiance somehow guilt tripped you into staying at home? It sounds to me like they're actually trying to guilt trip you into working whether you want to or not. Or do they feel that you are somehow betraying what feminists fought for 50 years ago? In case they forgot or just don't know, feminists fought for the CHOICE to pursue life and career options that men had.
Imagine how unquestionably absurd it would be if your friends tried to pull the same thing if you got pregnant and chose not to get an abortion. Caring for your family at home is just as viable a choice as going to work. It sounds like your friends need reminding of that.
- FraggleLv 71 decade ago
You're not degrading yourself. However, there's the problem that in our current economy, choosing not to work for any reason can lead to economic devastation. What if your husband were to be laid off? What if his company went bankrupt? Being a manager at a restaurant is not the most stable, long-term job. My husband makes over $120,000.00 per year, but I still work partially so we can have a safety net if anything happens to his job. It's not likely, but you never know. Ideally, you should both work until you have enough money to live off of for 2-3 years in a savings account, just to be safe.
- Dee in COLv 71 decade ago
I have been where you are and know what can go wrong with this. Please listen to me.
I quit my job 8 years ago to become a housewife to my husband, who had started to make good money but was working longer hours. I loved doing all the cooking and cleaning and errands, and liked having him just come home and relax, with nothing at all he had to do around the house. I loved it, and described myself as a 50s housewife, just like you.
Then my husband got cancer and died. Now, with no one to take care of, I wasn't a 50s housewife, I was just unemployed. I had been unemployed for 5 years. I never bothered to acquire a profession or to make any plans for myself because I thought I'd be married to my husband the rest of my life (he was very healthy). No one would hire me.
We had life insurance which should have provided for me for several years, long enough to go back to school and get myself together. But the stock market tanked in 2008, and I lost 30% of my investments.
I'm getting pretty desperate. I don't know what I'll do if I don't find a job that can pay my rent. I've cut back on my lifestyle as much as I can, even throwing out all my husband's old trophies and awards because I couldn't afford a place big enough to keep them in. I'm probably going to have to move in with my sister and be a nanny to her kids.
I've never been in such a low place. Mostly I go to bed hoping I'll never wake up.
Being a 50s housewife is a nice fantasy, but make sure that if something happens to your husband you can go back to work with enough job skills to support yourself. Don't be as short-sighted as I was.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
do what is going to work best for you as it's your life.
your friends are just different accept that and thank them for their encouragement but you know what makes you happy and that's what your going to do.
Goodness if i did everything my friends suggested I'd be dead by now. lol
Degrading yourself means your going to not do what you love and do something else for someone else. sounds to me youi have no pl ans on doing that so no degrading yourself.
People are against this because they don't like to cook and clean and care for their man. Not your p roblem that's their problem.
- .Lv 61 decade ago
I think it's awesome. I was married at 19 as well. People are against you because they're afraid women might start remembering that they don't have to be modern and feminist to be valuable to their family or society.
I think you'll very much enjoy a traditional lifestyle. Throw that in the face of every snarky person who gets their panties in a twist about it.