I think I may have OCD or schizophrenia. Help?

I have really aggressive thoughts sometimes. I don't even understand why I have them. Usually (not limited to) they're about hurting people. I feel really crappy about myself after these thoughts. I won't go into all of my thoughts because some of them are really disturbing and they come out of no where... show more I have really aggressive thoughts sometimes. I don't even understand why I have them. Usually (not limited to) they're about hurting people. I feel really crappy about myself after these thoughts. I won't go into all of my thoughts because some of them are really disturbing and they come out of no where sometimes. It's surprising and then I start feeling like maybe I'm just a really evil person although I'm considerate of other people, most of the time. I have a heart but sometimes I feel like how can I have a heart with these thoughts in my head! They don't pop up in my head unless I think about it.

So then I thought well these thoughts might be schizophrenia, I started looking up what schizophrenia was. Then right as I saw the symptoms and examples of the symptoms I started like displaying the symptoms in my head. It's almost like once I absorb an idea my mind plays on it. Like when I saw this CSI episode where this person got poisoned with Cyanide, I started worrying about cyanide poisoning. When I read the symptoms of Schizophrenia where you have like hallucinations (Like voices in your head) I started making a voice in my head. Once these ideas are in my head I can't get them out. It's like they become apart of me. Like sometimes I think "what if" all the time for every symptom of schizophrenia. Like people watching you. I started thinking: WELL, WHAT IF someone was watching me. Errr! I can't get these thoughts out of my head and I think I'm starting to convince myself that I have schizophrenia. I'm scared.

I feel like a sicko.
Update: My mind is also very contradicting: Like if I say I'm not a bad person my mind says "yes you are" and really self-depricating thoughts. Everytime I want to feel good about myself my mind will convince me that I shouldn't and that I'm a sick freak who thinks horrible thoughts. I'm 19 about to be 20 soon and I heard... show more My mind is also very contradicting: Like if I say I'm not a bad person my mind says "yes you are" and really self-depricating thoughts. Everytime I want to feel good about myself my mind will convince me that I shouldn't and that I'm a sick freak who thinks horrible thoughts. I'm 19 about to be 20 soon and I heard schizo starts early 20s. I just don't know what to do...I don't have any insurance to go see a doctor. I've been a worry-wart ever since I was in elementary school.
Update 2: Also, like schizo I heard you hear voices in your head and you believe what they're telling you. Like let's say something says, "This is God talking to you!" and I'm an agnostic and I don't really believe in God. I like create scenarios and voices in my head ever since I heard about schizophrenia. NEVER before.... show more Also, like schizo I heard you hear voices in your head and you believe what they're telling you. Like let's say something says, "This is God talking to you!" and I'm an agnostic and I don't really believe in God. I like create scenarios and voices in my head ever since I heard about schizophrenia. NEVER before. it's like my mind is trying to give me these symptoms it's hard to explain. It's like I know they're my voices but I don't understand why my voices are saying these things. It's like WTF? :\
5 answers 5