Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsSingles & Dating · 9 years ago

Has anyone ever given their partner a second chance after they cheated and had the relationship work out?

Backgroud: My boyfriend and I sort of casually dated for about 6months and he kept saying he didn't want to be "official," mainly because he is in a band and he was serious about trying to keep that "image." I liked him a lot for who he was though and stuck around even it was against my intuition sometimes. He had a very serious drinking problem, drinking every day and night, coming home with cuts/scrapes, no knowledge of what just happened, he doesnt even remember the majority of our first 6 months together...but despite all of that, we really got to know each other well and we grew a lot closer. He finally asked me to be his girlfriend and he completely quit drinking too. Since then we have really been the perfect couple and he is so amazing all the time..the problem is that today he confessed that during those first 6 months and on one occasion recently after becoming "official" he was unfaithful to me with several other girls...some he doesnt even remember because he was so wasted. I'm having trouble trying to figure out what to do..but I really truly believe that he is a completely different person from the guy I met before...and I believe him when he says he will never do it again..he made A LOT of mistakes during that time, and he hasn't repeated any of them yet. He has grown up more than I thought anyone could in that time period and he told me for the first time that he loves me and that the reason he had to tell me now is because at first he didn't think our relationship would last (he thought i would get fed up with him and break up) so he thought he would do the "easy" thing and just not say anything..but now we've grown so close and really fallen in love and he said he can't picture ever being with anyone else and he wants to grow old with me etc...this is all very fresh so its hard to say with any certainty what will happen, but i would like to give him another shot...i just wanted to see if anyone else has done this and had their relationship work out successfully. Or has anyone ever been a chronic cheater and then HONESTLY did a full change and never cheated again?

Sorry about the length of this question...thanks for reading and answering!

(we've been an official couple for over a year now, and its been over a year since the time he cheated on me when we were official)

7 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    9 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    Speaking from experience... If he's willing to do some serious work on himself- maybe. If he just promises that it will never happen again, and that he's a completely different person now, but never really figures out why he was willing to hurt you for his own needs - no. It took me five years in a relationship with a completely sober guy, who was as devoted to me as he could be to anyone, but was just not ready to settle down, to realize this. He may be amazing and your soul mate, etc. etc. And you may look at him and see that deep down, he deserves a devoted relationship with a truly caring person. Just because he deserves it, though, doesn't mean he's ready to either appreciate it or deal with it, and in the meantime, you still have your own life to live. If you are unsure, maybe it's better just to put the relationship on hold for awhile, and live separate lives while you each figure yourselves out? Either way, best of luck to both of you, and take care of yourself:)

  • Monte
    Lv 4
    9 years ago

    Sweetie,

    Once someone cheats in a relationship there will always be trust issues. Any time he does not show up when he said he would, you will wonder? Most people that cheat once will do it again and again! You deserve better than that! I'm sorry, but I do not think u could ever 100% trust him again even though u love him now. Without trust in a relationship, it will fall apart. Faithfulness and honesty is 2 of the foundations in any long lasting relationship. I do very much feel for you and wish you the best!

  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    Given her 3 chances even after she told me herself "Once a cheater always a cheater" if anyone cheats it means that they're weak willed and the love they had for you wasn't that strong to begin with. Dump them on the spot.

    Don't let yourself get ****** over as many times as I did.

    Source(s): Personal expirence with a relationship of 2 years.
  • 9 years ago

    i didnt even read ur full essay, but if they cheat onces. u shud never give em a chance. if theey truli cherish u in the first place, it wudnt happen. of course everyone deserves a 2nd chance. but with a cheating relationship, NO!

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  • 9 years ago

    give him a chance he's obviously trying to do the right thing. Most guys wouldn't even confess.

  • omg no if he does it the first time he will do it again never take a cheater back they just cause more harm

  • 9 years ago

    no. although this may sound cliché, once a cheater always a cheater, the end.

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