Should I confront my husband?
My Husband has always had a password on his cell phone ever since i met him. I would ask him for the pass to make a phone call or something and he'd rudely grab the phone from me and say don't touch my phone its my privacy. I let it go even though he was always grabbing my phone and playing games.
But then the same thing situation was happ with his email and his facebook, he wouldent share it with me. I thought things would change after we got married but they didnt. Every time i ask him why he knows my passwords and i dont know his he says "Baby, u always think im doing something bad, which im not, im always working and u know that, i dont want to give u the pass bc then u will always be checking my perso stuff when there is nothing there to find".
Well after 4 yrs of being together i finally figured out his iphone pass and when i logged into his facebook acct i saw a mess convo between him and his x abt how they miss the old days and then as i was exiting from it and trying to get into his email i accidentally got into his safari and saw a search for escorts, i thought maybe someone from work used it or something (obviously lying to myself) but then i went to the history tab and it was disgusting, he had days and days worth of escort searching for our home area. I feel sick to my stomach, i don't know what to do.
Thank god we dont have kids but i recently graduated and am not financially secure, he is and he really takes care of me. I cant go to my mom bc she will have a heart attack, my dad has never liked him, same for my bro and my sis is to young to help. I dont have a real friend to tell my problem to that wouldn't end up turning it into gossip. Someone please help, i've been playing it normal but i just cant any more. I am so scared he has given me something from one of these girls.....
I feel like leaving him but i'm thinking to play it smart until i get on my feet but i don't know if i can do it. This man (my disgusting husband) was my first everything, i never had a boyfriend till him and that was my early twenties, i mean he was my first kiss, for gods sake i gave him my virginity bc i felt i married the right person. I saved and saved for the perfect man to come along and give him my everything and now find out he is a pervert.
Everything he has ever told me seems like a lie.
What do I do? help? help?
- Anonymous10 years agoFavorite Answer
I'm sorry honey.
you know you cant live with this cra p for ever
You already know the answer
Marry me instead
- 10 years ago
First off, I think you do need a plan. He sounds like an ******. But it also sounds like you are not satisfying him. If hes going outside the relationship for this type of sex he must be pretty hard up or he is a Sex Junky. I think you need to have a plan on how to bring this up and where. You need to go see a good therapist but you also need to protect yourself in case it all blows up in your face and he gets violent. First you made a vow to be married to this guy so you do need to see if theres a solution to make you both happy. Neither one of you sounds very satisfied. Next you should make sure you have a credit card, car, cash on hand and a place to stay like a sister or family member who supports you. Set yourself up to stay the night at that persons house and keep it secret. Then I would Find a place(in public) to have the conversation with him and hit him with all of this. Maybe you could get a therapist involved and ask him to come meet you there at a certain time and tell him its really important. Then whatever happens at least you have an out. You sound like a beautiful person and you wont have problems finding someone else if it doesn't work out. But be prepared for the worse and only the best will happen. You may even have to file a restraining order also. You can also go out and buy a car anytime. Your debt is his debt. You should have all the security you need. I have a great therapist in Newport Beach if you need her# .
- 10 years ago
yeah, play it smart, don't leave him yet. Just stop being intimate with him. Meanwhile, maybe start looking for someone else. Then when you are secure about that new person - leave the perv. Create a free email account (like yahoo for example) and use it to talk to someone new (don't give your husband the passwords). You already figured your husband out so just be happy thinking about the future without him. (for now, if you really feel disgusted) You can also say that you are gong to visit your family for a week and just don't come back for longer, hopefully never. But no matter what just try to be happy: go do shopping on his money (but still don't be intimate with him).
see, you don't have children or pets, so you are pretty much FREE (besides, you just graduated, it' not like you still have to study).
so don't stress out
- Al BLv 710 years ago
You need to move back in with your mom and dad They don't have to know anything more than that there are problems with the marriage to begin with. If they do find out, they will give you sympathy and not really be as upset as you may think because if your dad didn't like him, I am sure there were conversations between him and your mother about this. You may even find that they are surprised that it took you this long to find out what they suspected all along, and will be glad to have you back home. If by some manner there is gossip, it will be what a jerk he is and how sorry they feel that you had to go through this.
- How do you think about the answers? You can sign in to vote the answer.
- NinaLv 710 years ago
While I think we all do need a level of privacy, there seems to be a double standard here. Now we know why. He was hiding something. You always have to go with your gut feel. There was no reason for him to be so touchy with his phone and doesn't seem to mind using your phone at his leisure.
If you are really interested in leaving him, I would suggest confiding in your family. If you know they will be there for you, that is what you need right now. They might be able to take you in.
I do suggest you see an attorney. The first consultation is free. It would be very informative and liberating to do this.
- VekLv 410 years ago
The best way is to approach it directly. Just tell him you know why he has hidden his password all this time and you need to talk about it. Don't believe for a moment your parents will not help you, that's all in your head.
- e wLv 710 years ago
You saved and saved "for the perfect man?" You'll never find a perfect man, nor are you a perfect woman. Expecting perfection in anyone is very unrealistic.
You didn't trust him to begin with, and it appears you deluded yourself.
It sounds to me like you need to leave, but it's up to you.
- RoseLv 710 years ago
I'm sorry you gave all your trust into this man, many women think they found the right guy and end up finding out the terrible truth.
You should hire a lawyer and file divorce.
- Anonymous10 years ago
So what you are saying is that your need to be nosey and snoop is creating a problem in your relationship , right ?
Well , as highly complex as the theory is , maybe if you give up on snooping there won't be a problem ?
BTW , when you close and lock the bathroom door , what are you hiding ? or do you just want some privacy ?
- hotgirl0785Lv 510 years ago
Play it smart till you can stand on your own, then live him.