Is this OCD, depression, or Psychosis?
Years ago I went through a serious bout of depression. I had fits of rage and crying and purposely avoided friends and places I enjoyed. A doctor put me on Lexapro, and antidepressant. I got better. years later, I have a new problem. I thought it was the same old depression with a new twist. but it's not.
My last psychiatrist tried treating me for a problem I had. he diagnosed it as depression and said that I also had OCD. This was because I had a depressed mood and frequently battled thoughts of anxiety.
This doctor tried me on a few different medications. Either they had no effect or they had terrible effects. They made me more depressed, anxious, and at one point suicidal. They were all small doses, but they showed their effects within days. The drugs that had these disastrous effects were Imipramine and Lexapro.
I'm seeing a new doctor now. This one says the root problem is NOT depression or OCD. He says it's psychosis. His reasons for his diagnosis are this:
The obsessive negative thoughts are a manifestation of the paranoia attribute of psychosis. These thoughts include worrying about getting diseases, worrying about dying tomorrow from something, worrying about aging or getting alzheimers, worrying about thinning on top, worrying about getting diabetes, worrying that I might be schizophrenic, worrying that I got braindamage from the smell of a dry-erase marker, the list goes on and on. Some of these are too irrational to list. Some days they're tollerable, other days they make me anxious, even cry, or prevent me from doing my work.
Another symptom that I had described to both doctors was the fact that nearly every task that I start, or even think about starting, causes me stress and anguish as if it were some daunting job having to clean up after a hurricane. This is true for nearly everything I do including things I enjoy doing. Hanging out with friends, just watching a movie alone, or painting which I love to do will sometimes feel this way and compell me to avoid these things.
The first doctor said that this anxiety over starting things was possibly ADD. He tried me on ritalin for that with equally disastrous results. Then he tried me on neuropheedback treatment. It improved my memory, that I am sure of. The second Doctor said that symptom was also due to psychosis because it shows there are two thoughts fighting eachother simultaneously with each of these actions I take. Things do seem much easier for me when decissions are made for me.
The new doctor's solution was to put me on Seroquel, an antipsychotic. Part of me feels willing to try and hopeful that this might be the long sought-after solution to everything, but I am also terrified of meds now after what happened with the last two. It feels like "well, gator wrestling didn't work. let's try shark jumping instead." just reading the list of possible side effect of seroquel makes me scared.
Why don't I halucinate then if I have psychosis? The doctor feels strongly that it is psychosis, but I don't experience halucinations. I also do know that I have OCD because as a kid I would ritualistically trace cracks in the ground and felt annoyed if I couldn't.
I told my doctor I didn't want to try another medication unless he felt damn sure that it would work when all the other backfired majorly. He still felt confident that I should go through with it. I'm still recovering my sanity from the last medication I tried, so I'm not eager to comply.
The big question ow is this: am I finnally getting new answers that I have been seeking all along, or am I only finding new questions and getting more lost?
Is there anyone out there in this lonely world who has experienced anything related to this and can give me some dirrection?
Can neurofeedback help with psychosis as well?
I greatly appreciate any experience you can empart