Does anyone know of a website where I can find help?

Hello, first I would like to say please don't judge. I feel being gay is a disease of the soul and mind that i must get rid of. I have been having sex with men for 3 years now and its been sick,gross, and depressing.Before I started I would constant catch guys how I found attractive staring at me after. I... show more Hello, first I would like to say please don't judge. I feel being gay is a disease of the soul and mind that i must get rid of. I have been having sex with men for 3 years now and its been sick,gross, and depressing.Before I started I would constant catch guys how I found attractive staring at me after. I figure this was the devil way of tempting me. Now I am constantly turned down by guys who i find slightly attractive and force by my sins to be with older guys. Today I woke up feeling sick thinking my pains and struggles where a sign from God. He wants me to turn back towards him. I must get rid of this. I don't want to be gay anymore. I hate it with a passion i hate the community, i hate the porn, i hate the groups. I'm looking for a friend I can go through these changes with. I want to come out of this. I want to go back to God. Its really hard to do it alone. If anyone knows of a discrete website i can go to please help me. If your going through the same thing please let me know. when can exchange emails read from scripture.
Update: please don't say church or my pastor. I dont want to do this publicly i want this to be discrete at least for awhile.
Update 2: i have been tested. Im clean....I dont want to talk to my pastor yet im not that comfortable with him. DOES ANYONE KNOW OF A WEBSITE?
Update 3: Being gay isnt me. Its a disease I'm always depressed always wanting always lonely. Please if you dont understand and have nothing positive to say please dont answer. Im looking for help not to be hurt
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