My moms love triangle! help!?
my mom was w/ my stepdad since i was 5&hes been the only dad ive had. 5yrs ago they got divorced. She got w/ her new man. Hes a nice guy& everything was ok but she wont let me invite my stepdad to any parties or holidays - so i have to rearrange everything & it kinda sucks-but i deal.Then all of a sudden last month she starts seeing my stepdad again. Then she moves in w/ me. Then all of a sudden she dumps her bf & wants me to hate him-so I do distance myself from the guy, but not that much. my kids are attached hes not a bad guy-i dont hate her bf- i feel sorry for him. Now this past wk shes moved back w/ her bf & now were just supp. to pretend nothing happen. It wouldnt of been so bad but she had my stepdad around my kids claiming she was back w/ him & now they dont get it. i suggested she tell her bf what the happ. shes like no. then she tells me today she might move back in w/ us. im stuck getting ?s from my kids, stepdad & the bf & my husbands mad cause he dont want my mom here everytime she starts acting dumb-he has to move her everytime. shes always boo hooing & asking me for help - granted shes my mom shes help me - but i feel like this is gotten way out of hand. everytime she fights w one i get called. ive told her no, hung up on her, but she keeps calling & she is my mom. shes mad at me cause i wont hate whatever guys shes not with. i feel like im the mom & shes my kid. so heres my ? am i wrong for being mad? how do i keep me & my family out of this? how do i deal w everyones questions? ty
- ScorpioLv 49 years agoFavorite Answer
Hi, the best thing would be to distance yourself and your family from her, it is not fair to your children or your husband, to put them through this and it is not fair to yourself either. You care as you say because she is your mom, but as your mom, surely she should be showing you respect by not involving you in her confusing love life, she should also respect herself, which she clearly does not. You should talk to her and tell her how you feel, tell that for your children's sake at least, she must be more settled in her relationship as you can no longer be there to take her in when she calls, as it is not fair to any of you as it happens far too often, tell her that despite your love for her, your children are totally confused as they ask questions and you are not sure what to tell them for fear of change yet again. Tell your mom also that as she has no control, you are going to take control, tell her that if you want to invite your step father who to you is your father, you will, no matter who she is with at the time, tell her that what she has asked from you in the past was totally unreasonable, and tell her that it is because of your love for her, that you have put a stop to it, soon your children wont want to talk to anyone for fear of them disappearing out of their lives as these two men have been. Enough is enough, i know it will be painful, but you must be brave and your husband will be right there beside you backing you up. It is your life, so take charge and lead it as you want to. With peace and harmony and no fear of not knowing the answers to your children's questions. You have a great husband, and lovely children, be there for them, and do not feel guilt at having to refuse your mom, because you are surely not the guilty one. Tell her that she is putting a strain on your marriage and when she moans, ask her where her love for you and your family are, because she would not put you through this, if she had any. Take care.