I need to perform a colonoscopy to myself.?

I need a colonoscopy performed on me but unfortunately in these economic times I can not afford a doctor. I'm pretty sure I can do it myself but what should I get to perform it. The only store near me is a home depot so the tools need to be from there. What items should I get. I have a very low budget so... show more I need a colonoscopy performed on me but unfortunately in these economic times I can not afford a doctor. I'm pretty sure I can do it myself but what should I get to perform it. The only store near me is a home depot so the tools need to be from there. What items should I get. I have a very low budget so don't pick anything too expensive.
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