Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 9 years ago

My ex girlfriend died and we share a 9month old son her parents are fighting me for custody what do i do?

My ex girlfriend was 19 and i am 18 we share a 9 month old son together well we shared 50/50 custody and i paid child support on time every month and both were court ordered. Well my ex died and so now i am being granted full sole custody of him except there is one problem her parents are fighting me for custody of him and i do not understand why. I am in college and i work two jobs and everything and i want my son i love him more then anything and her parents wont give me a good answer as to why there doing this i know they hate me but i haven't done anything for them to hate me. My girlfriend thinks there just trying to be spiteful. I didn't want it this way but they made there daughter break up with me. They keep claiming they have grandparent rights but my lawyer says thats bs. Advice?

12 Answers

  • 9 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    Some states allow for grandparents rights. Not sure which state you are in and if there is an option there or not.

    They are missing their daughter and their grief is causing them to want to hold onto the one thing she left behind... her son. They probably don't know what is driving them, or probably don't want to admit if it it crossed their minds. It's not rational. When a person loses a child, even if that child is an adult, it doesn't matter. The grief is horrendous!

    If you are doing everything right, it's not likely they will win custody. One thing you can offer them, after they lose, is the proverbial olive branch. Tell them you are happy to have them in your sons life and that you are happy for them to visit. But any further attempts at custody and all of that will make you feel less inclined towards them.

    If it were me, I'd offer them a visitation schedule (through the lawyer only!). See if they'll take it instead of a custody suit. A visitation schedule between two parties is not legally binding unless you have a judge sign it, which is something I am not suggesting! Just a nice schedule between two people that a lawyer penned up to leave you with all the rights. To leave you the option of denying the visitation if needed. Like if the child is sick or something. But a good reason and never a vindictive one.

    It's a shame all of this happened. Just try to accept how much pain her parents are in. I doubt highly they hate you. But it must be hard to see their grandchild with his dad and new girlfriend. They probably feel like the new girlfriend is trying to take the place as mom, take the place of their daughter. Can you consider that? can you imagine that? Imagine if you died and your ex had a new boyfriend already. Wouldn't you feel like he was going to try to take your place? Try, just try, to understand it from their side, even when they don't get it themselves.

    Make certain you have your parents stand up in court and explain they will be there for you and baby. Working two jobs and going to school makes it seem like you won't have enough time to raise a child, so make certain you have a great support system in place! do it right away.

  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    "Spiteful"? I'm sorry but did you happen to miss the fact that their daughter died? And now the only time they get to see their daughter's legacy should you deem fit to bring the child around? (Or actually think to.) They're going through two profound loses here - their daughter and their grandchild. Have a little more sympathy and understanding.

    You're also cutting out a great resource here. You work two jobs and go to college - also apparently dating "the brainless wonder" - what time do you really have to devote to a nine month old who needs round the clock attention? They can also use your busy schedule and whatever you call a living situation against you kiddo, it would be a good idea for you to play ball here. Before this turns into an ugly mess, or an even uglier mess, you need to talk with them out of court. I highly suggest having a sit down where you can just talk about the situation and how you would like to resolve it. Simply state that you have NO intention of cutting them out of your son's life (they're his mother's parents and the closest thing he has to her - you BETTER not cut them out without a damn good reason). You have guardianship of the child but that you would like it if you could all set up a visiting schedule that a judge would sign off on to make it legit. Try to settle this out of court like decent human beings.

  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    understand the grandparents postion. they have lost their daughter, and their grandson is all they had left of her. i bet they supported him, gave them a home and were always there when needed. do they have grandparent rights? YES THEY DO and a judge will award them visitation. however, UNLESS you are a drug addict, a drunk, a proven child abuser, or shown to be an endangerment to your child, they will NEVER get custody of him in any form.

    this is hwere YOU take the correct initiative. put a legal proposal to them. OFFER them visitation once a month for a weekend with the child in their home PAST a certain age, when your boy is comfortable sleeping there - maybe 5-6 yrs old starting. until he's that age. OFFER them the option to babysit for you when you need someone, OFFER them a visit once or twice a month, whether in your home or theirs so they can see their grandbaby. the condition must always be that they will act in kind towards the child and not do or say anything disparaging about you to the child or in front of the child at any time, or you will retain the legal right to cease visitation.

    judges and courts will look favourably on you for this and it will certainly make you a bigger and better person. remember always that your ex gf - your sons mom, and her parents and his cousins etc are always a part of his life, and do not vanish out of his life along with her tragic death.

    strength to you to make the right choices. you say you don't understand why they're doign wha tthey're doing - put yourself into their shoes and see they are probably scared shyteless - they lose their daughter and their grandson at once - show them you will not be such a moron (some are) as to pretend they don't exist, and that your son will always know and have access to both sets of his legal grandparents, and they don't need to waste money in a court because they think you will cut them out of his life.

    tell them they can't proive you infit in any way so this is a waste of money to pay a laywer's mortgage fighting a battle they can't win, and they're only fighting out of desperation anyway. suggest they could put this money into a college fund for their grandson and play a constructive part in your lives instead.

    good luck.

  • 9 years ago

    In some states, maybe even all there are grandparents rights, but they have to prove without a doubt that you are an unfit parent. The only advice I have is to let them do what they're doing and do your best to stay strong and take care of your son. It's sad that they are doing this- maybe they're just trying to hold on to their daughter. If you can make visitation arrangements with them outside of court, to make this less dirty, try that too. Other than that, there's not much you can do.

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  • 9 years ago

    You should have no problem keeping custody of your son if everything you said is true (and i trust it is) Fight for him and really show the judge that you care and you want nothing else but the best interest for your son. Be honest about every question that is asked to you. Some judges favor honesty. Good Luck and I hope you get to keep you son. But make sure you leave the door open to your ex's parents that they are still welcome to see your son because they are still his grandparents. If they see that they will still get to have a relationship with their grandson, it is more likely that they will become less of a problem and they won't pester you as much.

  • 9 years ago

    well like your lawyer said it is bs all grandparents right does is let them see there grandchild not have custody .they are doing this because that child is the last thing of there daughter and they dont want to loose that they miss there daughter so much they are taking it out on you they dont hate you at this point they are just lost and have just make sure you dont take him away from them as for court your are the father and you have all the rights to your son as for them let them be grandparents and let them know that you are not taking him from them and just remember to always tell your son about his mom keep pictures in his room good luck

  • 9 years ago

    You are smart to obtain a lawyer.

    It seems like the grandparents want the grandchild because this is the last piece of their daughter. Making your girlfriend brake up with you is something else. You did not give more details on that.

    My advise to you is to have your attorney talk to their attorney to find out what is going on with them. Your working two jobs and school also may be something that you may want to look into. You can't possibly have quality time with your son. When we have children and we are trying to achieve our goals, something is going to have to give.

    Show the grandparents that you are responsible. They probably already know this but you are going to have to prove to the courts this also.

    Good Luck

  • Anna E
    Lv 7
    9 years ago

    Not all states have grandparents rights laws. In the states that do, these rights usually amount to rights of visitation, not custody. If you have retained an attorney, just do what he says, he knows the law. I doubt that they will be able to get custody, but they may be awarded reasonable visitation with the child.

  • 9 years ago

    Sorry for your loss.

    You're a grownup already, if you believe in your decision and your deceased loved one's than go for it. I am sure she would want your son to grow up with a father. It is going to be hard, but it is something that you can handle. If ever you need help, I'm sure your parents will help you. And also allow the baby's mom's parents visit/take care of the child too (sometimes a child will help bring families closer). But show them that you can take care of your child. and listen to your lawyer too.

    hope everything works out for you.

  • 9 years ago

    This is your son, if you really love him and you believe that being with you is best for him then fight for him. Try not to argue with the grandparents though, don't give them any reason to believe that you can't handle the situation, prove to them that you are responsible and that you are a responsible parent. Prove to them that you are willing to put your child first and that you will do anything for him. You are a parent, this is your child not theirs, if you have nothing to hide then go for it, fight for your son.

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