Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Entertainment & MusicJokes & Riddles · 9 years ago

Have you heard these Church bloopers?

Church Bloopers 1

1) Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

2) The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.

4) Evening massage - 6 p.m.

5) The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.

6) The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession.

7) Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30 p.m. Please use the back door.

8) Ushers will eat latecomers.

9) The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical accomplishment.

10) For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

11) The Rev. Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience.

12) The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."

13) During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.

14) Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on "It's a Terrible Experience."

15) Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing services will be discontinued until further notice.

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1) Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the carpet will come forward and do so.

2) The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be seen in the church basement Saturday.

3) Thursday night--Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.

4) The Lutheran men's group will meet at 6 p.m. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.

5) A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

6) 8 new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

7) The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.

8) At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

9) The preacher will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth With Joy."

10) Today... Christian Youth Fellowship Sexuality Course, 8 p.m. Please park in the rear parking lot for this activity.

11) During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when A.B. Doe supplied our pulpit.

12) The Rev. Adams spoke briefly, much to the delight of his audience.

13) The church is glad to have with us today as our guest minister the Rev. Shirley Green who has Mrs. Green with him. After the service we request that all remain in the sanctuary for the Hanging of the Greens.

if you liked these humorous bloopers please give me a star! Thanks!

Update:

Good one Janet thanks!

Katie cotton thanks for the compliments!

Answered your question Lebrowski, and thanks!

3 Answers

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  • 9 years ago
    Best Answer

    I loved these so much, i literally ROFL-ed :D

    They were all so funny,

    They made my day :')

    I had tears streaming down my face my the end of them!

    Thank-you so much, the world is now a happier place thanks to you!!!

    Much'Love,

    KallyRainxxxxx

  • janet
    Lv 7
    9 years ago

    Just gave you a star! Those were so funny. You've given me my 2nd laugh for the day (and you also gave me my first with the husband jokes).

    One joke I remember about a church notice was:

    Due to the fire at the Community Building last week, the Weight Watchers meeting will be held at the First Baptist Church on Main Street. Please enter through the large double doors on the east side of the church.

  • 9 years ago

    HAHAHA! omg

    the only time church is interesting, when they **** up

    help with mine?

    http://ca.answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Au...

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