My girlfriend cheated on me with her ex, says she has no doubt that she wants to be with me, what do i do?
Been with this girl only for 4 months, she was with her ex for 6 years since end of high school...
I told her to be honest about who she wants to be with & if she's even a little confused about her ex, I told her even if it was going to hurt me to tell me, because I have no problem walking away...
Obviously now I have a lot of trust issues & i know for a fact that he phones her, she has told me that he believes they will be back together 1 day & he is always the one that pops up & calls her usually months & more apart almost as if he is waiting...
She says that she doesn't want to hurt his feelings by saying that he has to move on & to cut contact from her... Which I kinda get the feeling she is being truthful about, even if she has cheated on me...
She says she is 100 % in her head that she does not want to be with him, but she says it's only when he calls or see's him face to face that he knows the right things to say & do to manipulate her...
Because of this I have told that she really needs to tell him that she's cutting contact with him, 1: to let her heal herself 2. so I can gain my trust back
I have given her till Tuesday to do this & record it (very immature I know but she has agreed to this) & it's the only way I can trust her without worrying
She says shes really not looking forward to doing it but she says she doesn't want to lose me... I have said that it has to be like this or I am walking...
I asked her to say that she has a boyfriend & to tell him to leave her alone but she said that was too much & it would hurt him too much, but she is just to nicey nicey & doesn't like the hard decision
I have even gave her the absolute chance to tell me that she is a little confused as to weather she wants me & I made it clear that I would be fine with it & walk away, but she told me she 100% wants to be with me
I just think that she's trying to get away with just letting this pass by somehow, but she needs to get her head straight man, I've had this before & I don't want this again....
Please some advice people..
- 1 decade agoFavorite Answer
You have to do what is best for you. It was really admirable of you to give her a chance at a relationship with you after what she has done. Obviously, this is what your heart has allowed you to do. I would suggest that since the two of you have discussed this and have come to a agreement and conclusion there is nothing more to do now but wait. Wait until after Tuesday and see what happens if that is what you feel you want to do. I would however make sure that she does this in front of you. If she is serious and desires to have a relationship with you she needs to end it with him once and for all and move on with her life in another direction. You must do what is best for you, do not allow her to walk all over you and have this man waiting in the wings for her to make up her mind. Good luck to you.
- ScrewyLv 51 decade ago
Well I agree with kttlwst & Harriet! (in parts)
But I'd say your gf still has feelings for her ex because
#1 .>> She says that she doesn't want to hurt his feelings by saying that he has to move on & to cut contact from her... Which I kinda get the feeling she is being truthful about, even if she has cheated on me...<<
#2 >> She says shes really not looking forward to doing it but she says she doesn't want to lose me...<<
#3 >> I asked her to say that she has a boyfriend & to tell him to leave her alone but she said that was too much & it would hurt him too much<<
#4 why did she cheat on you with him?
#5 >> She says she is 100 % in her head that she does not want to be with him, but she says it's only when he calls or see's him face to face that he knows the right things to say & do to manipulate her...
No excuse for #5 really, is there Dan? she's not 100%, either she wants you or him, whatever he says to her should be water off a ducks back with added "it's over between us, I'm with Dan now, not you"
As you say - it's mucking up your trust issues, trust is a major part in relationships. You (In my eyes) have been good (& brave) enough to give her the ultimatum that she didn't deserve. (any other person would've kicked her @$$)
An ex is an ex for a reason.
Balls in your court now mate, I hope it works out.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
I was burnt badly myself at the start of my relationship with my ex GF her ex was in the picture i found texts on her fone i confronted and she said it would stop it did for a year and a half and guess what she ran back to her ex. In the mean time used me broke my heart and the sick thing about it is she ended almost two years together over a text been 3 months not one bit of contact from here bought a ring that she knew about etc etc. So my advice is pull out now because if you don't you will get burnt and burnt badly; I wish I did but "love" had set in and I believed her. But what goes around comes around and comes around twice as bad.
Best of luck and take the advice!!
- 5 years ago
You're only shot at getting your ex back is to follow the right steps that will make her ask you to get back together. Learn here https://tr.im/yBZHt
Maybe if you broke up with her, then you might be able to be the one who brings up the subject of getting back together. But if you can do it without, it would be much better. But how do you get someone back without seeming desperate? In order to get your ex girlfriend attention, you have to show value without telegraphing your interest in her, while at the same time initiating interaction. So don't ignore your ex texts and calls when they break up with you. It screams that you are so devastated by the breakup that you can't even handle talking to her. You want to respond to her, but do it in the right way. You can even initiate communication if you do it in the right way. You have to maintain a strong frame of confidence, and show your ex girlfriend that your happiness isn't dependent on being with her
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- Anonymous1 decade ago
You need to break it off with this girl and give yourself some time to heal and get over it. You have been hurt and you need to do this either way that it eventually turns out. By using this time apart, it will give her a chance to decide who she wants to be with. And you need this time to see if you can ever trust her again. A relationship without trust is nothing and will divide soon or destroy both.
- Anonymous6 years ago
This intensive guide teaches men and women bring their exes back using simple text messages and a step-by-step 8-week system http://getyourexback.toptips.org/
- LockLv 41 decade ago
I don't think you girlfriend really knows what she wants. You need to give her space for a time where she can be with her ex and for her to decide whether this person is the one she wants to be with. I know that sounds hard but if she still has feeling for her ex then she can not be totally committed to you until she resolves her feelings. If she chooses you than she has to cut her ties with her ex.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
sorry to say this.... BUT SHE'S A WORTHLESS WHORE!!!
you sound like a nice guy, there are a gazillion of women out there looking for a relationship and many of them are worth the effort.... so if I was you I would protect my feelings from getting hurt and ditch this girl who sounds like a potential tramp!
- 1 decade ago
okay you put the threat down, good job, now you need to give her some space, soon she'll realise your drifting and if she reeally wants to be with you she'll get rid of the other guy, but dont completely ignore her or things could go the wrong way!