Do i need to change anything in this neanderthal story?

I'm taking history 10 and we have to write a story about mainly neanderthals. We're writing as if we're modern humans and we're meeting the neanderthals and spending time with them.
Update: Today it’s colder than usual. I can feel the cold wind lurking towards us. I know it’s coming really soon. We children and the women went gathering for food today. While during the past couple of days, the men went hunting for food. Although, they must not have been lucky since they’ve not come home yet. Now we... show more Today it’s colder than usual. I can feel the cold wind lurking towards us. I know it’s coming really soon.

We children and the women went gathering for food today. While during the past couple of days, the men went hunting for food. Although, they must not have been lucky since they’ve not come home yet. Now we have to work harder for food and gather such things like berries and potatoes. Hopefully this will last us until the next gathering day.
I know our men will come home soon will food, they’re always successful.

This day the men also brought us back two red deer. I watched as one woman used a sharp scraper to clean the animal for us to eat. It was very good news. But now, we have clothing from the mammal too. Now the women can make us more clothing for the upcoming period of cold. Things have been going very well.

While the women were doing their work, the children and I went to look for more berries or plants. While we were looking, we stumbled upon a stone shaped spe
Update 2: spear. That was not familiar at all to us. We do not use those kinds of spears to hunt. We have more advanced spears such as anthro-tip spears. Somebody or something else is around here, a stranger... The following day while we the men went hunting once again, we went with the women so we could all cleanse. As... show more spear. That was not familiar at all to us. We do not use those kinds of spears to hunt. We have more advanced spears such as anthro-tip spears. Somebody or something else is around here, a stranger...

The following day while we the men went hunting once again, we went with the women so we could all cleanse. As we reached the cold flowing water, we were all hearing quaint noises close by. Not an animal, but almost like a conversation between two people. All of our heads quickly examined to find the sound. Finally I saw it. It was creatures, about six to be exact. Almost like another one of us. We are no longer living alone here...

I could most definitely tell that they weren’t us though, but they were not an animal either. They had very large noses located on their pale skin and had long red hair, well longer than ours. They also seemed rather short, but very strong. The creatures were wearing bulky animal skin to keep their short bodies warm. They had no chin and their front teet
Update 3: All of the sudden, I remembered about the piece of stone shaped spear I found. I opened my hand out to show them and got many responses. I couldn’t understand what they were saying, but I’m positive that they were trying to say that it was theirs. The day after, a couple of us went back to find the unfamiliar... show more All of the sudden, I remembered about the piece of stone shaped spear I found. I opened my hand out to show them and got many responses. I couldn’t understand what they were saying, but I’m positive that they were trying to say that it was theirs.

The day after, a couple of us went back to find the unfamiliar ones. In a field next to the river, we found the men hunting down a cattle. We watched as we kept our distance while they were running towards the animal and stabbing their spears to kill the beast. This was not as successful as our way of hunting. We would simply throw our spears directly at the pray to kill.

Suddenly, the beast was running after one of their men. So our male leader threw his spear just in time to save his life. It was amazing. They stared at us, but this time it was a good stare, like a thank you.

We stayed with them for a while since they offered to share their kill with us. They were all eating it raw; none of it was even cooked. So I decided to mak
Update 4: . So I decided to make a fire with the help of one of the older creatures. They too know how to make fires. They put in tinder fungus to help grow the fire like they would usually use. I showed them how we eat our kill, by cooking it first. They all seemed to enjoy it a lot better. Later, we walked back to... show more . So I decided to make a fire with the help of one of the older creatures. They too know how to make fires. They put in tinder fungus to help grow the fire like they would usually use. I showed them how we eat our kill, by cooking it first. They all seemed to enjoy it a lot better.

Later, we walked back to their cave with them. They didn’t have any art in there whatsoever like we would. Our men would create art in our caves but I guess they don’t. The only kind of art that I noticed that they made was tools such as hand axes, side scrapers, triangular points and spears.

In ways they seemed similar to us. The women and men would be divided in their roles. The men would go out and hunt for food while the women would stay home and do their duties such as preparing food. The woman would scrape the fat off the animal with a sharp blade. The women would also make clothing from animal skin and would usually make shelters for their families. They were also quite compassionate like us.
Update 5: We went back to our shelter to go back with our group. I still saw them every so often. As I did, I noticed that they ate a lot of meat. They never ate as much plants as we do. The men would go hunting and that would be their food. I also remarked that sometimes they would scavenge. If they saw an animal already... show more We went back to our shelter to go back with our group. I still saw them every so often. As I did, I noticed that they ate a lot of meat. They never ate as much plants as we do. The men would go hunting and that would be their food. I also remarked that sometimes they would scavenge. If they saw an animal already dead, it was easier for them to eat that way. They didn’t go gathering for plants a lot like we do. About eighty-five percent of their food is meat and that’s very different compared to our food diet.

As I woke up with my family the next day, I knew something wasn’t right. A heavy air took over the cave. I went over to see creatures and it was over there that things weren’t right. The old wise leader was dying. His illness was at the point that he could not survive any longer. Sadly he passed. All of his group and I, were very sympathetic about it. So, they carefully buried their old friend in the ground with his tools and took their memories with them.
Update 6: Meeting these new ones was interesting. I don’t know how much longer they’ll be here with us, but I’m ecstatic that I met them and spent time with them. Hopefully they stay around for a while, but you never know what tomorrow brings…
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