Anonymous

I'm getting insecure over past hearbreak. How can i stop feeling so biter, resentful, and jaded?

I'll be 24 real soon and for most my life, i've been content being single. It wasn't always easy and of course, there were lonely times but there was always that faith that someone will come eventually...i just need to enjoy me, my loved ones and relax... whether he comes tomorrow or in the next 6 yrs, he'll just come.

I got out of a short lived relationship earlier this year and the break up made me lose myself for a bit. (he was serious about me and lead me on thinking he was ready but he really wasn't...just decided he didn't want it anymore). I was always one who had a good hold of who I am but for once, i was insecure and lost. Time healed, i made myself better, had a vacation w. my family and it was one of those great soul searching experiences. I realized no matter how much i thought i knew what i wanted, i didn't have the confidence to carry what I knew....i settled. Coming back from that vacation, I realized how right now is the time to have fun and just meet people..dating. I've been told the real reason my ex broke up w. me was bc he was insecure, didn't feel like a "man" bc i was a "better peson" than him and I didn't need him the way he thought I should. He expected me to get him to by me makeup (which I don't), he got insecure when we would go out bc guys would check me out (though I would be oblivious to it), was "cheap" and couldn't buy me a drink so i would buy it myself...now he's going for someone very young...and i'm gonna be vulnerable and admit this but i'm kind of jealous he found someone before I did. I thought he was the one who lost in this situation...i deserve someone better than him yet he was able to find his "special someone" whereas I got dumped by an indecisive loser and found someone he's happy with. Sorry to sound biter. If he's happy then i'm happy for him but it jist sucks....

Also, this guy at my work (worked there for 6 months) has had a crush on me since i started and i was seeing him. He was genuinely interested - what he said, body language, just everything a guy did when he really cared for a girl. After our first date, he changed, became cocky...his changed his ways. Stopped calling, texting (only responded if I texted)....but i KNEW he still was interested bc there were things he did (such as body language) that doesn't lie. I don't know if he was being manipulative, played hard to get, or tried to "teach me a lesson". It was too much for me so i had to let it go. It hurt me that he would be so jaded and do something like that to me. Why did this 21 y/o kid ask me out on a date only to play games w me? This shouldn't affect me bc I need someone who deserves me, right? II'.m near my mid 20's, good career/head on my shoulders, have a good idea or who I am/what i want...and she's just starting life beyond high school...I know I deserve better but the ego still stings a bit... maybe i need to surround myself w. people who have graduated w. careers too? (Rather than people who haven't gone to college...and have grown up in a different environment.) I'm worried bc i'm normally the easygoing, happy and confident girl and now bc of what's happened.. I have guy friends/aquiantances/co-workers even tell me how i'm such a "pretty girl who can get any guy she wants" and I'm worrying over nothing and how my exes/those guys were all "idiotic little boys"...That's sweet but I can't depend on people's good words...How can I feel better about all this?

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  • Pat
    Lv 4
    9 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    No, Don't feel jaded as it is much easier to loose yourself in that emotion then and it leads to other hurtful emotions. Be careful.

    Going for someone who has a job and career will not guarantee you a nice guy or someone who will treat you right as is the same of guys who have no jobs or whatever. What you can do is be the person you want to be. Decide what kind of person you really are and know yourself better before you get hurt again. Know that all guys are NOT the same and they all think very differently.

    You know, It is up to you how things affect you in life sometimes, but we cannot deny our emotions either. You will get hurt in life as it all won't be a bed of roses. And yes, You do deserve someone who will treat you right and really loves you but i will warn you here and now that there are guys out there that will do anything and say anything to get what they want. These kind of guys can fool women into thinking they are the greatest guy on the earth just so they will sleep with them. Sad, isn't it?

    You can't feel better because of how you feel right now. Time will help you a great deal here and what you need to do is just let it be for now. Focus on yourself and your life and not worry about the bad stuff as it is in the past and that is where it belongs..

    you are just starting your life and are doing well in your studies, Relationships are a bit more complicated.. lol

    It is a good thing that you want a future but please try not to judge guys who aren't so fortunate as you were to have good grades or whatever as not everyone is the same..

    By the way, if you weren't confident then i would say you are now because you have had the courage to come here and write all of this for us, Keep on going with it.. To me you seem like the easygoing, happy and confident girl you appear to be here. guess it's true =)

    You will date and be with guys before you will find the Mr Right you were looking for. It will happen despite what obstacles may come your way.

    For now, Relax and focus on yourself. Listen to music loudly if you want or watch tv or play video games but whatever you do just keep yourself occupied and happy. Focus on you ok? =)

    I wish you all the best..

    Patrick

    Source(s): My life is my source and my source is my life. Sanity is what is left after the experience..
  • 9 years ago

    I know exactly how you feel! but you gotta understand that no guy is gonna love you more then you love yourself!! Guys can be ungrateful of us woman and how much love we show them.. word's can never fix a broken heart, and im sure u know what i mean.. like when your girl friends tell you that ur so much better then him. Like, come on girls, thats what your suppose to say righht? Some times you gotta realize that nothing can hurt you if you dont let it. No guy or NO one in this world has a right to hurt you or make you feel like crap or like your not good enough. Everyone is unique yes and different but everyone is equally important. Anyways, there is nothing anyone can say to you or do for you to make your heart unbroken and to make all your problems go away! you are the only one who can do that, you gotta beleive in yourself and beleive that you are better then that and you dont deserve to be treated like trash, it hurts at the beginning but time heals everything. Maybe try not getting so hooked on them so fast! If you are a clingy person, you know someone who just loves to show there love for someone and always wants to be with the person they love , which isn't really a bad thing, its just that guys like space so if you are try giving them a bit of space. I know its hard but its all worth it in the end. I know what your going through and i have been through it all before.. but there is absolutely nothing anyone can do to make you feel better about yourself, its all in your mind.. u have to beleive in yourself that you are good enough, and you will find someone eventually!!

    well i hope this helped because it killled my fingers trying to type this! :P

    Gooood luck :)

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