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Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsSingles & Dating · 10 years ago

Is this betrayal? Who's to blame? I am seriously lost in this. Help me. Please.?

Here's the story. (I'm changing the names here.)

Jane and John were in a relationship for 3 years.

First, they were friends. But then one day John kissed her and Jane couldn't face it.

So she pushed him and went and cried so bad.

Next day John proposed her. And the relationship began.

Eventually, in the first month, John told her that he can't do the things that she would expect out of her normal boy friend. And she said, it's fine. Things were good initially.

At that time they both were in college.

Meanwhile, John starts taking her for granted.

He will be busy in his own stuff.

E.g.,he asks Jane to meet him, it takes 2 hours for her to reach him.

As soon as she reaches, he'll tell her that you go home, I have to go with my friend.

she'll beg for 5 minutes of stay. But John won't.

so she'll go back. And soon as she reaches home, he'll ask her to meet.

She'll again go traveling for 2 hours.

Then fight sessions started. It used to hurt her a lot that he was not at all caring about her.

He used to care only when she cried. And then he starts crying like a kid and she'll feel that she's guilty of hurting him.

In the 3rd year, things were very bad. Jane was facing many probs at her home. Her mom and dad were almost about to be separated. But for John, her problems were normal but his own problems were bigger. and it used to hurt Jane a lot that only person she needs support from won't support her.

At the middle of the 3rd year of that relationship, there comes another person. She meets him on internet. They starts chatting. And then texting, and then calling. His name is Sam; caring, charming, decent, really a nice guy. Sam knew everything about Jane and John. Now one day Sam decides that he must go to meet her because she badly wanted to meet him. Sam leaves home and gets into a local train travels for 20 hours standing at the door. And meets her the next day. Jane told him nobody does crazy things like this, but Sam was already crazy about her. He meets her. It was so good. But while he was leaving the next day. She tells him that she can't stay with him. She already is in a relationship and she doesn't want to betray him. Sam goes back somehow getting hold of himself. Very soon they starts talking on phone again and once again they were the best friends. They both wanted to meet each other. Jane used to tell Sam that he is like a canvas with lots of colors on it. Sam used to be there for her whenever she needed him. One day she tells him that she really wants to go on a trip with him because she started to have feelings for him and she didn't want to be impulsive again before committing into a relationship. So Sam says okay. Sam already proposed her before this and was waiting for her answer and he stayed there for her like the best mate in the world. Then they went on a trip to a Himalayas for 10 days. She was so happy and secure with him. Sam used to tie her shoelaces take care of her every moment. everything was good. But they got intimate one night. They kissed and made love. Next day she cried a lot cause she thought she betrayed John. Sam tried to keep her calm in vain. Then they went her and she told Sam that those 10 days were the best time of her life and that maybe she was in love with him. But then Sam went to his place and meanwhile Jane met John, and he apologized her for bad behavior and told her that he'll try to be the best guy from now on. Jane was broken. She didn't know what to do. So she told Sam that she needs some time off because she wants to make a proper decision. Sam told her that he will be waiting for her. Sam was also broken. But what can he do? Jane stayed with John for 3 years and he treated her like a possession although he was a nice guy and loved her really. But for John,possession always overpowered love. Jane's things didn't matter that much for John. then one day, he checks into Jane's email and finds out the photos that Sam send her of that trip and he was broken. He accused her of betraying him. And Jane was shattered,ashamed, and guilty. Jane thought of committing suicide as she never wanted to hurt him. She felt that she is really the bad girl. Meanwhile, John changes her email password and completely takes over her accounts. Jane feels so bad that he was spying on her and did all that. But more she felt was she betrayed him. Now is this betrayal, people? I'm really sorry to put a long story ... but please read it carefully and tell me that what is this? Has Jane betrayed John?

Who's to blame here? And What Jane, John, and Sam can do now?

Please answer this. This is a very bad triangle that I am into right now. I won't tell you that which character I am. But this is making our lives harder to live. Please friends, show us what to do ... and help us in this situations. I can't tell this to anyone of my friend that is why I am asking you all this. Pl

6 Answers

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  • 10 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    Wow that was long lol

    Okay, well, although "Jane" did cheat on John, it seems to me that people usually only cheat when they are not happy in their relationship, and this "John" guy, is obviously far too controlling and not supportive in any way. I'm no therapist, but despite what Jane did, he has absolutely no right to take over her accounts like that, yeah he apologised for his lack of support and whatever else, but how he's acting now just proves what kind of person he is.

    It sounds to me that it's a toxic relationship, and that this Jane girl would be alot happier with Sam, because Sam seems to be the one that understands more and is letting Jane decide for herself what she wants, which has more love in it than John has exhibited.

    Jane is going through a tough time in her life and needs someone who will support her through it, not someone that would add to it, of course there needs to be give and take in a relationship, but John backed off right? It seems like he didn't want anything to do with her for a while, so he wouldn't even allow Jane to help him with his problems, it seems like he just took his anger out on her.

    I think Sam would be the best option, because I know people can make mistakes if they're bothered about stuff, but I find it kind of cheeky that John backed off from her, and then suddenly wanted to get back into her life, only to control it again, and take over her accounts! Where as Sam seems caring, isn't wanting to control your life and decisions and sounds supportive.

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  • 10 years ago

    Jane sounds very childish .. and living in some sort of romantic fantasy land.

    She allows herself to be mistreated but at the same time gets off at being *star crossed lovers*

    He is bad for me.. but I love him so much. We are soul mates.

    Jane should NOT be with John. Period.

    John is very selfish .. and not capable of giving true love. He *loves* Jane but his brand of love is never going to be enough. He isn't ever going to change. He loves her more when he thinks of not having her but isn't really that interested in truly loving her when he has the chance.

    Yes I do believe that Jane cheated if she was in a committed relationship with John and went trekking with Sam.

    Also it's cheating to still be emailing each other when you are in a committed relationship. It's cheating!

    My guess is .. even if Jane got with Sam she still wouldn't be happy because Jane is in love with the *idea* of love.

    Also Sam is the stable, comfortable one. More of the good guy. But she is drawn to the bad boy one. (who treats her bad)

    This is an example of her romantic idea stuff and not dealing with reality.

    A real adult, mature woman would choose the guy who treats her best.

    Jane LOVES drama!

    All three are to blame.

    Sam is a sucker. Likes to be abused.

    Jane likes to play the victim but also allows herself to be with an asshole, so in that way she IS the victim (of her own choosing)

    John is never going to change.

    All of you need to grow up!

    If Sam has any brains he will Run, not walk from the Jane and John

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  • 10 years ago

    Jane should be with sam if she really feels like she may love him.

    its obvious that john is not the right person for her, she is just staying with him because shes comfortable with him and its hard to let relationships go that lasted for such a long time because its easy and your used to it. sometimes you need to take a chance and go out on a limb, Jane's future happiness depends on who she is with and from what this story says sam is the one that will make her happy and give her what she needs.

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  • Bird
    Lv 6
    10 years ago

    You need to get to the dirrty of this. What is the problem and how can we help?

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  • DEEJAY
    Lv 5
    10 years ago

    sorry but this was way to long to read

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  • 10 years ago

    And this, ladies and gentlemen, is what we call "white people problems".

    Source(s): Do you seriously think anyone wants to spend 5 hours of their Friday night reading all that? Whatever problems you're having are temporary. They will pass, and you will grow from them. You know what to do, no one can give you advice or tell you. We don't know you. We aren't in your shoes. We don't truly know the situation you're in. Only you do, so do what will make you happy. It's your life, you only live it once.
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