TKY asked in Society & CultureEtiquette · 9 years ago

How does our childhood influence our behavior, thoughts, and feelings as adults? Be specific?

6 Answers

  • 9 years ago
    Best Answer

    Learned behavior, what you were taught as a child (manners, attitude, beliefs, goals, education, family, love, etc). You will apply the same values as an adult (some people make minor adjustment changes).

    Its like a cycle among family members. Example: I knew a few teen girls who got pregnant very young at like 15 or 16 years of age, but later learned that there mothers and grandmothers did as well. It was a never ending cycle for these individuals.

  • Monty
    Lv 7
    9 years ago

    As a child, I was not encouraged to do any activities beyond schoolwork and church. No, don't try for the school play. Remember that one time when you embarrassed me?(I was 5 then, made a minor error). No don't join choir, you'll be gone from home too much. (I joined anyway. Was Mom ever mad!) No, don't join the Christmas Cantata. You don't have time to waste, and the rehearsals are after dark. You can't walk home in the dark.

    I was told I wasn't pretty enough to do this, not smart enough to do that. Too shy for this other thing. Told to leave these things to the smarter girls, the prettier girls, the outgoing and more capable girls. In defense of Mom, I know she was sincerely trying to keep me safe. I was the baby of the family.

    Then I married a guy who encouraged me to do things. Yes, join the PTA. Run for office. Yes, join the serviceman's wives club. You ARE smart, you are pretty, you are capable. So, then I had my husband saying go for it, as well as my mother still telling me I shouldn't do things. You can't be secretary for the PTA, you'd mess up the reports, you can't be historian for the service wives. Other women could do a better job. You'd get hurt, you'd embarrass me. etc, etc.

    Eventually, I began to believe my husband. I am smart, I was pretty. I was capable of doing a good job. Yep. I can, and do accomplish things.

    However, I still have to give myself a lot of pep talks. I wake up thinking I can't, I can't. Have to insist yes, I can. I really can. It's an inner battle, depending on whether I am hearing Mother's voice, or my husband's.

  • 9 years ago

    History tends to repeat itself and behavior patterns are enmeshed in the childhood, family trend of upbringin and the ability to provide stimulus of the lack thereof

  • 9 years ago

    Think of it like you would a house of cards.

    At this very moment in time, you are at the very top.

    p.s; it's quite difficult to explain it fully in a short space of time, i hope a metaphor will suit you for now.

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  • 9 years ago

    How your parents raised you as kids affects as to who you are as an adult and why.

  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    I think it's important to separate childhood and adolescence because when we are adolescents our behaviour, thoughts and feelings change so dramatically.

    I believe that as adolescents we are laying down the foundation of who we will be as adults. I was very socially inept and insecure. My mom was very controlling and wouldn't let me do anything. I was not allowed to make decisions for myself; I couldn't even choose my own clothes. I used to say, "I went from 12 (years old) to 40 (years old)."

    I think she truly enjoyed seeing me humiliated. I felt embarrassed and humiliated from the moment I woke up to the moment I fell asleep. I was so ugly. My hair which used to be so long and shiny and pretty and I was so proud of became dry and frizzy. I developed terrible acne; I had pimples covering my entire face and my skin was so oily I looked like I was constantly sweating but it was really oil oozing out of my skin. I was so unbelievably gross. I dressed like my mother, a miserable, boring, frumpy housewife with no hopes, dreams, hobbies or ambition. Maybe if she was a hot mom or a fun mom it wouldn't have been so bad but she was the opposite of what I wanted to be. My clothes also didn't fit me properly. My jeans were sometimes too short, like Urkel, or too big and baggy because they were twice the size I needed. I wore a size 5 but she insisted I wear a size 10 because she said, "You just want to look like a slut!" My shirts were too small; the sleeves were too short and when I pulled down the front of my shirt to hide my stomach, the back went up and when I pulled down the back to hide my protruding spine and panties, the front of my shirt went up revealing my stomach. The other kids used to tease me and say, "Why are you wearing your little sister's clothes?" I often had holes in my shoes so I'd have to alter the way I walked to try to avoid cutting my feet on the concrete that crept up through the holes in my shoes. One year my glasses kept breaking so that meant I got to go to school with my glasses taped up. My glasses had broken in the middle so my parents glued them together. That lasted no more than a few days at a time before they'd break again. For some reason they often broke during school and I'd have to tape them together. One time the screw that keeps the earpiece together came out so the teacher gave me a paper clip to fix it. I walked around with a f'king paper clip sticking out of my glasses and tape around the middle. The scotch tape used to irritate the skin on my nose. Then the part of the frame over the lens broke and the tape that I had to use to keep that together interfered with my vision. You see how long that went on for? It was horrible. People would see me and just laugh. And you know what? I can't blame them. I would have laughed too. Everything about me was so wrong and so distorted. It was so humiliating. I had no friends and no boyfriends. No boy liked me. No one liked me. Even my teachers despised me.

    As an adult, I find it impossible to form normal relationships. I am always embarrassed of myself. I constantly worry about what they think of me and do they think I'm being fake? I don't want anyone to love me because if they knew me they know I'm really such a horrible person deep down inside. I feel guilty thinking about fooling them into thinking I'm a good person who deserves to be loved. I have had s&m type relationships. There's no romance or exchange of love in that. Pain on the outside makes me forget about the pain on the inside. For a little while, I am too focused on the outer pain and the man I serve; there's no room to think about me and how stupid and ugly I am and how no one likes me. Pain on the outside also goes away while the pain on the inside just lingers and festers. Feeling bad and being made fun and insulted, this feels "normal" to me. It makes me feel normal and complete. Everybody at school used to make fun of me and call me names, I was sexually harassed and made fun of; I'd go home and my parents would yell at me, they'd criticize me, call me names, I was always being punished. I live in an apartment above my parents because I am too scared to go out and be truly on my own and I know this is because I was never allowed to do things on my own or make my own decisions. I literally spent most of my life sitting alone in a room, reading books or watching television. My parents didn't want me to do anything else. They didn't want me to have friends and now I don't know how. They didn't want me to play and to do things like the other kids and now I don't how to be a regular person and to do regular person things. It's all too confusing and overwhelming. I'd really like to be a normal person and blend in with the rest of the crowd but I just don't know how.

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