vicky asked in 社會及文化語言 · 1 decade ago

急!!! 求人改一封英文E-MAIL

To: Felicia August< fbMaugust@evertrust.com >

CC:

SUBJECT: Compliance with new break procedure

Some of you may not like the rules about break times; however, we determined that keeping track of employee while they took breaks at times they determined rather than regular breaks at prescribed times was not working as well as we would have liked it to work. The new rules are not going to be an option. If you do not follow the new rules, you could be docked from your pay for hours when you turned up missing, since your direct supervisor will not be able to tell whether you were on a “break” or not and will assume that you have walked away from your job. We cannot be responsible for any errors that result from your inattentiveness to the new rules. I have already heard complaints from some of you and I hope this memo will end this issue once and for all. The decision has already been made.

Starting Monday, January 1, you will all be required to take a regular 15-minute break in the morning and again in the afternoon, and a regular thirty-minute lunch at the times specified by your supervisor, NOT when you think you need a break or when you “get around to it.”

There will be no exceptions to this new rule!

Felicia August

Manager

Billing and accounting

有關提示:

1. The first paragraph can contain the main idea of the change in break procedures.

2. The second paragraph contains logical, justifiable details.

3. A courteous close that offers assistance completes the direct approach

3 Answers

Rating
  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Your version of the email is almost opposite to the suggested guidelines, which are:

    1. The first paragraph can contain the main idea of the change in break procedures.

    2. The second paragraph contains logical, justifiable details.

    3. A courteous close that offers assistance completes the direct approach

    The First Paragraph

    For example, your last paragraph "Starting Monday, January 1, you will all be required to take a regular 15-minute break in the morning and again in the afternoon, and a regular thirty-minute lunch at the times specified by your supervisor, NOT when you think you need a break or when you “get around to it. There will be no exceptions to this new rule!" should be your first paragraph.

    (1) the information here is not clear enough; it should specify what time in the morning and afternoon.

    (2) the tone is offensive. Using "NOT" and "new rule!" carry the sense of accusing and threatening the employees.

    The Second Paragraph

    I could not find any "logical and justifiable details" of the new rules in your email. A statement of "not working as well as we would have liked it to work" is not a clear explanation of why the new rule is better.

    Some suggestions for logically justifying the new rules are:

    (1) will allow the supervisor to track attendence more accurately, and assess the employees more fairly.

    (2) will help team work because co-workers will be at work at the same times.

    (3) proper spacing of the breaks is more heathy, and is a better working habit.

    The Third Paragraph

    Your email is not courteous at all. It is full of accusations and threats, but has not offered any assistance.

    Some suggestions are:

    (1) We understand some of you may feel the new rule too restrictive and that it causes inconvenience, rules are necessary to maintain good order and improve efficiency in the work place.

    (2) We will appreciate your cooperation and support.

    (3) If there is any question or problem, please do not hesitate to contact me.

    Source(s): my past learning
  • 1 decade ago

    the undermentioned words suggestion to you hope it can help you!

    dislike instead of not like

    however - therefore

    rules - regulations

    disappear - turned up missing

    immediate supervisor - direct supervisor

    unable - not be able

    explain - to tell

    absent - walk away

    defy - inattentiveness

    deduct - dock

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    1 decade ago

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