asked in 社會與文化語言 · 1 decade ago

英文能力好的請進來看一下

My name isXXX, Mia Lin, I was born on September eighteenth, my sign is Virgo. I live in Chaozhou. There are four people in my family including my older brother, mother, grandmother and I. My mother works in an insurance personnel department of a company and my older brother is studying in Tajen too, my father died when I was 3 years old. I am studying in Tajen University.

When I was a child, my mother took us out for travels often. We enjoyed any places where we had been, such as Nantou, Hualian and Taichung. In Hualian, we went to Farglory Ocean Park. Where had dolphins, sharks, whales and various fishes. Besides, there had amusement park. In Nantou, we went to 福勝山. In the 福勝山 (我找不到英文) the sunrise was very beautiful. The sunlight like the gold. It is very beautiful view. If you have time, maybe you can go here to see this beautiful view. In Taichung, we often went to 逢甲夜市 (我找不到英文) or ㄧ中街(我找不到英文). There was many delicious foods in the night market and have many beautiful clothes in it. My brother and I always ate a lot of delicious food in 逢甲. We always had a good time wherever we went, and these are my best memories with my mother.

After I graduated from senior junior high school, I came to Tajen University to major in English, but I hated English a bit because it was not what I wanted. However, my mother thought studying English would be better for me. Therefore, I continue studied English. Actually, my favorite subject is Cosmetics, but I am still learning English very hard, because which can make me become an international beautician one day.

In this year, I will go to study college. I want to learn more something different for my self. Maybe I will study in Cosmetics. I want to be a beautician in future. My mother agrees this opinion, too. So, I study many about cosmetics in this year. I hope next year I can study in my favorite subject.

這是我的自傳,文法錯誤的地方,希望大大能夠幫我挑出來。

還有我這樣的文章可以嗎? 可以幫我看一下還需要家什麼地方麻!?

文法有點爛, 希望大大們不要介意。

3 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    不好意思哦我也不確定我是不是完全可以校對出來 ! 而且正確無誤。

    第二行的including是介詞,你應該改成There are four people in my family,including my older brother....

    或是把including改成動詞的include

    My mother works in an insurance personnel department of a company

    in是介詞加「大地方」,應該改成at

    身為..的職位介詞應該是as

    所以整句應該是

    My mother works at a company as an insurance personnel

    my older brother is studying in Tajen too,

    too放句尾是沒錯的

    但是應該用逗號隔開

    改成

    my older brother is studying in Tajen,too.

    結尾部分應該用句點而不是逗點(這是台灣學生容易犯的錯)

    不過你這句話的語意很奇怪

    不應該用too,也這個詞出現

    因為哥哥前面描述的人是媽媽

    媽媽並沒有在圖書

    不適合用「也」這個字!

    反而是哥哥和自己同樣在念書。

    從媽媽到哥哥的部份可以改成

    My mother works at a company as an insurance personnel,

    my older brother is studying in Tajen,and so am i.

    由於爸爸是過世,擺在最後說會比較好

    可以說

    Bue to my regret,my father died when I was 3 years old.

    When I was a child, my mother took us out for travels often.

    前面主詞是我,後面受詞卻變成我們。

    When we were children, my mother took us out for travels often

    We enjoyed any places where we had been.

    any用在疑問句或是否定句,並且加單數名詞

    應該改成

    We enjoyed every place where we had been

    (place為單數)

    Hualian and Taichung. In Hualian, we went to Farglory Ocean Park.(這裡要改成逗點)Where had(可以改成riched in) dolphins, sharks, whales and various fishes.

    Besides, there had amusement park.

    「有」不是寫成there had 而是there was a amusement park.

    It is very beautiful view

    → It was a very beautiful view.

    時態要一致,景觀景色是可數名詞要加a

    There was many delicious foods in the night market and have(have刪除) many beautiful clothes in it.

    →There was many delicious foods in the night market and many beautiful clothes in it,too.

    After I graduated from senior junior high school,

    senior junior high school?

    是senior high school 高中

    還是junior high school 國中

    2010-10-14 22:33:08 補充:

    I came to Tajen University and(語意比較好) majored(動詞變化) in English, but I hated English a bit because it was not what I wanted.

    I continue studied English.

    continue 這個單字是繼續的意思

    後面動詞搭配為V-ing

    固應該改成

    I continue studying English

    2010-10-14 22:35:19 補充:

    發表不完 XD

    Source(s): 我自己 haha, :)
  • 1 decade ago

    之前在網路上看到的網站, 希望有幫到ㄌ

    http://tw.myblog.yahoo.com/jw!w6gPRaOCFQVCeNg8iHiY...

  • 1 decade ago

    1:born in 第1段第1行

    2:including....and me 第1段第3行

    3:took us to a lot of places 比較好 第2段第1行

    4:we enjoyed the placces we have been 第2段第2行

    5:there was a amusment 第2段第5行 福新山 fu shin mountain 大致翻譯

    6:the sun shines like gold第2段第6行

    7:第7行的there少打1個t

    8:逢甲 一中我也不知道=

    9:we always had good times there 第2段到屬地2行

    10:yherefore 好像拼錯了 therefor 才對 我不確定喔 =

    11:wich改成it第3段倒數第2行

    12:study a lot about第4段到數地2行

    13:i hope i can syudy my favorite nexy year 第4段最後一行

    其實不錯呀 要有自信喔 剛學英文都是這樣 +由

    2010-10-14 22:15:48 補充:

    錯的話不可以怪我喔 應該是對啦 可以在問問看 =

    Source(s):
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