Anonymous

He keeps her old love letters?

My boyfriend moved recently and today we were hanging out and going through old boxes and came across old love letters from his ex fiance and some old posessions of hers. He placed these things in a box for safe keeping, and continued.

I understand the importance of keeping old photos and things that remind you of your past. However, this ex of his was a terrible person who broke his heart. I asked him if he still has feelings for her to which he responded that, "no he did not but she was a major part of his life." After they broke up, he was very depressed for a long time and had a terrible time dealing with being without her.

I feel as if I should know better than to be bothered this. Photos do not bother me, it's just the letters. It's as if holding on to them is his way of holding on to their relationship.

Any advice?

Update:

I just wanted to add, that I did not ask him to throw them away, as it is not my place.

It just bothers me that he feels as if keeping them is important. I believe that each person should deal with their past and their issues in thier own way and in their own time. However, I do feel as though these things should be dealt with before beginning a new relationship.

Update 2:

It has been a few years since they broke off their relationship...

9 Answers

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  • Gina
    Lv 7
    9 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    if he's not ready to get rid of love letters that someone that broke his heart wrote to him then he isn't ready to be in another relationship. just because she was a big part of his life doesn't mean she was a good part. it's fine to enjoy memories but keeping old love letters is going too far. he shouldn't need those letters. he should be able to part with those if he was really over her.

  • Linds
    Lv 7
    9 years ago

    I dated a guy for over 3 years, we too were engaged. It was a couple of years later when I was finally able to get rid of all the letters he wrote me (He was in the military so all the letters were from boot camp and on).

    I held on to them more because they were still a part of me, not that I still had feelings for the guy. And honestly I forgot I had the letters until I was doing some cleaning and found the box. But it was hard to let the letters go. Again I didn't have any feelings with the guy it was more that I invested so much of me into that relationship. It was also a reminder to me of what happened and not to let my heart go so easily. When I finally threw away the letters I didn't feel like I was throwing a part of me away. In a sense I was finally able to move on and put the past behind me.

    I wouldn't really say anything about the letters. When he is ready to move on and acknowledge the past as the past he will. I don't think it should bother you either.

  • Tracy
    Lv 4
    4 years ago

    Hi, Wearing the clothes is fine as long as the boyfriend knows it's just clothes nothing special. What would you do if he found the letters and knew you were reading them? How hurt would he be? The past is the past and I would consider your living in the past as long as you continue. (An Old Saying) The past is the past and you can't move forward as long as you live in the past. What about a future boyfriend or even a husband. I would destroy the letters I am sure you remember them all and whats the point in going over them if you don't still have feeling for this guy? You could cause a lot of damage by just having them around. Would you feel ok if someone else found them and read them? That was my though when I burned mine. I thought they were to personal for anyone but me to read, so I burned them all. Now I don't have to worry about it at all and can put my mind to better things. Think about it. Good Luck

  • 9 years ago

    He's fine. I LOVED this person and we wrote all these cute notes. We ended up having to break up but I still keep them. However, I regretted the whole relationship and hate the person now. It's just something I worked hard on. I like to see things I've done so I know I won't do them again.

    Source(s): Life
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  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    I definitely can see both sides to this, I think the only thing you really can do is talk to him about it because if I was you I would want him to really make me feel like she is in the past and is staying there and that he is happy to be with you, I hope he can do this, but really the only control you have over it is to tell him EXACTLY how you feel, communication is key or your going to let this build up and turn into more than it is. Good luck!

  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    Yeah, I should have done same, I did throw away the love notes of 75 pages that was wrote by my ex, I throw them away long time ago. It's my mistake, I should have keep it for memory and experience.

  • 9 years ago

    I'd be bothered as well.

    He should have thrown them out a long time ago, keeping them is kind of strange if you ask me.

  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    hmm stuff like this bothers me a lot when it happens to me like u wanna know more but u feel bad for asking...... god i hate it but i say tell him how you feel about it and ask him anything :D i mean ur living with him he can trust you and you to him

  • 9 years ago

    You deal with YOUR past YOUR way and let him deal with his,HIS way.

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