Should I Tell My Therapist About Suicidal Thoughts?

I don't really know if I'm suicidal or not, but for the past year, I've thought about death almost every day. I wonder if people would miss me (I have no friends), wonder if my sisters or parents would even care. I know that I could never bring myself to actually end my own life, but there have been... show more I don't really know if I'm suicidal or not, but for the past year, I've thought about death almost every day. I wonder if people would miss me (I have no friends), wonder if my sisters or parents would even care. I know that I could never bring myself to actually end my own life, but there have been many times I wished that I just wouldn't wake up, wouldn't have to face another day and go through the same struggles day after day. I am exhausted, and I don't think I can live like this much longer.

I feel so selfish, ungrateful and ashamed that I think this way. God has blessed me with health and so many other things, so many other things that some people don't have. I know I am fortunate in many ways, yet I can't seem to be happy. I want more than anything to live a happy and productive life, I just don't see that happening, and I can't find any reason to live when I feel the way I do now.

I've been seeing a therapist for a few weeks, and I have my 3rd appointment tomorrow. I don't know whether or not I should tell her how I am feeling. Part of me is ashamed, part of me doesn't even know if I'm really even considered suicidal because I haven't actually attempted anything (there was a brief period last year when I cut myself a few times, but it was out of frustration, and only a few times--I did not tell anyone about it either). I am also scared that this will just give my therapist another reason to admit me to a psychiatric hospital, for this and for my eating disorder/ocd.

I want to tell someone so badly, but I am scared. I don't want to be admitted to a psych ward, I don't want to be put on meds. I am afraid that if I tell my therapist tomorrow, I will regret it. What should I do? What would my therapist do if I told her this?

Thanks for your time
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