I lied to my ex from the get go.. I feel so horrible cause I love her so much. We dated from 3 years...?

I feel horrible. I need her in my life. She's my best friend in the entire world.. and she really means the entire world too me and I need her back more than anybody can know. I just wanted her to like me because she was so different so great I didn't want her liking some other guy.... and I made up... show more I feel horrible. I need her in my life. She's my best friend in the entire world.. and she really means the entire world too me and I need her back more than anybody can know. I just wanted her to like me because she was so different so great I didn't want her liking some other guy.... and I made up something dumb from the get go and it just escalated and piled up and honestly it was so freakin dumb and yeah I don't want her hating me. I need her. I really do. I'm slowly going insane here. The sense of guilt in my head and stomach is overbearing. Also worth noting I have bipolar so it's eating more than ever... slowly killing me. I want her back sooooo bad. :( :(
Update: I feel horrible. I need her in my life. She's my best friend in the entire world.. and she really means the entire world too me and I need her back more than anybody can know. I just wanted her to like me because she was so different so great I didn't want her liking some other guy.... and I made up... show more I feel horrible. I need her in my life. She's my best friend in the entire world.. and she really means the entire world too me and I need her back more than anybody can know. I just wanted her to like me because she was so different so great I didn't want her liking some other guy.... and I made up something dumb from the get go and it just escalated and piled up and honestly it was so freakin dumb and yeah I don't want her hating me. I need her. I really do. I'm slowly going insane here. The sense of guilt in my head and stomach is overbearing. Also worth noting I have bipolar so it's eating more than ever... slowly killing me. I want her back sooooo bad. :( :( Iied about me being cousins with a well semi famous person *musician* he's not popular really. Semi.. but yeah I dedicated some of his songs to her saying they were mine cause they were exactly what I wanted to say. I always looked down at myself so I thought that would win her over. I am such a loser for it. Beating myself up
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