I feel so lonely and depressed. I hate my life, can anyone else relate?

I really hate my life right now. Sorry if this is long I just don't know what to do anymore. All my life I've always been the "strong silent" type, and I always try to remind myself that someone always has it worse. Lately, I feel like everything is falling apart and that I have no support system to turn to. I'm seventeen and not living at home because my parents are drug addicts and don't agree with the fact that I'm gay. Back in April I was physically assaulted by my brother and his friend saying that I wasn't welcome at home. I left all my belongings there and just left. I didn't want to be in that abusive situation anymore. I finished high school but my grades suffered because of my home life. I didn't go to the graduation because I know no one would be there anyway.

For the past few months I have been living with my older boyfriend. I work and plan on going on for my education. I would not be able to afford living by myself because where I live the cost of living is sky high. My "boyfriend" doesn't appreciate me. I was naive and thought he loved me..now I think I realize I was a fool and I'm just more of a houseboy to him...(if it counts for anything I really did love him). On top of that people him and I both know are spreading false rumors that I'm a gold digger.. that could not be farther from the truth. I don't ask for very much from him, especially not material things. I feel like crap knowing this and that he never really ever respected me, and that my love for him meant nothing. He totally changed from the person I thought I knew into this perverted control freak. He's into some weird stuff that freaks me the hell out.

I'm trying desperately to find a roommate to move into a new place with but I'm not having any luck. I feel so trapped. I don't know where to turn to. I feel humiliated and drained. I would not go back home because it's not any better. I'm sorry if I sound like I'm complaining, I'm going through a hard time right now and feel so alone.

12 Answers

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  • 9 years ago
    Best Answer

    What horrible responses! I promise you, there are people who care and want to help. I remember being a sad, lonely, confused teenager with no support system. Please don't give up, it really does get better. You sound (and type) like an intelligent, lovely young man and I have no doubt that you will meet people who appreciate and love you. It is difficult for anyone to strike out on their own and start their lives, especially with no family support (which is common in the LGBT community). You're not alone in this, which is why programs like the Trevor Project are necessary. I encourage you to contact them, or your local Gay community center (I'm in Pittsburgh and I know we have a great one, so I'm assuming most other cities have something similar). My advice would be to work as much as possible, apply for financial aid or loans for school and find a nice sublet or room (in a gay publication in your city or on craigslist). You should be proud of everything you've done so far in trying to establish your own life, and it's just starting!

  • 9 years ago

    I can relate to the fact that my life is so uneventfula nd I don't have friends and I've just finished high school and it was the best feeling to go to graduation and getting your diploma and all that and I thought I would have a brilliant summer after graduation but would leave with nothing, except turning nineteen and going to different gay pride festival around the state. But now I'm not in college I'm suppose to go to college in the spring but know that will never happen I don't have a job,drivers license, a car, friends to talk to basically I have no life. But in the end I end up praying to God that things will get better from here on and then I'll know I'll be okay despite that everything isn't looking good and thats what I think you should do unless your not a Christian or go to church. Try to look at the fact that tomorrow things will go good from here and know that tomorrow will be another day.

  • Lori
    Lv 4
    4 years ago

    There were times where I felt the same as you... I'm turning 17 in 2 months so we've basically seen how society around usquickly evolved, sorta. I want all the negativity from the world and everything I absolutely hate to just go away too. However upsetting it is, I can't bring it upon myself to actually try it. (I've thought of it but I've got no guts to do it.) I think you should find someone that can make you see the bright things in life. Having someone to support you is always the best thing. They'll be able to lead you and encourage you to go far in life. Please don't commit suicde, that's just a way of letting life know that you've lost the game. Good luck. I hope you find happiness.

  • 9 years ago

    I know life gets tough sometimes especially for us gay guys (I'm still not out). But don't give up. You are not alone. And if you want, you can let a few tears fall. Here, I want to share a journal entry I wrote.

    That was the hardest night of my life. I was scared, embarrassed and

    the one thing I wanted more was to fall asleep. But I couldn't. I just

    kept thinking, thinking about my family... my future. Nothing was

    certain. When I was a little kid, I used to imagine myself all grown

    up with a wife and kids. Life would be perfect. I didn't know. Now as

    I look, I can't see anything. It's like I'm at the bottom of a

    mountain and on the other side I know there's a place I could belong.

    But before I can get there, I'll get eaten up by the wolves and lions

    just waiting for me to take a step. So I don't. I wait here and night

    falls. I'm so alone and it's so cold. I just want to sleep. Sleep...

    Is that what death feels like? Sleep? Sometimes I'm tempted to find

    out. But then I hear them calling and I wish so bad that I could fly

    over this mountain but there's only one way to the other side. I'm

    left by myself, thinking life is nothing more than a cruel joke. Why

    did I have to be this way? My thoughts keep swirling around and I

    start to doubt my own fears. Am I bleeding from my own self-inflicted

    wounds? This is all in my head and I don't deserve pity. "Get over it.

    Stop being such drama queen." But I can't help it. I'm still scared.

    Inside I can feel the tears building up. One blow and a tsunami is let

    loose that can destroy a whole village. I can't let that happen. I

    can't let anyone find out. No. I'll lie to them. Tell them that I'm

    "normal". I might be able to fool the world. But I can not fool my

    heart. I'll die here. I might as well take my chances on that

    mountain.

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  • 9 years ago

    Everything is going to be ok, If you can't find a roommate try and find a job that has some descent wages. If your trying to go to school try and get as many grants as possible. That's money you don't have to pay back and there will be extra money leftover after paying to for school that you can use towards rent. Stay strong and positive, your just going through a rough patch right now but it will be better.

    Source(s): Personal Experience
  • Brady
    Lv 5
    9 years ago

    Dump the boyfriend and post an ad on a gay forum looking to rent a room and stating very clearly that you are not looking for sex or a relationship. It shouldn't be hard to find a stable gay roommate or a gay couple with an extra room in their house who are willing to take you in as a renter. There are a lot of older gay couples who would be willing to take in someone in your situation without any sexual expectations.

  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    I know how you feel , i feel liek killing myself alot , i scratch my face to try and make it bleed , but i always stop in self pitty , i feel pathetic , im in love with someone that can NEVER love me back and i understand how you feel being a tool in someones messed up game , i want to contact you but i doubt you'll want to ccontact me im still in school adn people bully me alot , i feel scared alot adn i feel liek just ending everything , but those phew threads of rope still left are keeping me here , if you checked my questions you might get an idea off what im gong through , im silent too , i keep my head down low and try not to attract attention , i have a quiet voice and im scared to talk to peepl . i hope we can be friends adn help each other out bye , and ignore the horriblle mean , rude responses , those people are pathetic nobodys who know nothing about you if it was them in this situation right know , they would realise that those comments could break your last thread my email is spiro.66@hotmail.com contact me , i hope you do , good luck

    Source(s): a sucky life
  • 9 years ago

    I am so sorry to hear about u but try to find u will get a roommate best of luck

    Source(s): tahirmengal@ymail.com
  • 9 years ago

    Wow. I'm sorry you're getting such rude responses. I guess people are too cowardly and lazy to have a heart these days.

  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    dont worry its jus a phase.....almost every one goes through such phase once in life.....btw dump that BF of yurs if he doesn't appreciate u.....out of 6 billion ppl there is alway sum one else better.....xoxo

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