B&A: writers - YOUR first sentence...?

hey! step 1: post the first line of your book/story step 2: look at another person's first line step 3: click "edit" on your post and leave a comment to another answer...tell them: -- what you liked or didnt like about their first sentence. -- what you think will happen next in their... show more hey!

step 1: post the first line of your book/story

step 2: look at another person's first line

step 3: click "edit" on your post and leave a comment to another answer...tell them:

-- what you liked or didnt like about their first sentence.
-- what you think will happen next in their story.
-- if you think their main character/narrator is a boy or a girl
-- on a scale of 1-10 (10 is best) how much would you keep reading?

this is just for fun! have a fabulous week!

my first sentence: *Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.* I keep repeating this to myself I stand here, out of breath, staring down into the old well.
note: * = italics

suggested category:
education & reference > words & wordplay
Update: haha, sorry i forgot the word "as" in my first sentence.

should be: *Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.* I keep repeating this to myself as I stand here, out of breath, staring down into the old well.
Update 2: @Paul: i like the metaphor of the brickwall and how you explain it, the first sentence really drew me in, but the explanation wasn't AS captivating. i think your character is male. i think next you will explain what obstacles he faces. rating: 6
Update 3: @ Trystyn: i want to read more about why he left. yes i think the character is male. its very simple and well-phrased and doesnt go on and on tediously, which i like. what will happen next -- the character will explain why he left and where he went. rating: 7
Update 4: @Snore Wife: ohh this is a really cool first sentence because i want to know whose faces she sees. its kinda quiet and mysterious and i want to read on. obviously shes a girl. what happens next? i hope she will explain what faces she sees, but i have a feeling you will keep the reader in suspense. rating: 8 @... show more @Snore Wife: ohh this is a really cool first sentence because i want to know whose faces she sees. its kinda quiet and mysterious and i want to read on. obviously shes a girl. what happens next? i hope she will explain what faces she sees, but i have a feeling you will keep the reader in suspense. rating: 8

@ Trystyn: thank you!!! i will change "catch my breath" to "gasping for air" or "gulping for air" :)
Update 5: @ Snore Wife: sorry, forgot to mention, i think the correct term is "lay" is correct but im not expert...anyone else?
Update 6: @ Reagan: yes, i agree that i like that we will find who this person becomes. next i think she will describe the "many" people she could be. i think shes a girl. however, its a tad bit cliche. rating: 7
Update 7: @Kateri: oohh i enjoy that first "sentence" because of the suspense. you want to read to find out WHAT happens at 4 am. the character is female. next i think you will say what happened at 4 am. rating: 8
Update 8: @it'snot important: wow i never in a million years would've guessed that she's a demi-god, machete-throwing, etc etc...i like the simplicity, but how you will go on to describe her skills. shes a girl, no doubt. rating: 8 @scotty: haha thank you! i loooveee your sentence. openings like that, where... show more @it'snot important: wow i never in a million years would've guessed that she's a demi-god, machete-throwing, etc etc...i like the simplicity, but how you will go on to describe her skills. shes a girl, no doubt. rating: 8

@scotty: haha thank you! i loooveee your sentence. openings like that, where you want to keep reading to find out more. next, i think you will continue with the dialogue and we find out who's threatening her. i think its cool that the words "your last words?" are the FIRST line, not LAST. rating: 9
Update 9: @nevermind: neat - another one about guns! i like how you describe the figure as the unknown, leaving it up the reader to be scared. i would guess the main character is male. next the scene will play out, with th e MC narrowly escaping death. rating: 8
Update 10: @HP Resource: haha i really think thats a bizarre start! i like that you introduce how he is clairvoyant, and that he will lose that power. next i think you will either describe what happens next in his vision, or what he will do to prevent himself from losing his sight. male character - danny. rating: 8
Update 11: @ Begger's banquet: ahh! i adore this one! it gives a serenly mythical feel, about losing memories. i like the illusion. main character girl? I WANT TO KEEP READING! rating: 10
Update 12: @ silly turtle: oh my, this is quite random! that was my first thought , but now im wondering * IS IT? *either you have made me laugh at the cute randomness or you have made the reader THINK the line is random, when really its quite significant. i like how you capture that. character is a girl?? rating: 9
Update 13: @ steven: wow THANK YOU so much for grading everyones!! and i will change "out of breath" :) regarding yours: its not SUPER captivating suspense-wise, but i would keep reading to find out the identity of the characters. male character (no doubt). rating: 7 - like i said, im curious, not dying to find... show more @ steven: wow THANK YOU so much for grading everyones!! and i will change "out of breath" :)

regarding yours: its not SUPER captivating suspense-wise, but i would keep reading to find out the identity of the characters. male character (no doubt). rating: 7 - like i said, im curious, not dying to find out :D you sound like a very experienced writer!
Update 14: @ninatta: thank you! onto yours -- wow i its poetic!! i want to read on and find out if you continue the metaphor (if it is one?) and see if the glass shatters, and who's singing and such. on pure guess is your character a girl? yours is a really original beginning! rating: 8
Update 15: @ jen (chocolate Burn) this made me laugh out loud! i love that shes concerned with the economy, opposed to WHY her clients are dead. i think you will go on to say why the clients are dead, or that will be the conflict in the story. character is a girl. rating: 9.5
Update 16: @kitty: naturally im intrigued to find out how she doesnt escape death, or if its just a metaphor. i think you will go into to describe her life before and after this "death" incident. character is a girl? rating: 8
Update 17: @onetime: that cute! i would keep reading because it sounds like an adorable book. but captivating? probably not...sorry. id guess your main character is a guy. rating: 7
Update 18: @emo: i like how its short and snappy and sweet. very to the point and yes quite engrossing. I think (if its a flashback like you said) she will describe more of the memory. im curious about "the end" character is a girl? rating: 8.5
Update 19: @amb: no, im not Kasskass. just Katniss.
your first sentence made a very vivid image in my mind!! haha...i think next your character will continue their game of baseball. male character?? rating: 7
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