Bleh. asked in Social SciencePsychology · 9 years ago

I don't know how to understand my true feelings. Help?

I have difficulties knowing what I'm feeling. There have been only 2 people that I developed feelings for but did not become aware of my feelings until they were gone.

One... I never told him how I felt. He still doesn't know.

One of them let me go because I couldn't differentiate between the love I felt for him and a crush I had on someone else (I had broken up with my bf because I thought he didn't love me any more and hence developed the crush as a rebound, I think). Once I finally realised that I loved him and that he did mean it when he said he loved me, and that the other thing was a silly crush, he'd forced himself to move on.

I'm still very good friends them. As for my other relationships, there weren't any true feelings from my side.

I feel like I’m scared for some reason to feel vulnerable and I’m the typical person who uses humor to change the subject. Feelings are scary and people tend to misuse your feelings. I feel dead, empty and hallow inside. No one sparks my interest and the touch of the uninteresting is sickening. I literally want to puke. I constantly question the relationship when I am in one and push the person away. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Help me fix it?

How do I distinguish between love and a new exciting crush?

1 Answer

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  • 9 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    Love takes time to grow, while you could just have a crush on someone because they're friendly and cute.

    If you love someone, you want them with you even when you don't look or feel your best, and you want to be with them even when they do not look or feel their best. You put them before yourself; whenever they're happy, you're happy. Even if it means that the source of their happiness is the also the source of your pain. For example, they say that they like someone else. You're sad and hurt obviously, but they're happy. And even though you're heartbroken, you can at least feel a little tiny bit better knowing that they're happy. Or maybe that last one is just me, I don't know. That's just how I feel about it since I once had a boyfriend that broke up with me for someone else and even though I despised the other girl for "stealing my boyfriend," I was a little happier knowing my ex was happy.

    (For reasons below I'll call this paragraph Part A) Anyway, if you think you like someone, think about this; do you consider them attractive? If they're of the gender you're interested in dating, and the answer is yes, then you could just be mixing feelings of friendship with feelings of lust. The result? Psuedo-love. Not really love, not even a real crush, but you feel like that's the case.

    (Part B) But you also have to think about this; if the answer to the above question is yes, then you also have to make a list of 7-10 qualities you adore about that person. They have to be about their personality, not their appearance. If you can come up with some really great things (like "patient," "kind," "honest," "likes the same hobbies as me," etc), then maybe you really do have a real crush.

    Now if you do Part A and get a yes, and then you do Part B and get a handful of things but not that many, or maybe even none, then it's not a real crush. If you have a full list of qualities you admire and Part A says yes, then you're good to go; you, my dear asker of questions, have a crush.

    I hope this helped you some. Good luck! =)

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