Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Social SciencePsychology · 9 years ago

Why don't boys/men express their feelings, usually?

Girls express their feelings, as how they feel!! But why dont boys do that?

I have seen my brother, my dad & some boys who are close to me! They dont express their feelings at all! We girls, when we feel emotional, let our tears to roll. But boys!!! OMG! I know that they feel the same as we feel, but they act as though they are stone hearted & as if they dont know the meaning of tears & crying and all!!

What is the reason for this?

I personally, express my feelings whatever they are, to my closed ones, because I cant keep anything at heart and cry inside! I always feel better if I express it. I feel as if I've shared a huge burden with closed ones. It helps me from getting depressed!!

Update:

But why is it being framed as being 'girly' and 'feminine' ? Men also have a heart like we do and they do have feelings. They are neither a machine nor a stone to hide feelings?

What made people in this world to consider 'expressing feelings', 'crying', feminine & girly?

Is it their ego?? (I have no intentions to hurt men. Just a curiosity in knowing)

28 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    9 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    Its because, like many others who have answered your question, a result of social conditioning.Also a lot to do with nature and biology

    Men are supposed to be the physically stronger sex, so being the stronger sex, we're often brought up with the mind set that crying is something that's associated with being feminine.Unfortunately people think being physically stronger means being mentally stronger too.Essentially,human beings are weak, its only fools who dont realize that.

    So I'd say nature and biology has brought about a reason for this condition, to some extent its good because it makes us tough and non emotional but on the other hand it has made men suffer more pain than what they're supposed to because they keep the pain to themselves.Personally as a guy myself ,I have felt like crying on a lot of occasions but dint do so ,the sole reason being this

    Edit : CrXssfire, sometimes you're right in looking behind a person's ulterior motives!....lol!!!!

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  • lane
    Lv 4
    9 years ago

    Sometimes I think most men are sociopaths by female standards. Or, in comparison, relatively autistic (no offense to people suffering from autism).

    Like the guy who said: "I usually try not to get to emotional about things, its only a buzz kill in my mind." Buddy was just being honest.

    Empathy is more learned than we think. Ever seen a toddler pull an animal's tail? Or laugh when she pushes another kid around, because she`s made some kind of impact and got a response? I think a lot of men never grow out of that.

    It's harder to achieve traditionally male goals if you're empathetic. They get punished for it. Cause they socialise themselves, with their pack-mind.

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  • I think guys, me included, feel that we have to be manly and strong,

    and think alot of men think that by showing your emotions it makes you weak and maybe less of a man.

    I personally am not afraid to shed a tear every now and then but it does take alot for me to cry, i wont get emotional over falling out with someone, where as a lot of women might do (no sexism intended).

    Its hard to determine why men feel like this, maybe it is all to do with history, men were always seen as the ones that would go hunting back when we lived at one with nature, and the women would do the easier job of collecting berries etc, It was always seen in the past that men were strong and women were the weaker of the two. Nowdays we're all equal obviously and i just don't think men, realise that its okay to be emotional once in a while, maybe us men just aren't as emotionally developed as women

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  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    a girl has a very soft heart in comparison to a boy so expresses all their things. boys expresses unless it is an extreme condition.

    our mother they cries if they see us after a long time. our father do cry but they hide everything.it's by nature.

    a boy child mostly likes to play ball,guns and trains,buses. girl child plays toy plates and spoons.

    parents they know what for their baby boy and what for their girl.in this way from a very small age they know about what they are.they feel the changes about the voice,choices,colours while growing up and also about the emotions and expressions( u are concerned). so it's not a boy solely responsible for it. the family and society, friends and behavior has a great things to do..

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  • messi
    Lv 5
    9 years ago

    This just proves that girls love drama movies more than men

    There is a difference between a girl crying in public and guy crying in public.People will feel sorry for the girl and may even try to comfort her but for the man, he will be critisized for being a crybaby and considered a coward.

    No wonder you girls adore twilight and men like me cannot stand it because there is so less action,slow paced,cold acting.A guy who sees twilight with his girl is probably trying not to hurt her feelings although he prefers a full packed action movie.

    It is best to express your feelings to someone you trust because it makes you less depressed.

    Men feel the need to be known as brave,confident whom anyone can approach with ease.

    They hate crying or showing their inner most feelings especially in front of women.

    Well with time if a guy does not express his feelings alone or to others, he will become cold hearted individual.

    Do what makes you feel comfortable because there is no point in trying to change men because they are usually stubborn mules who refuse to change their ways.

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  • 9 years ago

    It's societal and neurological. Male brains are geared more towards actions and in depth processes than they are towards emotional and sensing quantities. This being said, men can still possess the ability to process emotions like a woman, however it's far less common in normal men. Gender identity plays a huge role in this as Men who identify male, they tend to through their identity emulate other men. This is where the social aspect of it comes into play. Men base their ideas of maleness on their fathers and male family members then later on the personifications of other men, editing here and there until they can or seek to find their medium. Men become masculine and out of touch with their emotions because (in part) the emulate the behaviors of other men.

    Now, the interesting thing about this is the more deeply rooted and harder to control aspect of this... Testosterone. Testosterone is know to have a deadening effect on emotional response, and depending the it's lows and it's highs, the emotionality of men fluctuates, in most cases almost daily. Men tend to peak in the morning, and throughout the afternoon and fall off in the evening unless sexually stimulated. However, people on testosterone can also it too high of an amount can result in loses of control of anger, while all other emotions are silent. But fundamentally, Testosterone in men produces a reaction that heightens logical quick response skills and turns emotions into off mode. It's more like it just dulls, then turning off. So, the combination of conditioning, gender identity, hormones and normal male neurological structuring results in a being with slightly more aggressive quick react processing, and less sensing and less emotional connectivity.

    This, however, doesn't mean that men can't become in tune with their emotions, but just not on the same level as women. If society expected men on a whole to be more sensitive, the later societal influence wouldn't worsen the overall built in aspects. Men have plenty of emotions, but are configured to act rather than feel. In the Myers-Brigs type indicators, Men tend to be SP and ST and women tend to be NF or NT. Women are sensors (or iNtuitive) more often, and can pick up on others emotions, but some women break this pattern. However, the general consensus puts women as intuitive, and feeling people. There is an extensive middle ground of mixes; as far as NF/NT versus SP/ST it is predominantly S types for males, and N types for women.

    Source(s): MBTI, Psychology studies, and personal experience, plus my own inborn woman's intuition, not to mention my observations of people.
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  • 9 years ago

    I was always taught as a child never to show weakness. I would be beaten for crying. Crying over small things is a feminine trait because it is usually not helpful in a fast paced situation. You can watch any action movie and see. Although not real, it does show what sometimes happened to our great ancestors. When a cowboy loses his friend in the heat of a battle, he does not cry, he simply pumps his shotgun and fires back.

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  • 9 years ago

    Amanda, each man has a different way of dealing with his emotions. You just have to accept and respect that not every man is comfortable openly crying in front of you. Though I'm sure once you tell your father about the black baby inside of you, he will openly cry and yell at you if not beat you savagely for being a *****.

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  • 9 years ago

    Because that is how society GEARS men to be. It is not acceptable for a man to express how they think or feel, it is considered to be "feminine". Men are taught to be thataway from birth. A sensitive man is an outcast.

    One good book to read that helped me tremendously is : Men are from Mars, and Women are from Venus by: John Gray PHD.

    It is wise you learn these things early in life. Men are just wired differently then women. We are not cut from the same cloth. Men are a whole 'nother beast.

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  • Ashiya
    Lv 6
    9 years ago

    I agree with you Afshan, but not all guys are this way. I have 2 brothers, my older one puts up a wall in order to avoid talking about any personal issues while the younger one is extremely emotional and caring. I think that there is something inside them which makes them fear all this. They never learned how to handle such situations so they just choose to ignore it or seem oblivious.

    Edit: I just read Abhishek's answer, that makes sense actually.

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