My foster son wants to become my foster daughter - opinions and guidance please?
Im so sorry that this is extremely long, I need a little help...
My wife and I have 2 children of our own (both boys), plus 3 foster children (2 girls and another boy). She and I love, and treat them all equally...and the children are generally happy. Of course, being the young ones they are, (the oldest child being one of my sons aged 11) silly arguments do still exist between them...but what can you honestly expect.
I have come to Yahoo, and this section in particular asking for a little help, and guidance...plus maybe a few opinions from those who have experienced this issue. My fostered son (who is 8 years old) has on multiple occasions told me he feels like he is a girl on the inside over the past week or two. I have had him in our house for around 2 months now, and always felt he was somewhat "different". He has never really fit in with my boys...and instead would play with the other two girls we house. I thought this may have been because they share a similar story (being fostered and all) but didnt think this were the case when he stared playing with dolls, and dressing up in his "sisters" clothes constantly. He plays fashion shows and pretends to be a mother.
The first time I heard him tell me he felt female, I didnt know what to say. I know what a transgendered person is, and Im begining to think he is one...which is totally ok with me. I want to be there for him, and support his needs 110%
Last month I offered to take all the boys dirt biking with me for some "boy time", while the girls went with my wife to do some horse riding. At the time, this little boy I foster didnt say anything, but he looked really upset, as if he wanted to go out with the girls instead and go horse riding too. He wasnt at all interested in the dirt bikes, while the other boys were basically excited over "how cool this was!!!".
But yesterday was what got me thinking. He came to me, and said..."I dont want to be a boy, and my favourite colour is pink" I told him, "I know a lot of little boys that like the colour pink". He looked at me again for a couple of seconds before saying "But Im not a boy, and I feel like a girl". I can see how much he is suffering from time to time, especially at night (which he has just recently started crying about) and when we go swimming, and really want to make him feel happy. He was put into foster care because of abuse...but he told me the other day his parents would hurt him for saying he wanted to be a girl and wear pretty dresses. I told him that I love him, and that I know he is a girl on the inside, and he smiled so much.
Today I took the kids shopping while my wife stayed home to finish off some paper work. I let them each pick out a nice shirt. He went straight to the girls section of clothing and picked out a pretty pink shirt. His siblings questioned it, but I said that a person is allowed to wear whatever they want, in what ever colour they want. I even bought it for him, and he put it on as soon as we got back home. I told him that we would let him grow his hair out too, and he said "I cant wait to have pretty girl hair".
I have done some research and am really thinking about letting him see a therapist. Do you think I should ask him what he wants to be called? And use female pronouns also? Cause I can, its defiantly no problem to me or my wife...and I know how happy it will make him. How should I explain this to the other children? What about school? And then comes the big question of puberty? I know hormone blockers are vital, and I would love to see him on them by the age of 10 for his benefit.
How can I comfort him and make him feel like any average girl should? Those who have been through and experienced these hardships...please post your opinions. Once again, I am so sorry this has been long!
- LaurARGHLv 61 decade agoFavorite Answer
Most transgendered people know from a young age that they were meant to be a different sex so it's no surprise your son is now coming out vocally about this. If he's been like this his whole life and it makes him happy then there should be nothing to stop you and him working out something that works for your family unit as a whole. Yes, you'll need to explain to the other children what is going on and to use female pronouns if that's what he feels comfortable with and to refer to him as a she if that's also what he would like. If you and your wife have no problem with it and your other children seem to be well-adjusted to the fact your family are very open and willing to accommodate your son's needs then at home nothing should be a problem. When it comes to schools it may be more difficult as you'll probably encounter someone who thinks your research is a pile of crap and want to treat him as a boy but you must put your foot down and tell them that you decide what's going on with him and you decide how his gender is handled. Talk to the head of the school and if no progress is made file a report to the head of the school board. He cannot be made to feel like less of a person in school, as you know.
When it comes to puberty he will need to be diagnosed so getting him a therapist is of the utmost importance. When it does come time for hormone blocks then the therapist in question should be able to get the ball rolling and give you contacts whereas if you didn't have a therapist who'd already diagnosed him he would have to undergo tests from the GP, a therapist provided by them and so on. It would be a longer process and if you plan to have him on these hormones by the age of 10 then you need to see someone asap.