I so bitterness in my heart, Should I feel this way?
I am currently 18, and my little brother is 17 (his birthday today)
ever since youth, I always remember recieving fewer then what he recieved. Birthday, chrsitmas, allowance, fiancial help, benifit, privilages, rights, etc.
I do not hate my brother, nor he hates me.
I feel so unjust, and I have this big bitterness toward my parents.
Today for his birthday, they decides to get him a 800$ labtop (supposely for his graduation, birthday, etc).
1st of all, he didnt graduate, 2nd of all they did the exact same thing for me, but i only recieve 600 dollar to go "buy a labtop".
I was lucky enough to get a "decent" labtop with 200 dollars, and my mom took the rest 400$ and kept it into savings.
Now I learned that the car im driving was bought with my 2 grand, which i saved up...
I told them that my firend had a car for sale for 800 dollar (red honda civil, way better then my current car)
BUT they told me to shut up.
Now they blame me for not going out to finding a cheap car... WTF?!?!
Also they are going to give my current car for FREE to my brother, and I have to pay huge amount of money to get a new car...
Then they are going to pay 3000 dollars for my brother to go on a mission trip..
I went to mission trip too, but I made my own 3000 dollars and had to work, and even got robbed while doing so. I rode bike for an hour, just to get to work, and worked really hard.
But my brother is getting these things for FREE!!!
I FEEL SOO BITTER!!
Today i heard a message about the Lost son
LUKE ch 15 11~31
I feel like the older brother, who had done everything right, but now by seeing his younger brother recieving all this glory from my parents (possibly from God), I am just feeling soo bitter (NOT JEAOUSLY).
I do not want money, or anything else. But why do I feel so bitter??
I paid for my car (without even knowing that it was MY MONEY)
I pay my insurance (They forced me to get FULL coverage, 190, when single coverage is 70)
I pay for my gas
I work and make only 400ish per month (already 250 out for car related stuff, rest is my saving fund for my summer mission)
I feeel sooo bitter!!!
Im praying and keep on humbling and try to find peace, but my bitterness is overwhleming these other resistance..