How do I give my wife an ultimatum? Either she kicks our gay teen son out or we're getting a divorce?
I want to say it in the nicest way possible.
- Bunny7Lv 69 years agoBest Answer
I hope I can convince you that you are wrong! ANY type of ultimatum between spouses or family is and SHOULD be for extremely serious situations IF AT ALL...and I am not sure 'there is a time' at all! Your son is leading a gay lifestyle and I UNDERSTAND how that 'feels wrong' and IS WRONG in God's eyes. My granddaughter is doing the same right now.
BUT...put things into perspective, PLEASE. First of all in todays teen world 'being Gay' is OKAY much more than it was even a few years ago. THEY don't see the same 'points' about it OR many other things that WE DO. That 'world' of todays 'teen' is WHERE they have to LIVE and FIT IN or their self-esteem will suffer and much more serious problems COULD happen. They no longer LOOK that much (just a bit) to the parent as an 'example' because they NATURALLY are 'trying to fit in' with others their OWN AGE.
Second...there is PHYSICAL EVIDENCE that 'some gays' have PHYSICAL reasons 'why they are the way they are!' I knew a family where two of three 'girls' were born female OUTSIDE and male inside...it happens more often than you think. Doctors CHOSE to keep them female, but in the case of my former step brother they CHOSE to keep him a 'little boy' when it became OBVIOUS as he aged that 'inside' he was NOT a boy, but a 'girl.' THESE ARE HUMAN CONDITIONS AND GOD KNOWS THAT OUR WORLD IS NOT PERFECT AND HE WOULD NOT HOLD IT AGAINST SOMEONE WHO HAS A PHYSICAL DEFECT BECAUSE IT ISN'T THEIR FAULT AND DELIBERATE DISOBEDIANCE TO GOD IS 'WHAT HE ABHORS.'
Others I know...like my granddaughter and her mate.........were PHYSICALLY molested, raped and abused as children. This turned them toward 'each other' and AWAY from the 'sexual male species' that caused them such harm. MOST of the Gays that I know, have SEXUAL ABUSE in some part of their history.......does your son?
Last but NOT LEAST...........God sees ALL sin 'in the same light.' So IF HE considers what your son is doing 'sin' then I AM SURE He is also watching the wrongs you have done 'because we are ALL human and have fallen SHORT of the Glory of God!' You are not to JUDGE anyone else...the Bible says this. My granddaughter KNOWS without a shadow of a doubt that I THINK what she is doing is very wrong and AGAINST what GOD would want. I managed to DO THAT, in a loving way WITHOUT trying to shut her OUT of our life. She had LOTS of problems that could have left her DEAD before she found this young woman to 'befriend.' THEY BOTH know 'how I feel' but they also KNOW I LOVE THEM!!!
I might 'come down hard' if they STOLE from me...and I certainly would HAVE to back away if they murdered someone (ten commandment references). BUT this 'lifestyle' choice that is NOT RIGHT just doesn't rise to THAT LEVEL!!!
You will LOSE your wife, YOUR SON and YOUR FAMILY and wake up someday ALONE and 'understanding' that YOU HANDLED IT ALL WRONG...if you do this!!!
LET GO AND LET GOD...is a 'old saying.' It means STAY OUT OF THE PROBLEM and don't be a PART OF IT or PART OF MAKING IT WORSE and just LET GOD...in His WAY and TIME 'fix it.'
God would NOT WANT the destruction of a family and the PEOPLE of that family under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES.
TRY....HARD, to understand even if you cannot AGREE with your son's lifestyle. LOOK for the 'why' of the situation and 'be human' about it.
It is likely PRIDE that is pushing you away and the Bible says "Pride goeth before the FALL of a man."
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, is the answer.......not HATE and BITTERNESS and giving an ultimatum to your wife or son!
Blessings to You,
- 9 years ago
First, there is no good way to give anyone such an ultimatum. Ask yourself though, why do you need to give her an ultimatum? Is it really wise? What if she chooses your son over you? Is it really something worth getting a divorce over? If it is then I doubt you ever should have married her in the first place because you don't truly love her. Not unconditionally. The problem isn't that your son is gay, or that your wife won't kick him out. The problem is that you can't deal with it. I want to say this in the nicest way but it sounds like maybe you should talk to someone. Someone more qualified than the people that are insulting you because of your ultimatum choice. At least consider seeing someone before you make give your wife this huge life changing ultimatum.
- WendyLv 44 years ago
I'm Catholic too, and to be honest I almost left the church until a gay-friendly Priest talked to me at a function and told me that there are several members of the church that do not agree with Rome's stance on homosexuality - and are completly supportive of open sexuality. I suggest you find a more friendly Priest that you can confide in. That being said, the reason your son doesn't need counselling is because, to be frank, he's done nothing wrong. You can support your son by being there for him, reassuring him (without making a big deal about it), and providing lots of hugs and making sure life continues on as normal. If he starts seeing someone and wants you to meet them, try your best to be open and welcoming as well. That will be the real test for you and your wife: can you accept his life fully when the time comes. If you can, your son will be among the most blessed and thankful children on Earth. Coming out of the closet - ESP. THE CATHOLIC CLOSET - can be very, very frightening. You should really appreciate the amount of courage it took for your son to tell you what he did and to confide what is probably his deepest darkest secret to you. I only wish my parents had been more accepting. Mine kicked me out of the house and still barely talk to me. You've done more for your son than you'll ever know, and in time your family will grow and be healthy and prosperous.
- 9 years ago
Your a jerk! Why in the world would you kick your son out because of his sexual preferences? I can't believe people like you.
Yahoo guy - Your a dick. Worst than the guy up there. Do you feel better about yourself judging people? And what does lady gaga have to do with anything. You are one of the most ignorant people I have ever encountered, including the real life idiots I deal with. Reproducing is a choice not an obligation. Manly dad whatever. You make no sense fella. Your ag-whatever = irrelevant. You are extremely retarded and close minded and you pissed me off. What is your problem dude?
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- 9 years ago
An ultimatum (Latin: the last one) is a demand whose fulfillment is requested in a specified period of time and which is backed up by a threat to be followed through in case of noncompliance. An ultimatum is generally the final demand in a series of requests. As such, the time allotted is usually short, and the request is understood not to be open to further negotiation.
- UsurpLv 49 years ago
Honey, because I am a bleeding homophobic imbecile who's pride has been shot since I produced a child who is not up to par with my expectations and does not complement my ego; I have concluded that it is best to alleviate this embarrassment that has been brought upon myself by casting off all evidence of my failure. The consequence for not complying with my selfish decision will be the discontinuation of our marriage. I hope you understand.Source(s): I sincerely hope you're trolling or she divorces you.
- 9 years ago
You want to kick him out because he's gay? What the hell's wrong with you man, he's YOUR SON. Who cares about his sexual preference, are you mad? He's still the same boy you raised, your still his dad, his one and only dad...So many young gay teens commit suicide because parents like you, you're the one who needs help.
I hope you get a divorce, I hope your own son and wife never speaks to you again.
Wow you need to calm down, you're obviously letting your hate towards gay people cloud your judgement. Get some help man, some serious help. You seem like a very miserable man. I never understand why people like you hate on others personal decisions so much, how could you possibly be happy. Not everyone wants to live to reproduce.
- thatday..Lv 49 years ago
Comments like this make gay kids fall into depression, despair and have no self confidence. What happened to accepting others for who they are and treating all ppl with respect? we all deserve that. He doesnt deserve this, he needs support, not to be kicked out.
- 9 years ago
And just why would you need to kick him out? Seriously if your kicking your kid out because of their sexual preference then you need help, not them... Sounds like your wife may be smarter and more understanding than you.
- Dom TopLv 59 years ago
okay...I'm not sure if you're trolling or not but if you aren't God I hope your son gathers the strength or support (from someone else) to allow him to leave you. If your wife is any good she'd to the same.