Christians/catholics/etc, what do you think of this?

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them:

When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

(i did not write this, by the way)

11 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    This is a paraphrase from an October 18, 2000 episode of "The West Wing" in which the President is in conversation with a Dr. Laura type character:

    President: Forgive me, Doctor Jacobs. Are you an MD?

    Dr Jacobs: A PHD.

    President: A PHD?

    Dr Jacobs: Yes, sir.

    President: In Psychology?

    Dr Jacobs: No, sir.

    President: Theology?

    Dr Jacobs: No.

    President: Social Work?

    Dr Jacobs: I have a PHD in English Literature.

    President: I’m asking because people on your show call in for advice. You go by the name Doctor Jacobs on your show and I didn’t know if your listeners were confused by that and assumed you had advanced training in Psychology, Theology or Heath Care.

    Dr Jacobs: I don’t believe they are confused. No, sir.

    President: Good. I like your show. I like the way you call homosexuality an abomination.

    Dr Jacobs: I don’t call homosexuality an abomination, Mr President. The Bible does.

    President: Yes, it does. Leviticus …

    Dr Jacobs: 18:22.

    President: Chapter and verse. I wanted to ask you a couple of questions while you were here.

    I am interested in selling by daughter into slavery as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. She is a Georgetown sophomore, speaks fluent Italian always cleared the table when it was her turn. What would a good price for her be?

    While thinking about that can I ask another?

    My chief of Staff, Leo McGary, insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly says he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself or is it okay to call the police?

    Here is one that is really important because we have a lot of sport fans in this town. Touching the skin of a dead pig makes one unclean. Leviticus 11:7. If they promise to wear gloves, can the Washington Redskins still play football? Can Notre Dame? Can West Point?

    Does the whole town have to be together to stone my brother John for planting different crops side by side?

    Can I burn my mother in a small family gathering for wearing garment made from two different threads?

    Think about those questions, would you?


    With love in Christ.

  • 5 years ago

    <<It can happen with anyone who has power of a high/trusted position in the community or just an everyday person I know this, but that is not my point, my point and question is - If christians, catholics etc are so wonderful, caring, considerate and act the beliefs of 'god' and are the voice of 'god' then why are priests, cardinals etc being convicted and found guilty of child molestation and sexual assalt on children?>> Only 6% of Catholic clergymen are in any way involved in the clergy sex scandals; leaving 94% of them free of any liability concerning said scandals. For you to generalize all clergymen as pedophiles is intellectually reckless! <<........I'm sure this is something that so called 'god' does not believe in?!... No excuses or silly answers>> That's right, pedophilia is a sin. What you have to understand is that God NEVER promised either His Clergyman or the lay Catholic some shield against temptation to sin. All people sin; you sin, I sin, everyone sins. You think the Church is supposed to be some house of saints, when it is actually a hospital for sinners. Authority, in and of itself, is not what corrupted the priests in question; just the same old moral frailties we all experience. Granted, some peopel experience different kinds of moral frailties, but we all have them.

  • 1 decade ago

    Dr. Laura is Jewish and does not know the rest of the story about Jesus, so she is under law and not grace. We would be interested in her response.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    These questions are actually easily answered - though the explanation is long in some cases. Any Jewish scholar can do so - and do so reasonably and rationally. You will have trouble finding one who will do so, though, as the questions are obviously facetious.


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  • Ernie
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    Only the first paragraph applies; the rest is either blasphemy, or OT laws which have been fulfilled in Christ Jesus.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    We WUVS you, Pedobear!

    Yesterday, we took my girlfriend to the edge of the village and stoned her to death because she had the audacity to wear a leather mini and thigh-highs.

    Kind of a pity; she looked damn hot. But hey! Rules are rules!

    ("Under law and not grace"; what the f**k does THAT mean. Oh yeah, Jesus "fulfilled" the OT laws... WTF does that EVEN mean?)

  • 1 decade ago

    Perfect illustration of fundie hypocrisy and doublethink.

  • 1 decade ago

    This should be addressed to Jews.

    Christians are under Grace-new test.NOT under the laws of Moses.

  • 1 decade ago

    Thank you, Jesus, for coming and freeing us from these laws.

  • 1 decade ago

    I think it's a good example of 'OH SNAP!'.

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