Teen pregnancy --- Giving them a taste of what life will be like.?
So, my husbands younger cousin (15) just found out she was pregnant. We are trying to get her to understand that the BEST option for this unborn baby is to give him/her up for adoption. (Long story, but adoption really is THE BEST option for her and her family).. but she wants to keep the baby. She thinks she is ready to handle the responsibility. (She's is DEF. NOT READY)
So anyway, she is now staying with an older cousin and we want to give her a taste of what life will be like having a baby at 15. I've suggested waking her up at 2am in the morning to go down stairs to make milk, then again at 4am in the morning, then waking her up again at 6am to change the bedsheets because the baby just threw up. I also suggested contacting the local high school to see if they will loan us one of the "home'ec" baby dolls for us to use. (The baby doll is controlled by a little computer chip that will make the baby cry at random times of the day and it wont stop crying until you've either changed its diaper, feed it, rocked it, or etc..)
Anyway.. my question to you guys is.. do you have any other suggestions of things we could do to give this girl a taste of what life will be like?
@Simone: You don't know the family situation. So believe me when I say SHE IS NOT READY. WE ARE supporting her as a family. If we didnt care, we would let her have this baby and struggle for the rest of her life! This unborn child DOES NOT DESERVE THIS LIFE. If you are not here to answer my question and give suggustions, then just don't answer and move on to the next.
Thank you to those with helpful suggustions!!
@ The Term: Yes, at the end of the day it is her decision. But you wouldn't let a 6 year old make the decision to drive a car or not would you? Some 15 year olds are mature for their age, some maybe even be able to handle having a baby... but this Girl.. she is not. She smokes illegal substances, drinks alcohol and thinks that this scumbag she is dating loves her and will take care of her forever and ever. HELLO? He's only 17 and already has another 1 year old child out there with a different girl... did he stick around to help take care of his 1 year old? NO!
It just hurts our hearts soo much that this is happening...
Sorry for all the added details! LOL.
@ Kylie: Good for you for getting a job and having a place to live with your boyfriend. This may work for you because maybe you and your boyfriend are mature teens. But just being financially ready does not make one ready to grow up and become a parent. But thanks for your opinion! :)
- Anonymous9 years agoFavorite Answer
Do you have young children? Invite her over for the weekend and let her "run the show", so to speak (under your supervision, of course... they are your children).
Nappies, bottles, creams, exercise, playtime, food, up at all hours, and keeping a constant watch on those that can move around.
I was 19 when I had my son, and even though I thought I was quite the person who could go and party until all hours, and then still be up at 7am for work and do it all again that night, I was absolutely wrecked when it came time to having 7 hours of broken sleep, and staying up all day, washing clothes that had been puked on and washing bottles and baby, all while trying to keep myself fed at the same time (I often forgot to eat while my son was awake, and ate once a day at around 8pm).
At 19 I don't think I was ready, but as a legal adult I decided to raise my son; at 15 I was a virgin!
The home-ec baby sounds like a good option, as well. My sister had one, and it was even harder to 'settle' than what my son was. I hope your cousin-in-law realises that this isn't something that she can just put to the side once she wants her life back. If she's in it, she's in it for good. This is a lifelong, lifechanging choice that she is making. The child, although dearly loved, would be much better off in a home with adults raising him or her, rather than having a life where the mother is no more experienced than the baby.
I agree and disagree with you. 15 is too young to be a mom. BUT you're approach to deter her from raising the child, at this time is unhealthy. Waking her up all hours of the night is going do her more harm than good. She needs adequate rest at this time. What teens don't understand when they are getting pregnant, is they require more than an adult woman does during pregnancy because they are not yet developed. Her age alone puts her in a high risk category. You're first task is too keep her healthy and well rested during the pregnancy.
It's true, at the end of the day, the decision is hers. All you can really do is educate her in what she will go through during pregnancy and parenthood. Also, educate her on her options. And don't force your opinions on her. Just be supportive. She may surprise you in the end.
Also, as for those home ec dolls, they are programmed to be a detterent for young ppl, and don't give a real experience. All babies aren't like that. I swear those "robot babies" all have colic! Again, just help educate her. If you have family resource centers, or crisis pregnancy centers, take her to them to find some help.
- 9 years ago
I had my child at 16, and even though it was very tough, i think i can give you some input. You def. need to find someone with a NEWBORN baby for her to care for all night long. (as long as parents dont mind ;-)). I understand your shoes, i kept my daughter, and i learned the HARD way. You should make a list of all the costs ALL COSTS. Including day care so she can work to pay for diapers, formula etc. and show her that even a minimum wage job won't pay for it in this economy. Also, I'm sure that her scumbag b.f. is not going to take care of her een though he claims so... Trust me, i got lucky, I have been married since i was 16, and i am now 20, and me and my husband have had SOOOO many ups and downs. You need to make her realize that even though she s loved and the baby is loved, that NOONE is going to pay for the baby but her and the father, and tough luck if he decides he's 17 and doesnt want the responsibility. Not only that, but make her stay in every night until she delivers so she realizes, NO THERE IS NO TIME FOR FRIENDS anymore. She also needs to do all laundry, and cleaning, I mean if she really thinks it's going to be a piece of cake, or a walk in the park, and under the families circumstances, obviously can't care for the baby, then she needs so at least consider adoption for tha sake of the baby. It is not a walk in the park by any means, and she will not truly understand it until she is up at 2 am with a screaming baby, and has to get up for work within a few hours, and noone is there to help her. If you want my email, you are free to contact me, and so is she if she wants a dose of reality, i can tell her ALL about my experience.... She needs to talk to adoptive mothers, and to other teen moms. :-) best of luck.
oh and make sure she knows about insurance too... Because i had about 5000$ in hospital billd from my daughter because she didnt have insurance, good thing i did because i had emergency c-section....
In this economy, Absolutely does no baby have a price, I love my daughter more then life, but does she know that people will pay for all her bills and even compensate for a healthy baby?
- JenniferLv 59 years ago
If you want her to see what it will be like she should babysit a REAL baby, not an electronic one - it's the only way to show what it's like.
I know you think you are doing what's right and I think teen pregnancy is horrible and many babies should be given up for adoption, BUT it's the mothers choice period. This may help her to grow up and be a responsible person. Usually teen pregnancy should be avoided before it happens and you guys may should have tried to intervent sooner but now that she's pregnant, it's up to her. You guys should support her decision. I don't know if you have kids but if you do, could you imagine giving one of them up? Not so easy huh? Not for her either.
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- Shauna RaeLv 69 years ago
Poor spots of oatmeal on her favorite clothes to make it look like spit up. You gotta find a way to simulate the whole diapering experience as well.
This is kind of cruel but I cant help but laugh a little. I think every teenagers should have to go through this anyways. It would probably cut down on the pregnancy rate.
honestly, i think that if she wants to keep her baby, you shouldnt be bringing her down and trying to make her not want it. thats messed up. family is suppose to be supportive over situations like this? maybe she will grow up. i have known many young mothers and they are doing fine. maybe with the families help but one thing you should do is make her get a job and tell her to start saving money up thats the responsible thing to do. i am going to be a young mother but have my life in order and i think the best thing is to grow up get a job, and do the best you can for your baby and my family is here to support me 100% they werent too happy about me getting pregnant this young, but you know what my baby inspired me to get a great paying job, and get my life together. my bf also has his own job that pays well and we have our own place and support ourselves and are saving for our baby. so my best advice is, if she wants to keep it, let her keep it. forcing her to do what she doesnt want to do is the wrong thing. you are her family so support her how would you feel going thru 9 months with your baby in your stomach and just giving it up. so for the upcoming months until her baby comes, push her to get a job and the boy to also, thats the best thing in my opinion.
- 9 years ago
Let her make her own decision. If she can't cope AFTER the baby is a couple of montha old, bring up adoption again.
- 9 years ago
Leave her all alone with the home ec doll for at least a week. Thats when she break down is when theres no one around to help.Source(s): experience
- 9 years ago
i went to a day care for a day and worked just in the infant room. listening to every bsby scream and changing diapers was crazy
- Gianas mom 2Lv 49 years ago
i understand your concern for her, but really its her choice. whether YOU think she is ready or not is irrelevant. would you like it if someone told you to give your baby away? its devistating to think about!
to answer your question though, as we all know you really cant have a taste of motherhood untill youve actually experienced it. the things you ahve suggested might help her understand but i doubt that it would really open her eyes.