Well ... he does have a point.
What you're really mad about is that you feel like you're not part of a team, and that he isn't validating your feelings (read: he's not saying 'Gee, I guess you're right for being upset because I don't do that much around here.) A real man would at least make you feel like your feelings matter, and repeat back what you said so that YOU KNOW that he heard you. Your guy's not doing that.
Now, that's things from your perspective.
From his perspective, this is what happens. He works so that you can stay home with the baby. That's HIS job - work and make money. So what if he doesn't move around - that's completely irrelevant. (By the way, handing out arms and weapons is NOT easy. It takes serious amounts of focus and attention to detail so that you don't mess it up and kill someone by accident. It's mentally exhausting. The reason he plays his drums is to blow off some steam, which I'm sure you would need after a day like he has all the time) In 99% of homes, women DO take care of the baby. To him, that IS your job, and (according to him, now) since it's your job, you shouldn't complain about it. You should just deal with it. Changing, feeding etc are part and parcel of what are Baby Stuff.
In a way, you're both right, and you're both wrong. You think that because his job isn't that demanding (according to you), that he should be able to come home and help out more. He thinks that your job isn't that demanding (according to him) because at least you're at home, and can structure your day HOW YOU WANT.
I have a suggestion.
Hit him where it counts - and start being the girlfriend again. You remember her ... right? The flirty, fun, sexy, spontaneous chick he first met and fell for ... start being HER again. Next time you need some help, get a little playful. "Baby, could you bring that wonderful *** over here and help your woman with something?" Send him a hot text message about how amazing he was last night. When he takes the trash out, look at him like he's The Rock (or whoever your favorite sex symbol is), and say something like "oooh, look at those muscles. You look so hot when you life that heavy bag, Stud." (I know ... SAY IT ANYWAY!) When you have to walk past him, grab his butt on the way. Out of the blue, just walk over to him and give him a nice, hot, long, sexy kiss that lasts for longer than 20 seconds. If he tries to pull away before you want him to, grab his face in your hands and don't let him. So WHAT if the kid is watching. The best thing you could do as parents is show your kid(s) that you love each other. That will give them a feeling of security and peace (even if he's just a toddler or a baby. They can feel stuff - they pick up on every vibe that's around!!)
If you want a harmonious, peaceful home, then make your man feel like he's the most important thing in your world. TREAT HIM like that! Don't ask what's in it for you because you already KNOW what's in it for you - a happier husband, and a more peaceful harmonious home. If it seems like you're the only one making any effort, just stifle it. We woman have all the power when it comes to relationships. We just don't know how to use it. Instead of spending 20 minutes explaining what irks me about my husband, when he asked me what I'm really mad about, I would have taken 3 steps over to him, grabbed his face, kissed him really long, and then said, 'I'm mad about you, baby.'
"He doesn't understand what I go through as a mother" Well ... YOU don't understand what HE goes through as a father. He's not always right? And YOU ARE !?!?! Come on, now. You can't point the finger at him, without having 3 fingers pointing back at yourself. Don't believe me? Point your finger at the monitor right now, and look down at your hand.
Now, go find him wherever he is, and walk over to him. The last step before you're actually touching him ... just pause a second, and look at him. Then, put your arms around him, and when he's all wrapped up in your warm bod and how good you smell, whisper to him the following: "Baby, I'm sorry for being unreasonable sometimes. I hate it when we fight. I love you and our marriage, and you're the only man for me, and I can't imagine my life without you in it." While you're saying this, give him a squeeze somewhere that he'll appreciate. Then, do something that will inspire that hot text you're going to send him tomorrow.
Start there. Show him more appreciation for what he DOES, instead of focusing on what he doesn't do. BE THE GIRLFRIEND !! Be the woman that he will WANT to come home to, instead of this naggy thing who gripes for 20 minutes.
Best of luck to you. Now, go find that man of yours, but put on a little smell-good stuff first.
P.S. Why don't you re-read your post, doll. YOU'RE the one who said he hands out weapons. You're also the one who is digging in her heels and not wanting to accept ANY responsibility for the fact that your husband isn't happy in his marriage. If he WAS, then he WOULD help you instead of picking fights and "disregarding your feelings" (your words.) You see, happy husbands would rather bleed through their eyes than hurt their wife's feelings, or not take care of the baby when he needs changing. Happy husbands are like that - they DO MORE than yours is.
As for whether or not my man loves me for what I do for him, our home and our marriage ... I'll let you figure that out for yourself, after you pull your head from your asz. You sound like a petulant, bratty, spoiled child who didn't understand the depth of sacrifice, compromise and selflessness that marriage demands.
I told you the truth - we women have ALL the power to have a happy home, but the stupid, selfish ones use it all wrong and you're a perfect example of what not to do.
If you really want a better marriage, then stop whining, and go look in a mirror.