Am I being too picky when it comes to dating?
It's long, yeah... but thanks to those who read this =/
Basically, I'm a 17 year old guy. I've had a lot of difficulty with relationships -_- most of my friends are girls, but... whenever I've run into the whole crush/dating/whatever triangle thing, it's been a mess for me. I had feelings for this one girl who I talked to, only I found out that her parents were incredibly strict and didn't allow her to date; I didn't want to interfere or anything, so I sort of... backed off. I had feelings for one of my best friends since kindergarten -- she got a boyfriend, though, and telling her would ruin our friendship and trust... I was at camp once, and there was this really nice girl who I got to know =/ she asked me out, only I couldn't say yes (it would have been rude to someone else, and it was a whole story, and.....) There was another girl who I met at a party -- we got along pretty well, only I was really shy and she was moving too fast, and I felt like I didn't even know her when she supposedly wanted me to ask her out, and I felt awkward, and... ...dating, or anything even related to dating or girls has just never, ever been my thing. It's either that I'm too shy, or most of the time, it's that there's some sort of "obstacle" in the way. Trying to respect someones parents wishes, trying to respect a really strong friendship that you have with someone and not destroy it... trying to not be rude to other people around you. Trying to keep your "standards" and only have a relationship with someone when you actually "know them" (or whatever whacky thinking I had going on there...) It's either that these are just obstacles that have popped up, or I create them myself. I don't know. I've never, ever been in a relationship, or anything! And it's really depressing =/ I made a pledge to myself that I'm not going to create barriers for myself, I'm not going to try to create obstacles... if I ever meet someone in the future, I'd just try to get to know them, and see where it goes -- period. No obstacles, no wondering if we're a "match"... just plain and simple: getting to know someone.
Fast forward a year. Problem: I met someone. And don't get me wrong, she's really great =/ she's really nice, and funny... but you know that "vibe" that you get? Yeah, I'm not getting that "vibe." I think that we have different interests, we... I mean, I don't know. Maybe we do, and I just don't know her well enough yet, right? I'm still trying to get to know her. But I'm just scared: what if she drops the question? What if it gets that far? I don't k-n-o-w what my answer would be! A part of me is screaming out to get to know her, and not to be so judgmental. But the other half is saying that yeah, I could do that, and it may or may not lead to a relationship, but would I be happy? That side is screaming out "no"... and even if I were to say yes? What if I don't think it's working out? I can't, will not, won't ever allow myself to break someones heart! I can't just get involved in a relationship, and then a month later be like, "oh, hey, I think we should break up." Like seriously!?!? NO! I could never do that. I'm just so lost, and I don't know what to do... does anyone have any advice? Any sort of dating advice, whatsoever? Please? I'm so desperate, here =/ What do I do?
But do I go ahead and get involved in a relationship with this person, or do I keep waiting until I find that "special person" where there's magically no obstacles or anything of the sort? haha =/
- 10 years agoFavorite Answer
You are exceptional guy, you figured out so much of what really matters already it's wild.
You keep being yourself, you are very very far therefore you will experience something truly extraordinary and totally harmonious with someone who is as far as you are.
The girl you haven'r met yet, but you are about to meet, because you are so ready.
You will see, _everything- will feel so right and perfect.
The key to harmonious and therefore extraordinary amazing relationships with people (and life in general) is to completely value yourself, self respect and self appreciations.
You seem you have it, that is exactly why you feel to treat also other people with respect and to be considerate.
You are real and therefore you are so going to meet someone just as real.
No need to settle for anything less, it would only drag you down.
trust your intuition (never fears though) and you will be way more than fine.
Look for the girl everywhere, don't just wait whoever happens to you.
Girls who are hitting on you are on different level than you are as you need someone who value herself completely.
I am very happy for you, just keep being yourself, you are very successful you have no idea :)
Just don't measure, compare to people, guys, couples who seek so much less and not real stuff in their lives. People who just use other people to fill emptiness in their life etc, have way more matches available than real you (because there are so many more of those). So no more comparing, it would be totally irrelevant as them and you seek something completely different.
Do your part and find her, she is more amazing than in your dreams you'll see and she has great life as she values herself completely, she won't be throwing herself onto you. She has no reasons to.
All is more perfect than you realize.
Yes, just keep looking for her. You will find her, everything to the smallest detail about her will not only feel right but will be totally fascinating. You will love the way she perceives you, and all the details and her esthetics, clothing, voice, everything will be attractive to you, you'll see.
Most of people are with others to fill their emptiness, it is not a true or real anything, it has _nothing_ to do with this or that person.
We all deserve the greatest happiness in the world, but only few realize that.
You are going to experience something so awesome , beyond words, you''ll see!
You can have all you dream of plus the pleasant surprises! COmpromises are for insecure people who either believe they don't deserve more harmonious or who believe compromises are necessary (the illusion of it is because in mismatched, unreal, unpersonal relationships in order two could even comunicate and coexist they have to sacrifice part of themselves, so none of them is complete..in the realationships where something real is going on, not only no one has to ignore any part of themselves but every aspect of individual personality is highly appreciated, cherished and actually super valuable for this superhero "team" :)
btw I am 33 and 100% happy in life since 16 (I was very friendly to people, but always super picky about the guys, I knew what attracts me and never used anyone just because they liked me unless I was digging him and admiring him completely and of course for who _he_ is and no one else)
Life is good!
Oh, and one more thing..
those "obstacles" were awesome, it was the universe sabotaging it was gently guiding you towards harmonious and awesome.
And depending on how perceptive we are, that mild or harsh lessons we get (from life).
These obsticles were very mild ..so good for you.
Just keep being yourself exactly who you are. Don't "dilute" any of your dreams, standards, turn ons just because of other people.
Let the situations in life measure up to _you_
We creating out reality by what we focus on, so you just focus on your happiness and well-being, many people will benefit from it too directly or not as directly..
and as of the last mentioned person..she deserves to be cherished completely for who she is as well, so don't worry, if she has complete self respect she will attract the guy who will love everything about her including things/actions you were not as keen of.
sorry, now this is little long :)
- 10 years ago
okay so ive been going through this stuff too. & dont worry. nobody is born with the talent to find the right person for them right away! so just be patient. when you get impatient about this kinda thing, every day without a girlfriend will seem like an eternity. once you start getting comfortable with being single, bam! thats when someone will come along. so just hold on & hang in there. <3 my advice might not be the best, since im only 15 lol but just listen to some of it. ohh yeah, and being in a relationship is not always the key to happiness. just go out and have some fun with friends till she comes along (: