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10 wedding rules you can break. What do you think?

I was reading on The Knot website about outdated wedding rules. How do you feel about them?

Old School Rule #1: The bride's parents pay for the wedding.

New Rule: Every couple funds the festivities in different ways. Maybe your mom and dad want to pay for every single thing, but, unlike in the past where the bride's family was expected to foot the whole bill, they're in no way obligated to now. Grooms' parents and the couples themselves chip in nearly as often as brides' parents do. It just depends on your family's situation. If you'd like your fiancé's parents' help, your husband-to-be will need to ask for it -- not you, and certainly not your parents. Just remember: Whoever pays gets a say. If you know your mother-in-law will insist on an in-church ceremony if she contributes and you've got your heart set on exchanging vows on a sandy beach, you may be happier cutting your guest list than asking her to contribute anything.

Old School Rule #2: You must invite everyone with a guest.

New Rule: If they'll know others, skip the plus-one. It's still polite (and very appreciated!) to invite guests' significant others, but if you're inviting a group of coworkers, for instance, and two or more of them are single, they should have no problem attending solo. Only when guests won't know anyone aside from the couple is it mandatory to let them bring a date. It's kind to invite attendants with guests too (they are shelling out big bucks for their attire!).

Old School Rule #3: Your registry should consist entirely of housewares for your new home.

New Rule: You can register for anything from honeymoon hotel accommodations to skiing equipment. Guess what, Grandma? Lots of couples live together before they get married and may have all of the towels and blenders they'll ever want. You can request upgraded versions of home items you already own, but nothing should stop you from creating a honeymoon or otherwise "untraditional" registry. These are your gifts, and you need to be happy with them! If you're inviting a few Internet-less guests, including items from a brick-and-mortar store they can actually get to will help prevent a buildup of unwanted presents. But you should feel free to include a ping-pong table for your basement or the complete Sex and the City DVD collection on your wish list if you can't use yet another kitchen appliance. A word of caution: Some of the older folks think that they know what brides and grooms really need, so they may get you an iron even if you haven't requested one.

Old School Rule #4: You must wear a long, white gown.

New Rule: Wear whatever you want! Sure, most brides go the long white or ivory route, but for your wedding day attire, anything goes: from a retro short dress to a silver, slinky sheath to a (gasp!) black pantsuit. As long as you feel fabulous in your outfit, it can be any color or style. You can even skip the veil! Warning: Your fashion choices may wind up shocking your older guests, especially the ones who equate wearing white with "purity." If you'd prefer that your look pleases the crowd but aren't willing to go totally traditional, try working in a hint of color via a dress sash, your shoes, jewelry or a hair accessory or opting for a tea-length dress.

Old School Rule #5: Your mom can't throw your shower.

New Rule: Anyone can throw your shower! People used to think it was rude for the bride's mother to host a party where the sole purpose was for her daughter to get gifts. Other close family members, like sisters, were similarly forbidden from hosting. We didn't get this then, and we don't get it now, and luckily, today's mothers of the bride are ignoring the passé etiquette. In some cultures and regions of the US, like Italians in the Northeast, the mother always hosted her daughter's shower. So encourage your mom to throw yours if you think that she wants to! Your bridesmaids may be itching to throw a shower for you too, so make sure that they coordinate with your mom before they make any definite plans.

**You can see the rest on the website.**

13 Answers

  • 10 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    Rule #1: Def agree this is a dumb rule. If you are old enough to get married, you are old enough to pay for it. You can accept help if it is offered, but it should never be asked for or expected.

    Rule #2: I still think anyone over 18 should get the option of bringing a guest.

    Rule #3: Agree that it should be broken to a point. As long as it's for you to use as a couple, I think it's fine :)

    Rule #4: Agree that it should be broken, you should be allowed to wear whatever you want :) Wish I had worn a short dress...

    Rule #5: I think a mom should be allowed to help, but I don't think she should be the main hostess...

    Rule #6: I still think a rehearsal dinner is important, it's a nice way to say thanks to the people who helped out.

    Rule #7: I don't think it needs to be a rule if you don't want it to. I just think it's more romantic waiting to see each other...

    Rule #8: People should be allowed to sit wherever they want, save for the seats in the front, which should be reserved for close family.

    Rule #9: I think this is fine if one wishes to do this. I just like the romance of walking down the aisle :)

    Rule #10: I think it's better to wait at least overnight to go on your honeymoon. It's such a busy day already without adding in a trip to the airport, a flight, and navigating to a hotel after all the wedding day hoopla.

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  • Pdub
    Lv 6
    10 years ago

    Being a southern bride myself, I am remaining pretty traditional with my wedding. My parents have given me a budget and They are paying for the wedding while my fiance's parents are paying for the rehearsal dinner as well as the honeymoon.

    While I do find it more prudent to follow the traditional rules, I also would not be offended by anyone that didn't. It's a personal choice for each bride how they want their wedding to go, so I say "rules" might be the wrong word.

    You can never go wrong by following all the etiquette "rules", but if you don't want to wear a long white dress or invite a guest for everyone, then don't.

    However, I stand pretty firm on the idea that your mom should not throw you a shower. That seems like more than a "norm" like most of the rules you listed above. It should go without saying that having your mom throw you a shower is just in bad taste. That is basically the same thing as having your own mother ask people to buy you gifts, and its just tacky.

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  • Anonymous
    10 years ago

    1) Agree.

    2) I think you should allow guests in most cases.

    3) Housewares are still best, imo... though I think something alternative like a tool registry at Home Depot is kind of fun.

    4) Agree... the bride should wear whatever she wants.

    5) Agree that it's mostly okay. These days, moms and daughters are often good friends once the daughters have grown up.

    6-10) I'm not a member of The Knot so I couldn't read the rest.

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  • Anonymous
    4 years ago

    My story is probably the opposite of yours. I went to a wedding with my fiance for one of his coworkers last year. It was at a hotel and the ceremony took place outside in the court yard. There was also a pool in the court yard where guests were swimming and sun tanning, and there were rooms all along the perimeter and the maids were rolling their big carts along the sidewalk, knocking on each door, during the ceremony! There were at least 100 chairs set up for the wedding ceremony, but only about 25 people in attendance. The whole thing was just so awkward. Then we went inside to the ballroom for the reception and again, there were like 12 tables set up, but only enough people to fill like 3 or 4 of them. There were no decorations and it felt so weird to be sitting in this giant room with all these tables. Finally, even though the wedding was from 11AM-2PM, there was no lunch served, only a couple of passed hors d'vours, which were awful - meatballs that were still raw in the middle, those frozen toquitos, and chips and queso which didn't even taste like any sort of cheese I had ever tasted before. The whole thing was just so weird, but the couple was really happy and seemed to have a great time, so good for them!

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  • 10 years ago

    i saw those too.

    I agree with most of it, as long as the happy couple keep their registeries simple. I personally think it is ridiculous to ask for a dvd collection, or some other want instead of a need. A wedding is not a birhtday party and people bring gifts to make your home nicer, not to complete your entertainment selection. I would think very poorly of the couple if they asked for that stuff. I think it is greedy, selfish and rude.

    If you dont need housewares or other related items, you dont have a shower. Showers come from way back before people lived together and they were made to give you the necessities to make your home nice.

    Other than that i think they are ok.

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  • 10 years ago

    Rule #1---My parents/his parents aren't paying. We are adults!

    Rule #2--I agree, extra people you don't know cost you money. & some time ALOT of money. Yes its nice when it comes to long term relationships but for some just to bring a guest to say they brought some one forget it! We aren't inviting any one under 21 either!

    Rule #3-- What ever makes the couples new life easier!

    Rule #4-- Must wear a long gown No! Must wear white YES!

    Rule #5-- Any one can throw you a shower. As long as you don't throw it for yourself!

    The rest of the rules were kinda silly things that only super rich people need to worry about. Normal people who cares. Its what ever makes the couple happy!

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  • Anonymous
    10 years ago

    I agree with all but #5. I still think it's tacky for someone so close to the bride to host a gift-giving event for her, then, I really consider what showers have become today to be really tacky all around. Maybe in a few years time we'll see The Knot coming out with a list of 'what not do' that will include showers.

    The rest of the rules seem to have been ditched a long time ago, if they were even rules in the first place, most were more like guidelines. I'm not following most of these rules myself and never gave it a second thought.

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  • I don't give a good hot d@mn what any 'list' or article says...IF a guest has a wife/husband, or a fiance, or a live in partner, or a long term BF/GF in an exclusive dating relationship...they get invited TOO. They are a COUPLE, a UNIT and are NEVER to be broken apart or that fact ignored socially...whether the guest is friend, family, or co-worker/acquaintance.

    The rest you mentioned is negotiable...but out right social RUDENESS NEVER, EVER IS!

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  • Tricia
    Lv 5
    10 years ago

    I agree with some of this. But I don't think a mom or a sister should throw a shower for the bride. That spells greed to me - come to a party, and bring a gift for my daughter. I think that they can throw a party for her, but not a gift-expected occasion.

    Also, those honeymoon registries just drive me batty - it sounds like the Make a Wish Foundation for healthy, employed adults who should pay for their own vacations.

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  • 10 years ago

    I don't agree with the new rules #2 and #5.

    #2, so lets make them be lonely during the entire thing? I mean if you invited them, be ready to pony up the dough for one more.

    #5, Mom might be royally pissed off if she throws a shower for her daughter and people don't bring the gifts she envisions her daughter getting.

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