lil asked in Pregnancy & ParentingAdoption · 9 years ago

Why is it wrong to be anti-adoption when you have been approached at least a half a dozen times to place?

your child or infant for adoption by strangers in stores and asked by a delivery nurse with your second child?

I guess I would view adoption differently if I wasn't approached to place my children for adoption by random people. Maybe I would feel how I did when I was pro-life that adoption is a great alternative to abortion. I AM pro-choice now and been so for some time now maybe 2 years.

Why is being anti-adoption a bad thing? Why would I support something that is about separating children from their families so somebody else can be a parent? I support adoption for children that HAVE been abused or orphaned.

Why is it bad to want adoption reform and want laws in place that it should be illegal to approach a pregnant woman or a woman with small children and ask to adopt their children? Why is it wrong to want adoptees to have the OBC and get an adoption certificate?

Update:

Pip great answer, the way adoption is practiced currently their is a dark side. I've seen recently a lot f questions referring to those against adoption as it is practiced now as being anti-adoption. If they want to label me fine, I am a person but I do have beliefs that differ from others.

7rin I completely agree with what you said.

Linda, I agree with what you are saying but Kitta is right their are those that are pro-reform that if you consider adoption and sign an adoption plan then you can not change your mind. That once you place for adoption then is no time to change your mind.

Teresa the adoptions you describe all sound ethical. Why I do think the parents of the medically fragil parents should have tried to learn how to care for their child if they were unwilling then adoption was the best answer. Why I do understand wanting children to have a childhood, even parents that work can spend the weekends taking their kids to the zoo, park, or chuckie cheese.

Update 2:

Carol I agree we need to start with the reasons why women relinquish. Have easy access to information and resources for women to parent their children, encourage laws to protect father's rights to their children, have women admit who the father or fathers might be. Preserve the family and start with reform there. Great answer.

Ferbs I agree with you.

Tish I agree with you, I actually had them ask if I would consider adoption at Sav-a-Center grocery store in Metairie LA by a woman in her 40s and a few weeks later a woman in her 50s both have never had children it was back in 2005 with my beautiful hazel eyes, blonde hair daughter. My son I was asked at birth if I would like to place him for adoption in McKinney TX, when he was a few weeks old I was asked if I was considering adoption by a hopeful adoptive parent in Walmart Plano, TX. And Again when he was 3 months old I had a woman in her 40s ask to adopt my chunky monkey as her children were all leaving home heading to college.

Update 3:

My youngest I was approached about adopting her out at church. The husband approach me and said they had been struggling with infertility for 10 years and really wanted a baby. A few months later when I was arguing with my husband and had told another church member he popped up again stating that he would love to adopt. I asked him why didn't he go to an adoption agency and he stated he had a crimal record. After my daughter was born when she was several months old somebody came up to me stating how young I was and if I could handle having so many children, that I might want to consider adoption. About 2 months ago when I was shopping at a thrift store I was told that if I didn't want to parent my 5 year old and 18 month old that i would love to adopt them and raise them as my own. That my 5 year old is so sweet and they are such beautiful children and so well behaved.

Update 4:

Random Chick, I am not a bad parent. I showed her an abortin clip that had a plastic womb and a suction tube as she was curious what an abortion was. She also knows that people aren't suppose to touch her private parts, and that she is not suppose to go home with strangers. She also knows how to write all her abcs and 123s. She knows her colors and shapes. She knows her please and thank yous. I am always told how well behaved my children are. They live in a clean environment, they are clean, they are fed, they have a roof over their heads, they are loved, they have clothes on their backs. We have family zoo passes, go to chuckie cheeses, and go to parks. Yes I treat my children as minature adults that will grow up to be adults, not children. I answer their questions and teach them what they want to learn. I am nothing like my parents, my kids don't drink wine coolers, or watch porn, they have parents that are home every night. My children are watched and taken care of.

21 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    9 years ago
    Best Answer

    Being anti-adoption is a bad thing because it terrifies those who want to take someone else's kid 'cause they won't have their own for whatever reason.

    The fact that adoption screws kids up doesn't matter to them, as long as they can get their hands on someone else's offsprogs!

    As for the anti-adoption vs. pro-reform argument - it's a load of balls. I'm anti-adoption *and* pro-reform, in that the reforms I'd enact would obliterate adoption as we know it now, in the same way that adoption as we know it now obliterates that child's history. Neither has anything to do with being anti-child protection however, and only idiots think it does mean that any of us are anti-child protection.

    Source(s): This is how the adoption industry finds out how to convince people to abandon their kids: http://www.divinecaroline.com/22095/39676-national... Abandoned early 1973. Reunited late 2009
  • 9 years ago

    That depends on if you want to take away other people's choices. You should have your choice. And you should not be harassed like that. Shame on those people!!! Why would they do that? How can they judge from your appearance that you are incapable of caring for your children?????

    Still, don't seek to take the CHOICE away from other people. I am pro-adoption, anti-abortion and pro-choice on both. I think abortion is terribly sad. I am not religious. I don't know when human life begins but I think it is very sad and regrettable to abort a child. I think it must be traumatic for the parents, even if they are in denial. But they must have the choice because the alternatives are too ghastly. Adoption is the same way. Yes, it would be better if children could always stay with the mother and father whose voices they know from the uterus. I'm not so concerned about genetic connection, but separation trauma is real. But still there most be a choice. The alternatives are ghastly again.

    I'm pro-adoption and anti-abortion because I think adoption is better than abortion.

    I'm also pro-choice and pro-reform and sickened by adoption as a business. Be pro-reform but let's also take care of children now, whatever it takes.

  • valry
    Lv 4
    3 years ago

    As Angels has pronounced we are dealing with a foul patch with the anti semitic postings and regrettably too a lot of them are allowed to proceed to be right here rather of being deleted. I fairly consider you that the entire college could have been taken in spite of each and every little thing we are able to work out the place loss of education approximately such activities ends up in. thank you for this question.

  • Flower
    Lv 4
    9 years ago

    In the United States you are in titled to feel any way you want and support any cause you feel is appropriate. But you have to realize that not matter how passionate and understanding you are about a certain topic there are all ways going to be people that are going to disagree with you!

    The best thing you can do is to educate people whom disagree with you explain to them your experiences an your feelings an if they have any kind of soul they would understand where you are coming from !

    I am pregnant and I have been getting allot of negative feedback from friends and families I never knew how bad it would feel until I experienced it myself. I separate myself from those people and live my life free from individuals whom make me feel less then human. An when my child is born an if anyone asks me about adoption I will simply say My child is mine not anyone elses to claim. its extremely rude and suspicious for someone especially a nurse from the maternity ward to ask you about adoption its like where is the safety for pregnant mothers an new mommies out there today? I would have reported her

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  • 9 years ago

    Anti-adoption and pro-reform have different connotations. Anti-adoption obviously suggests that you are against all adoptions, which would be stupid as in cases of abuse or neglect or sometimes becoming an orphan, the child needs a new home. If adoption was abolished they'd just be stuck in the system. Therefore pro-reform is a far better term as it suggests that what you want is an improved adoption system without money, coercion, sealed records etc. I doubt many people are anti-reform, other than those who currently make money from taking babies away from their mothers.

    So basically you're not anti-adoption, you're pro-reform. Which is the norm for most people who know the truth about adoption. And is good.

    However, you don't seem to be an adoptee or a mother who has relinquished her children, and some of your questions may have come across as insensitive/ridiculous/inflammatory to people on here who are, hence why you may have received criticism on your views.

    Source(s): Being an adoptee, and pro-reform NOT anti-adoption.
  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    i've found that anyone who expresses the opinion that infant adoption is not a happy and wonderful thing is met with hostility. the idea that adoption is a good thing is so ingrained in our collective thought processes that it's very hard for people to understand why anyone would be against it. and people don't want to admit that maybe the issue is far more complex than they previously believed. i probably felt like that too, until i started looking at what some of the anti-adoption people had to say.

    it is simply an unpopular opinion. all people who want to reform or abolish established institutions (slavery, segregation, spousal and child abuse and the fight for women's rights, gay rights, abortion rights )have faced the same sort of hostility or even violence. thanks to the internet, people are more able to express their opinions without worrying about getting hurt.

    frankly, it's going to take a lot of hard work to get the message across that altering the identities of newborns and restricting their rights as adults is not ethical, that bringing a child into the world with the specific intent of giving it to strangers is not humane, and that the whole system is deeply flawed and needs to be completely overhauled. but keep expressing your opinion and keep sharing your story. you'll undoubtedly reach a few people along the way like the people here reached me.

  • 9 years ago

    You can feel how you want to feel on this issue. If you want to be "anti-adoption" you don't need anyone's permission or approval.

    I was a teenage parent and I never once was approached by someone wanting to adopt my child. I was however, put under pressure by one of those so-called "all options on the table" Planned Parenthood clinics to have an abortion and it's jaded my entire perception on the organization.

    So, I get what you're saying. I just don't get why you apparently feel the need to seek gratification for it.

  • Ferbs
    Lv 5
    9 years ago

    Adoption doesn't always go the way it's been "presented" to you. I could never think of doing what has been done to you. That isn't adoption related so much as @sshole related. NO ONE has a right to another person's child. NO ONE. I actually kind of like your idea of making a harassment charge or something...to approach a woman for their child. I never thought of that one but I'm all for it.

    I believe in reform too and would gladly stand by you for it. I also believe that in addition to being 18 and getting your OBC...that if an adoptee and their AP's want it earlier, they should be allowed to walk in and get it. After all...as the legal parents...are they not allowed any other information?

    And open adoptions should be a legal, enforceable agreement. It's fraud otherwise and only court-determined safety issues should be the exceptions.

    Anyway, reform is needed and not soon enough. I'm anti-coercion and lies. APs are not just babysitters but we are trusted to raise someone else's child and that's the ultimate trust.

    Children are not "up for grabs" and I find it horrendous that anyone would approach you that way. It's not human.

  • I think "Anti-adoption" is just a label that some people here hang on people in here so they can more easily disregard what they don't want to see. Like most sound bites, it's a sweeping generalisation that oversimplifies and misleads.

    The truth is that many people, myself included, who are aware of the historic and present situation in adoption are opposed to the abuses and hypocrisy in adoption practises.

    I seriously don't think most people here are "anti-adoption", they are anti coercion and anti fraud and anti corruption. I think most people are perfectly well aware that sometimes adoption is necessary, but that it should only be when it's in the best interest and safety of the child concerned, particularly in cases of abuse.

  • 9 years ago

    You say half a dozen people have asked to adopt your children.

    I have never had anyone approach me and seriously ask if they could adopt my child. No one I know has either. I have brought my daughter to the store and had numerous people say "She is so cute, I could eat her up." or "She is so adorable! I wish I could take that brown-eyed angel home with me" or "Can I have her? lol"

    These people are not trying to adopt my baby, they are just complimenting her. Are you sure that is not what is happening in your case? Do you REALLY think these people want to adopt your children? And, if they do, why?

    It is not normal for strangers to repeatedly think that you are interested in surrendering your children.

  • 9 years ago

    I agree with Linda. It doesn't seem like you're anti-adoption, you just believe there should be more regulations.

    I agree it's totally wrong for people to approach you and ask you for your children. That's just totally inappropriate.

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