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Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsSingles & Dating · 10 years ago

Phone locks and personal space?

My live-in b/f and I have issues with privacy, cell phone locks and opennes. I wrote to him about how I feel about his phone lock after he lied to me for 3 months about texting an ex-wife. I found out after pulling phone records. I said that I teach my kids not to date people who seem like they have secrets and that I was about to break up since he keeps on the phone lock.

He wrote back, “But do u teach ur kids to respect other peoples things and not to snoop because its not yours and its very disrespectful of others personal space? To go through things that are not yours is wrong no matter what u feel. Its not yours to get into so don’t. People are deserving of some personal space. It’s disrespectful of other people period! U take that as being secretive, it’s not. Its personal stuff.

Should I allow him his privacy and continue to feel suspicious? Or do I find someone more open especially if they have lied in the past?

3 Answers

  • Ej
    Lv 6
    10 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    He does deserve his personal space, however he shouldn't lie. When we lie, we consciously make this choice knowing we're being secretive. When we're caught, we either produce an excuse, blame the other person, or we take responsibility and apologize. Tell him you wouldn't need to invade his privacy if he wouldn't lie so much and it's a reaction to his secretive behavior. Explain he's lied numerous times and you can't help but question him, especially when you're still catching him. Yes, you're wrong for invading his privacy, but he isn't innocent either.

    I think you need to respect each other, but I do understand where your fears stem from. He lies and you never can trust a liar. If you're together, him contacting his ex-wife should be somewhat communicated with you out of common decency. Lovers shouldn't hold secrets because when they do, they eventually come out and trust begins to dwindle. It's especially critical because trust is the foundation of any given relationship. Furthermore, he's not communicating with you. He's purposely mistaking personal privacy with common decency; yes, he has his own personal space, but any conscious or logical man would comprehend the stress factor involving an ex, especially an ex-wife. It's natural to be worried and saying otherwise is illogical; you may trust him too some degree, but due to his lying problems in the past that dwindled trust isn't your fault, it's his. No one forced him to lie, it was a cognitive decision.

    If I were you, I'd move on. He's determined to keep things from you and it makes you uncomfortable. If he's unwilling to accept your emotions and continues making them worse, then yes, there are millions of men who'd love to be open. There are thousands who'd give you what you deserve, there are hundreds who you could trust, there are dozens whom could make you happy, and one who could give you all of this and so much more; especially fulfilling your dreams. Don't waste time on a man whose quick to blame you for everything and fail to take responsibility.

    Source(s): Ej
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  • 10 years ago

    People who have locks on things are trying to hide things. You shouldn't be ok with that. Him having the lock is suspicious so that gives you reason to think he is doing something wrong. I agree with the personal space thing but I think he is using that as an excuse because he is hiding things. If he didn't have the lock then you probably wouldn't have felt the need to look...

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  • Amy
    Lv 4
    10 years ago

    Don't snoop if you're afraid of what you'll find. You might as well end it because regardless of whether he unlocks his phone or not you will always be suspicious and questioning him. And that isn't healthy for either of you.

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