? asked in Social SciencePsychology · 9 years ago

19 year old not wanting a birthday party?

My 19-year-old son does not want to do anything to celebrate his birthday. He doesn't want to have a party with his friends, not a party with his family, he doesn't even want to go on a mini-vacation.He just wants to be left alone on that day.

What are the possible reasons for such behavior? Is there anything I can do to help him? Any help is much appreciated.

12 Answers

  • Saifai
    Lv 4
    9 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    I distinctly remember being like that myself at that time. He's a teenager. It's his job to angst. He's also going through a lot of changes right now, and figuring out who he is and what he wants. From my own experience, and from watching my family, it's natural to want to step back from traditions once in awhile. Let him angst if he wants to, but don't be afraid to show him you're still thinking about him. Give him his gift, make his favorite dinner, and serve him a special dessert that he loves. Even if he scowls at you, he'll still know that you love him and appreciate him. Don't be afraid to let him know you care. But, also keep in mind he's at an age where he wants space. If it continues afterwards, for weeks and months on end, then maybe get worried and ask him if there's anything he wants to talk about.

  • 9 years ago

    Hah this sounds way too familiar.

    Everyone is making such a big deal out of this.. trust me, it's not needed.

    I turned 20 about 2 weeks ago, and I had the exact same thing. To be honest, I don't know if it's the same case ofcourse, but I wouldn't get all too worried about it. My reason was that the change from being a 'teenager' going to 20 (which suddenly sounds like a lot more)

    was a bit.. hard to deal with. So I didn't celebrate, didn't want to see anyone, etc etc. because I considered the 'getting so old' (haha) part a negative thing and thus by far no reason to celebrate.

    If he has the same issue, then he'll be fine in a little bit. Don't worry about it. Ofcourse it's nice to atleast give him a gift, but you don't have to 'stick with him until you get to the root of it'

    because I'm about 95% sure there's nothing wrong besides

    what I just mentioned and that will pass. Nothing is more annoying than being bothered over and over again when

    nothing's wrong and you just need some time for yourself.

    Hope it helps. ^^

    Congrats btw!

  • 9 years ago

    If he refuses to speak about it, or says nothing is wrong, I would suggest not do anything.. I am 22 and I feel that way too at times... but trust me everybody likes surprises, surprise him with his favorite meal or a present perhaps, that he would appreciate. sometime family gathering,vacations and such could be overwhelming especially in a phase where transition is taking place. If he does not have unusual behavioral or emotional patterns, nothing to worry about...

  • Alissa
    Lv 4
    4 years ago

    He just doesn't want a party. I haven't had a birthday party since I was in 7th grade.

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  • 9 years ago

    Hi Mom,

    As a mother who has raised a few kids and a mental health professional it could be anything. BUT you sound concerned, he may be testing you to see if you respect his wishes as an adult or there could be something that has him so overwhelmed he needs some quiet time and it could be just normal teen hormones. At 19 he is an adult and probing him may not be effective. Do as he asks but let him know you are there if he needs you. Good Luck

    Source(s): a mother who's been there
  • 9 years ago

    I agree with Smooth Liar, I was reading the other answers and feeling decidedly uneasy about leaving this "kid" alone, he's really a bit old for teen-angst, he should be through that by now and in full time work as a productive member of society, not sulking around the house refusing to have a birthday.

    Something's wrong, don't leave him alone, see if having a small get together is acceptable once it's under-way, not like having 30 people over, I mean taking him and yourselves to a place you know he likes, and seeing if he has fun once he's there. If he doesn't, you may need to consider him seeing his doctor to discuss things.

    People are not suppose to sit around on their own refusing to interact. A healthy person, even when sad, will try to fit in and not upset their family. When they start disregarding you in that fashion, it tells me it's moved from "a bit down" to Something Actually Wrong.

  • Adam
    Lv 6
    9 years ago

    I quit having birthday parties when I was 11. I just really hated all of the attention directed right on me.

  • 9 years ago

    he's depressed. you need to go to his school, check if everything is alright there ASAP.

    next check on girl issues or worse drug issues.

    If I were him, I'd like my parents to quit spending money on silly parties ond spend it on something that I would need, like a dirt bike, PS3 or something fun.

    No matter what you do, just don't leave him alone. And don't stop until you get to the root of this, just don't be too intrusive.

    it's just isolation now, later it becomes full on violent behavior, and remember, all those are the symptoms, not the cause.

  • 9 years ago

    Im a teenager, just leave him alone. We hate being around family, its annoying having to say hi to everyone and socialize, just leave him alone, that would make him happy.

  • 9 years ago

    Just leave him alone if he wants to be alone. There's nothing you can do to help him, momface

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