Can my destructive relationship come back to life?
I met my ex at my last job before I left for school. After a few months of working together, we hit it off before I left for school. We got together, and when I left we kept talking non stop everyday, more and more.
We became so close, and fell in complete love, and travelled back and forth across the country to see each other, becoming closer to each other than anyone in each others' lives before.
We both became very needy for the first six months (new experience for me), and she kept upping the relationship professing her forever love for me, etc, etc. We travelled together, spent tons of time, but she wasn't adjusting to her new life well (and I wasn't at school) but we kept things up with our love and connection to each other.
One night (december) while I was at school she had an incident where a minor celebrity kissed her and the wound for me somehow did not heel and I became very insecure. Being long distance after this was hard and I was thinking about breaking up with her for 2 months (jan - feb)
I was very hard on her and it caused some tension. I semi-begrudged her, but we still shared everything together and visited each other frequently. But I kept being slighted at everything she was doing.
At the end of the school year, we would be together for the summer and in the same place for the next year as well (she was moving to be with me where I would study the next academic year). So we tried to make it that far because we loved each other so much. But I had become insecureand looked for things wrong with her (especially after she was talking marrying me and kids with me).
Then we started having breakups that lasted a day/or a couple days. Mainly her breaking up with me after a certain point. I was in intense school and sick, and well....
Then one day I snapped and said mean things to her via text message and she stopped speaking to me for 4 days and I couldn't get a hold of her. We had some tension building between us.
But she said strong things about never being with me but started to talk to me more and more and gradually over 2 weeks things restored to normal and we saw each other again. Just as good as always, However, I felt like I
was walking on eggshells at that point, but things started going really great again. However, she became extremely sensitive as well to anything I would do and I was already super sensitive to each her. It was very stressful on both of us.
But we kept having great times together/ talks together / visits etc...... until one night she got super drunk and I got nervous about our relationship I was also sick at the time and had been fighting off some fungus in my body for almost 2 years. I started to picture her as having a different identity with her friends than with me, almost as if I was on the backburner. My emotions were going out of control but I was desperately holding on to her.
She also had great stress in her life and did not handle it well. Then when she cancelled on some things to do with me, I got in a bad mood, (i would snap into a bad mood and like shut down) and we started to not be able
to sleep well without each other or really fully function without the other person giving re-assurances.
It would cause us both to be stressed around the other person at the drop of a hat and even semi have panic attacks. Then she started to paint me as the crazy one, as if something was wrong with me, and of course this makes things worse.
So she broke up with me again, and I get my head on straight immediately like (WTF was all that BS! that's not what life is about.) and we vowed to make changes to do things right and like a normal relationship. Basically I get painted as the crazy one, who needs to changce, but low and beold So 3-4 weeks go on great, and she starts to get super intense into things again (not slow as we planned) and I go to meet her family, as her future husband in her head. In the car ride up I sense she is trying to bring me down a bit, because in her mind "i broke her heart" with the other major fights I caused. Anyway, we respond to stress in the same way. I think I felt as if, one slip up and I am done, and her that I would lose my cool on her at anytime. I also felt it was inevitable she would get drunk and mess up again. She is a bit insecure and over-emotional under a hard exterior, and only I know about it, and it made me insecure....
Well the night at her parents out we go out with her friends and I get too drunk (heightened by my intestinal illness) and I get into a bad mood- like I see her sloppy and drunk and someone brings up the celebrity she had kissed. I was
near blacked out and asked a friend who was there for that event if it was a kiss or a makeout and the friend would not answer. My ex gf had told me he kissed her and she pushed him away, but I had reasons to suggest otherwise. The way that thing