Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsOther - Family & Relationships · 1 decade ago

How can i stop feeling bad about this break up?

My ex broke up w. me about 3 months ago. He worked sooo hard to pursue me; genuinely cared was even more serious about it than me. I was happy being alone but ultimately decided he was worth being with and he had potential and within a span of 2-3 months, he just "didn't feel like having a girlfriend anymore". It was a good relationship; we had the quality of a serious relationship in that short time- met his family, brought me to a wedding, was close w. his good friends, dealt w. money issues, just very comfortable w. each other...when we first met (not dating, talking, etc...), he had told all his friends he had "met someone special". Right now he wants to be "selfish", no 3rd party, and "it wasn't the right time, not ready".

We didn't have a bad breakup but I cut off everything and just ran away...haven't spoken to him since. He sent me a few txts reitirating our convo fr. the next before (apologizing) but i never responded back. Mutual friends say he was just too "immature" for me (also insecure/scared). His friends have also been more than nice to me (still) and are very empathetic and still tell me what their friend did was "shady" and it was "his loss for sure". He (and his close friends & family) would say i was "everything he wanted in a girl" yet when we broke up he said he wasn't ready for the kind of relationship i was giving him...which is weird bc i'm a commitment phone. For me to be in a relationship w. him is HUGE. I was taking our time and not rushing into anything serious, nor want to get married or have kids anytime soon. Someone said that "immature guys", like the idea of someone - first impression mode and it makes them think they want/need a girlfriend bc they like that person so much but when they realize how much stronger the girl is (secure, independent, has her priorities in order), he feels insecure bc immature guys subconsciously want to run/control the relationship. Apparently my "desire for not rushing quickly" made him lose control. I was the girl completely different from his exes. They were clingy, dramatic, with nothing going for them. I'm like being busy w. my schedule, easygoing but was only a b*tch when i needed to be, and am focused in my career but still give him my love and attention. It sucks bc he wanted someone like me but was so "used" to all these bad relationships, it's like he wanted me to be those girls...I'm not nor will I ever be. He said he was "happy" in the beginning and then one day, wasn't and in a way, I feel responsible for it. I didn't do anything wrong but hearing that I didn't make him happy, hurt me.

I don't want to be pessimistic but i'm starting to feel all guys are the same and they will never appreciate a good woman...it's discouraging...I know it'll happen one day but i can't help but feel there will be no one that will really care/appreciate me...they'll do what my ex did and was soo "into me" in the beginning and just abandon me and realized he didn't really care for me as much... people say i'm "pretty and sweet" so there's no prob in me finding a guy but I don't know...i'm a bit scared i won't experience love bc of someone like my ex (aka "i'm soo into you then BOOM, sorry, i can't.") Encouraging words and thoughts on the guy? :( will someone better come along one day?

Update:

THANKS milly :) yes, i definitely agree. I haven't had many "boyfriends" in my life bc i'm particular about who's "special" to me...which is very rare

4 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Hey I read your whole story. This happened to my best friend once. and she was sad and all that. I will tell you the same thing I told her then "Good thing it happened so early" instead of this happening after you had married him and had a child. So please me thankful to god that his true color came infront of you before it is too late.

    And you know what. My best friend found a guy after her hurtful relationship and she has been with his guy for 3 years now and she is very happy. They are thinking of getting married too. So to answer your question. YES, there is someone much better, loving and caring out there for you. And you will find that someone and be happy with him.

    Just think about it as an experience and move on with your life. Focus more on your career along the way you will find your true love. Please don't hate all guys because of one idiot. They are wonderful guys out there just like there is a wonderful girl like you in this world. Now, don't be sad and stop thinking about it. I gave you this advice in the same way I would to my best friend. You will be ABSOLUTELY FINE!

    @jenny's comment, I found it very absurd. Because the question did not mention anything about sleep with her bf. So why did you assume something she didn't say anything about.

    And to the person that asked the question.I think if you r in a relationship later on and this old bf comes back to you, i don't think you should let him back into your life only because if he could do this to you know then he may do it again. So I think you should not. And just take one step at a time. And NO you don't have to be with BUNCH of guys like jenny mentioned just to get experience. Be with a guy ONLY if you truely like them.

  • 1 decade ago

    Can't help you if you don't include your ages. I don't know if I'm giving advice to a teenager or an adult.

    I will say this...you sure do seem like you love to boast about what a wonderful and unique person you are compared to people you've never met (all of his ex's) for example. Maybe that was the reason he decided you weren't the one. Maybe you're a little TOO sure of yourself? Lots of men love independent females. It's conceit that turns them off.

  • 1 decade ago

    alright lady, take a deep breath. i've shared the exact experience. you are a beautiful woman and someone will have you one day. all guys feel the same way and will never appreciate a good woman. you need to be aware what men want. men want a woman they can walk away from that will still be there when they come back. you know that old saying if you love someone let them go, if they come back it was meant to be? well this is for you, now hes gone, you need to let him back in. if you guys have sex with each other again, things will get better. and you cant be mad if he decides he wants to have sex with or fall in love with anyone else. just take it with a grain of salt. know that he cannot really love anyone deeper than he loved you, and that one day he will come back to you.

    if he comes back to you and wants to get with you, even tho your with someone else, or he is, you should get with him. guys like a girl who knows what she wants. and it seems like if you chase a man, like a puppy he will run away.

    you should try to get with a bunch of different guys before you get back with him. you will feel empowered and be able to know your way around the bedroom a little more, which honestly seems like it was your problem.

    good luck

    pax y amor

    Source(s): billcosbyfatherhood
  • 4 years ago

    It sucks dude, I do not believe you do ever recover from a man or woman you simply recover from the harm which will take months can take years.. I believe something so they can aid is quit any medicinal drugs aside from nights out in town, you will have to get hammer'd... have songs on ur Ipod that remind you of her and pay attention to them as soon as a month to examine your growth to earlier months I have in no way preferred men and women who pass from a million man or woman to the following, in view that they in no way be taught whatever approximately themselves, while you're at a level wherein you're secure with who you're, thats while you are competent to transport directly to the following lady.. Try to not believe approximately her, watch films, opt for runs, first week handiest pay attention to detrimental songs approximately her, then start the system of forgetting her, have a rule that you will not believe approximately her and matters she mentioned, ONLY believe approximately the matters YOU did while along with her and matters YOU mentioned, it is known as LEARNING and you'll handiest difference your self, you cannot difference others and that sucks...

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