Redrum
Lv 5
Redrum asked in Arts & HumanitiesBooks & Authors · 1 decade ago

my story. what do you think?

I first got the whole idea from year 12’s destination formal. Year 10 had never had a formal so I wanted to have the first year 10 formal. Upon being the passenger of my parent’s car, picking up my sister, I saw the venue, lights dancing off the car. Slowly a door opened and inside was these dresses and suits all dancing and jumping. Music pounded though the windows of the car. Inside the car was cold leather with a parent with a tired expression. I insisted on coming, I wanted get away from homework. Once she came in, the car drove off into the night.

I was the one who didn’t volunteer for anything at all. They usually ended up in stressful situations and mess. The day I stood up in front of assembly was the day I made the biggest mistake of my life. Standing there like someone with stage fright. I stammered to a teacher to make an announcement to the year 10 homeroom assembly. “I am making a prom committee.” I manage to say each sentence in each breath “I am going to ask some people to meet me in the T11 room at lunch for the meeting”. I look around, Everyone is either fiddling with someone’s plait, half asleep or whispering to someone. I step down the stage and retreat to the crowd of blank faces.

Once at lunch I stand at the door. Most of my friends say that they don’t want to join. I don’t care; I can .make this work I thought. Eventually 20 minutes pass and I am just about to leave, 18 people arrive. I know them all but I don’t talk to them. I beckon them inside and introduce myself and my idea. “I think we should formulate a plan to make a formal, we need a way to collect money and find a venue” I look around the crowd of people. They instantly start talking. I realize I was standing on a chair because the room was so small; everyone was sitting on each other. I say loudly “What should we do?” Eventually about seven people leave, saying they didn’t want to stay anymore because of the stress it would cause. Much like I used to be. Bella stands up and remarks “someone should be in charge of the venue, income, and entertainment” the 11 people remaining shoot up their hands for each job. I was the person that made sure everything was ok. I invited them to my house to start planning.

Once that weekend came around I had managed to persuade my mother to use the spare empty room. I cleared away the dust, shoved in a table and chairs, put paper on the table with pens. I moved the phone that used to be in my room into the room. I placed my laptop at the end of the table. Six arrived. The others never came back or said anything. Luckily from here onwards the number stayed six, including me, for a long while. Bella, Katie, Chloe, Talia, Nicole and me.

At the spare room, Chloe put up a banner on the door “Committee” in blue letters. We printed out venues stuck them on the wall and calculated the ticket price for each venue. The $ sign on the keyboard was faded out from the multiple times it was pressed. We then came up to this venue that had everything from guards, food, music, the lot. We went crazy over this and wrote the company number over the cluster of papers on the walls. The unique thing was it was on a ship. On the spot we booked the place. We just needed cash to confirm.

At homeroom, Monday, us six stood up and said our proposal. We thought 90$ was cheap for a ticket. That was proven wrong when everyone gasped and booed. Everyone started talking. We said it was the cheapest we could find. Someone from the audience shouted “That’s a rip off!” then there was silence. Chloe came up to me and whispered rather into the microphone than me “This is too hard. Everyone’s way too stingy” With that she walked down the steps slowly, like a ceremonial ritual, she sat down with her friends and mouthed “I’m out” for a few minutes everyone was staring at us. We were gawping.

Back at the spare room, we had already started baking cakes to sell in an attempt to lower the price. We tried to convince other people to try raising money but they wouldn’t do anything at all. Bella and Katie where phasing themselves out, attempting to forget to come to the meeting every 3rd week. Eventually we decided to visit the cruise itself.

Elegant, huge, fun, close by, I couldn’t come up with any downsides. Why was everyone so stingy? Why didn’t anyone want to help? Why was everyone so negative? No one wanted to buy the tickets. No one wanted to help us. It was all becoming a heavy weight. I even asked around if people would host the party at their own house. I even offered to do as much cleaning as possible and even offered to cook some food! Why was everyone so stingy and so negative!

3 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    The story is very quick. I like your descriptions though.

    In the sentence, “I think we should formulate a plan to make a formal (dance), we need a way…” I think you forgot to put dance in there.

    The $ sign on the keyboard was faded out from the multiple times it was pressed. I really like that sentence. It makes the reader feel like they are there, but the $ should be spelt out. Dollar.

    Is this a true story? If it is fiction I like it, but I wish I knew where it was going.

  • 4 years ago

    properly, for my maximum modern tale, i grow to be inspired by ability of television. usually television evokes me anyhow. yet this one is diverse. i grow to be observing Terra Nova on television, and inspite of the certainty that it wasn't that great of a instruct, I nonetheless observed the flexibility in it. and then i desperate that writing a singular with dinosaurs would be so cool, and something so unlike something i've got ever completed in the previous. So then I embarked on all this making plans with those form of diverse characters, and it grow to be going to ensue interior the jungle with dinosaurs. Then I persevered the making plans technique and rewrote outlines. Then i all started, and wrote a poor beginning up i finished up scrapping. And now i've got have been given the assumption down. And the humorous element is, dinosaurs are not even a factor of it anymore. So the element that particularly inspired this novel, does not even exist interior the radical anymore. It does nonetheless, besides the indisputable fact that, ensue interior the jungle, however the assumption is very nearly thoroughly diverse from the unique inspired thought.

  • 1 decade ago

    I like your story. I am writing a book called Princess & Floppy Ears and so far, it is quite good.

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