why are the jehovah's witnesses threatening to take the privileges of baptized members away?

this is kind a continuation of my last question. my grandparents and other family members elders are telling them if they come to my wedding where there will be a disfellowshiped person and the sit in the same room for the reception they will loose there privileges! i always thought the was a conscionable matter so i am not a baptized member so i saw nothing wrong with having my best friend who is disfellowshiped as a brides maid. are the elders wrong in holding this over my familys head?


ok so if she is not in the wedding party she will still be in the same room for the reception. i have explained to both of the parties that they will have no contact with each other even to the extent of putting them on other sides of the room. it says nowhere in the bible they cannot be in the same room. am i wrong? the ceremony will be public so anyone can attend. are there rules about that too?

Update 2:

this is a very real heart wrenching story. i have kept the name of my grandparents hall out of the story for privacy. but if you have doubts about my story please email me. because i am looking for real answers. i have contacted a few halls in my area with still no answer....

20 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Honey, that's messed up. The elders aren't some grand panel of judges who can dictate to your grandparents what they can and can't do!

    Disfellowshipped ones are to be ignored and not acknowledged by an JWs, there's NOTHING to say they can't be in the same area or attend a wedding with the JWs! What a load of bull, I would tell those old men to sod right off.

    ..ignore all the JWs on here getting all frustrated and wound up accusing you of lying, they do that to anyone who makes them look bad, they deserve our pity!!!!!!!!!

    Source(s): grew up JW then saw the light
  • 1 decade ago

    1 Corinthians 5:9 tells Christians to not even eat with such a person. Therefore intentionally going to a party where you will be sharing in celebration with such a person would not be a conscience matter. It is not a gray area. It is right there in black and white that we shouldn't do that. If they had showed up and later found out that she was there, that would be a gray area as to whether or not they should leave. Making plans to do so is not.

    It doesn't sound like the elders in your grandparent's congregation are saying they are going to remove them from the congregation. They are saying that if they are going to blatantly disregard Biblical direction for Christians would mean that they were not exemplary, which you need to be in order to have privileges in the congregation. They will still be able to comment, participate in the school, and most importantly preach. Basically, your grandfather would not be able to help with the meetings.

    BTW, the elders are making your grandparents choose between their loyalty to Jehovah and to you. You are putting them in a difficult situation.

  • X
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    Are you one of Jehovah's Witnesses? If not, do you understand what it means to be disfellowshipped? Such an individual is not to be socialized or communicated with, per the Bible's instructions. Their being disfellowshipped is a form of discipline from Jehovah.

    Jehovah's Witnesses aren't permitted from being in the same physical location as people who may be disfellowshipped. Sometimes for family functions it a necessary thing. But it's one thing to invite a disfellowshipped person to the wedding, and another to have them as part of the wedding party.

    It would not at all be appropriate for you to have a disfellowshipped individual as part of your wedding party, and if your Jehovah's Witness family was there in attendance, it would be tantamount to giving their approval to your decision to include that person. They would not be displaying loyalty to God and to God's disfellowshipping arrangement.

    - This isn't a heartwrenching story at all, it's completely fabricated from one of Sonny Daye's multiple accounts.

    - I also wonder why people like "I Slept With Elvis" are oh so quick to believe the stories from these individuals. You've never heard of people telling.....gasp......lies?

    *** Unsilenced was never disfellowshipped. You can't be disfellowshipped if you were never a Witness and have never been connected to Witnesses.

  • 1 decade ago

    Without knowing the circumstances, I would say that this sounds uncharacteristic for a body of elders to give an ultimatum like this. My disfellowshiped sister was at the dinners for the funerals of both our grandmother and our mother, and the entire congregation was there. The elders were very kind to her, and when her own husband died just over a year ago, they were there for her again. It probably has more to do with the disfellowshiped girl being part of the wedding party. It also may have to do with what relationship she has with your grandparents. My sister did not plan the event, or take an active part in it's execution, she was just there. You do not say where your wedding would be held, either. If it is a church, that would be something else for your JW family members to consider. In the end, it's up to your family what they will do, no one is forcing them to do anything. It's still their choice, but as with every choice in life, there is fallout, for good or bad. Don't judge them too harshly, if they decide that their conscience will not permit them to have such close association with someone who has rejected Jehovah. You must understand-to faithful Witnesses, our religion is more than what building we attend for worship. It's our entire life. Everything else revolves around our relationship to God. It's not for everyone, but for those who have made that choice, they know what that entails. We know, when we become witnesses that we will lose family members. Jesus told us that we would. He said that the truth he was bringing would cause division in families, because the zeal for truth wouldn't be present in everyone, and choices would have to be made. The choice to have a disfellowshiped best friend be your bridesmaid was your choice, even though she had done something not approved by Jehovah, and was perhaps a choice you could have thought about a little longer. If you are associated with witnesses, but not baptized, you should know that the disfellowshiping process is not easy for anyone. It's hard on the person who has committed an offense against Jehovah, but it's just as hard for the elders who have to come to that conclusion, and for the family and friends who must decide if their relationship with a human is more important than their relationship with God. They must wait on Jehovah, and hope that the person will correct their conduct. If they don't, then there isn't much that they have in common with the person any longer, because as I mentioned before, we live our faith, not just attend 'church'. My sister was disfellowshiped for smoking, years ago, and her choice to continue to smoke was just her first step away from God. From there, she began living with a man she was not married to, then drinking and partying with him. She got into speed, getting tattoos, celebrating holidays, etc. In short, she became the sort of person that I would not chose as a friend, even though I still love her as my sister. We aren't attracted to the same things, and our thought process is opposite. I'm not someone she would choose to 'hang around' with, either. I am too 'straight' for her. My point is-SHE is the one who pulled away, not me. I simply reacted. She knew when she was baptized that smoking and partying would separate her from the family who did not choose to live the way she did. Your friend knew, too.

    Think of Jehovah's witnesses as you would a covenanted community. Anyone is free to purchase a home there, but when they do, they agree not to do certain things that are detrimental to the community. They agree not to pain their house purple, or have broken down cars littering their yard. They agree not to have more than two pets, or not to have pink flamingos on their front yard.

    Some people LOVE purple houses, and pink flamingos, and that's their right-BUT-those people should not expect the community to change to suit them, they should just buy a house where there are no such rules.

    I, personally, think that the benefits of our 'covenanted community' far outweigh the benefits of living somewhere else. Maybe your family members do, too.

    Source(s): Now, in your OTHER question, you say that it's your grandparents, and nothing about the elders that is the issue. Your grandparents have evidently decided on their OWN what would be right for them and what would not. Respect their right to decide. Your other question says nothing about them being threatened by anyone. This makes this question a little bit dishonest, doesn't it? You're trying to blame the elders for something your grandparents have decided. As I said at the very first, this does NOT sound like something a body of elders would do. Your family had made their choice, based on their biblically trained conscience. Respect that.
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  • 1 decade ago

    I'd go to a wedding if I consciously chose to, I would not participate in any way in any religious ritual and ceremony given. But marriage is honoured by God and if it is legal then it is approved. I may not associate with the worldly people attending to it's full and politely not associate with disfellowshipped ones in the room. They would understand.

    But if it wanted to go because it would be for the sole reason that I had happiness that a loved relative of mine was getting married. My congregation wouldn't have any objection as long as I did nothing to bring disrepute to Jehovah's holy name I carry.

    The problem with the reliability of your story is.... it don't sound real but rather contrived for debate and any elder would come to the same reasoning conclusions I have. And I don't think your emailing me will change that fact.

  • 1 decade ago

    I'm with Smiling JW. I've just recently gone to a non-witness wedding and didn't have a problem with it. Of course I didn't participate in the ceremony but still attended! There were no disfellowshiped individuals there, however if there were any I would just have not interacted with them, it's that simple!

  • Mindy
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    What does the truth matter to you, are you even really searching for THE answer sweetie?

    You have ALREADY received more than enough numerous scriptural explanations from Jehovah's Witnesses themselves regarding this.

    Ya ever stop to really think that by asking your "question" you are perhaps simply looking for someone and or many people who will tell you whatever your itching ears want to hear, as is brought out at 2 Timothy 4:3?

    "For a time is coming when people will no longer listen to sound and wholesome teaching. They will follow their own desires and will look for teachers who will tell them whatever their itching ears want to hear."

    ~ 2 Timothy 4:3 (New Living Translation)


    A person who is really seeking to know the truth about God is not going to search the Bible hoping to find a text that he can construe as fitting what he already believes. He wants to know what God’s Word itself says. He may find some texts that he feels can be read in more than one way, but when these are compared with other Biblical statements on the same subject their meaning will become clear.

    Keep in mind that the churches of CHRISTENDOM do not adhere to the Scriptural foundation of Disfellowshipment as clearly taught in the Bible at the 5th chapter of 1 Corinthians and founded by Jesus Christ himself at Matthew 18:15-17.

    Christendom's blatant refusal to adhere to the Bible's COMMAND regarding Disfellowshipment is one of the MAIN reasons as to why it's churches are FILLED to the brim with people who are allowed to remain as MEMBERS and or CLERGY, even though they make a practice of the things mentioned at 1 Corinthians 6:9, 10 which according to the Word of God will keep those who practice them from inheriting God's Kingdom.

    Likewise, Ephesians 5:3-7 states... and I quote:

    "Let fornication and uncleanness of every sort or greediness not even be mentioned among YOU, just as it befits holy people; 4 neither shameful conduct nor foolish talking nor obscene jesting, things which are not becoming, but rather the giving of thanks. 5 For YOU know this, recognizing it for yourselves, that no fornicator or unclean person or greedy person—which means being an idolater—has any inheritance in the kingdom of the Christ and of God.

    6 Let no man deceive YOU with empty words, for because of the aforesaid things the wrath of God is coming upon the sons of disobedience. 7 Therefore DO NOT BECOME PARTAKERS WITH THEM"

    No true Christian in their right spiritual mind would DARE choose to attend a wedding KNOWING that one of the actual WEDDING PARTY MEMBERS was a DISFELLOWSHIPPED person and thus become a PARTAKER with the DISFELLOWSHIPPED person in the spiritual event (as marriage IS a spiritual event).

    The DISFELLOWSHIPPED person being an actual PART of the wedding party as opposed to simply being a member in attendance at a public event is a HUGE difference hun. It totally would be a matter of conscience for a true Christian to attend a sacred wedding wherein a DISFELLOWSHIPPED person was going to also be in attendance.

    However, it becomes a matter of LOYALTY to Almighty Jehovah God or LOYALTY to imperfect man for a true Christian to attend a sacred wedding event wherein a DISFELLOWSHIPPED person is an actual PART of the wedding party itself (in your case, YOU have made the DISFELLOWSHIPPED person your bridesmaid).

    My advice is for you either to remove the DISFELLOWSHIPPED person as PART of the wedding party... OR... simply respect the scriptural FACT that loyal members of the worldwide Christian congregation of Jehovah's Witnesses are not and will not be comfortable in attending a marriage celebration wherein a DISFELLOWSHIPPED person is an actual PART of the wedding party itself.

    Regardless, you're going to do what "feels" and or "seems" right according to your heart anyway.


    {Proverbs 28:26 (American Standard Version)}


  • 1 decade ago

    elders can't just act like they are judge and jury

    that is why there are several elders on a judicial committee

    and i highly doubt that 10-12 elders said any of this

    b/c they have a handbook

    and b/c it just sounds wrong

    ELVIS- that is why several JWs have jumped on this

    not b/c its critical of the faith, but b/c it sounds fake

    no one can tell you if you should or shouldn't attend a wedding- that even goes beyond elder jurisdiction

    Source(s): my own reasoning
  • A newbie account in which the only two questions asked are criticizing JW's...

    I agree with Smiling JW.... this story doesn't ring true

    (probably a Sonny Daye multiple account as a previous answerer stated)

  • 1 decade ago

    1 Corin 5:11

    But now I am writing YOU to quit mixing in company with anyone called a brother that is a fornicator or a greedy person or an idolater or a reviler or a drunkard or an extortioner, not even eating with such a man

    Edit i see bar_enosh beat me to it :-)

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