Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsOther - Family & Relationships · 1 decade ago

My fiance is looking at porn and younger(20s or so) nude women?

I found out that my fiance been looking at porn and younger nude women(online). I knew he was doing this before we met( we have been together a little over a year) but I didn't think he was still doing this until yesterday when I found photos of nude younger women on his computer. I feel kind of hurt or maybe there is something wrong with me and I'm not good enough for him. Maybe I'm not satisfying him sexually or maybe I just don't look so good. We are both in our 40s(I'm 42 and he is 45). I'm not overweight at(5 foot 5in and about 115 pounds) all and I have always stayed in shape but know I'm beginning to feel there's a problem with me. I'm not very big (34B) so I was thinking maybe Breast Augmentation might help. There are just so many things I just don't understand and now I think its me. I've tried talking to him but he just tells me that he thinks I look just fine to him the way I am. I love him so very much and to me I think he looks perfect. I'm obviously hurt and I really have no idea what to do about it. Also in the past I have talked to him about doing this together along with other things to add some extra spice to our life but he doesn't seem to want to with me. Any advice? Thanks

Update:

ALSO~I was not snooping through his computer. We were looking at some old photos together when I accadently ran across them. At first he told me he didnt put them there. Sorry I should have said this part

Update 2:

Please, I don't think I'm a moron just because I dont understand. I love him thats why I want to please him.

9 Answers

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  • ?
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Well, before I address your question about breast augmentation, I want to address the much bigger issue of your fiance's porn.

    To give you a little background on myself, I am a mid-30's male and I used to struggle with internet porn. Two years ago, I was involved in a long term relationship with a women and we were considering marriage. She came across the porn I had looked at by viewing the web address bar. She ended our relationship right then and there and never gave me a second chance. You may say that was harsh, but she actually did me a big favor. It made me deal with the seriousness of pornography. The problem with porn is that it becomes addictive. It can get to the point where it affects a man's sex drive completely. Part of the reason my ex dumped me so fast because of porn was because she had been in a relationship like that before. She was with a guy who couldn't even "get it up" without porn or without her doing all sorts of degrading things that made her uncomfortable. She couldn't risk going through that again.

    If your fiance is looking at porn, it will eventually ruin your sex life. Please don't think you're some exception to that rule. I don't doubt that he loves you. But for men, love and sex can be two distinct compartments in their life. He needs to stop this though. By the way, he was lying when he said he didn't put the pictures there. He didn't mean to be malicious, but he panicked. I did the same thing when my ex found the porn sites. I panicked and blamed my roommate.

    With regards to breast augmentation, it's really your call. Since you're in your 40's it may improve your figure, but it won't make the porn go away. Just know that. If you want to do it for you, go ahead. But if you're thinking it will solve this problem, it won't. Best of luck.

  • 5 years ago

    2

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  • 1 decade ago

    It's okay to feel that you're not "sexy" enough, or just not good enough in general, being that you just found this out. I feel the same way sometimes, even when I know it's going on. The best advice I can give to you is this,

    He's with you for a reason: he loves you.

    He's not in a relationship with those women, nor will he ever pursue a relationship with them or care about them. They're just porn stars; photoshopped pornstars. You're engaged to this man, so he obviously loves you for who you are, plus he has told you so. And I'm sure he wouldn't want you to change just because of a picture you found.

    If you want to get a boob job, that's fine. But only do it if you're completely comfortable with it, and it's something you want for yourself, not anyone else.

  • 1 decade ago

    For some guys they could have sex five times a day and still look at porn.Others

    will only look at porn when they are not getting any.His looking at porn has nothing

    to do with the way you look.He is looking at it to get off when your not there,but

    doesn't need it when you are,that should tell you something.If it bothers you that

    much you should talk and tell how bad it affects you.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Think about it this way - he might think they look good, but he really doesn't care about them. He's not in love with them (in fact, he's being pretty degrading towards them); he's in love with YOU. Unless he's absolutely retarded, he's never going to leave you for some naked girls who have no morality and decency.

    If it makes you feel hurt, talk to him about it; if he really cares about you, he'll stop. And don't get breast augmentation, it shouldn't be necessary to change yourself that drastically for someone who loves you for the way you are.

  • 1 decade ago

    All men look at porn, if I was married to a supermodel I would still still look at porn. Don't worry I'm shure your fine.

  • kiko
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    MAYBE HE DOESN'T LIKE YOU ANYMORE BECAUSE I THINK THAT IF MY PARTNER WOULD HAVE ASKED ME i WOULD HAVE SAID OKAY LETS DO IT. BUT AT THE SAME TIME HE PROBABLY DOESN'T WANT TO DO THE THINGS THEY DO ON THE PORN SITES TO YOU. FOR EXAMPLE HE MIGHT NOT WAN'T TO *** ON YOUR FACE. BECAUSE SOME MEN FEELL THAT IT'S SOMETHING THEY DON'T DO THE MOTHER OF THEIR CHILDREN. BUT IF HE HAS COME ON YOUR FACE OR HAS DONE ANYTHING THAT HE WATCHES ON HIS PORN SITES THEN IT MEANS THAT THE SPICE IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP ISN'T THERE ANYMORE

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    If you want to get a boob job fine but this is your reasoning? Because your boyfriend looks at porn?? you sound like a moron. why do women worry so much about pleasing their man and not about their own happiness?? he really doesnt sound like a prize sweety, dump him! get some self respect. and stop going through his computer files stalker.

  • 1 decade ago

    Think about this. You already have a nice car and what is wrong if you look at other cars?

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