is this correct use of direct speech? for english.?
were doing a bridge to wisemans cove direct speech thing, can you please read it and help me make changes/improve and tell me if im doing anything wrong? thankyou in advance.
Quickening his pace he ran tiptoed towards his safe haven. Behind him the kitchen light switched on.
“Well, stupid boy, were the bloody hell have you been?” her words were menacing but somehow she managed to hold a pleasant tone to her voice.
“nowhere” he resumed walking down the hall.
“Oi, get in here” demanded Beryl
Not fully knowing why, he replied in attitude. “ya know what, I don’t think I will”
“Come here, Harley!” boomed Beryl, similar to what a person might sound like if scolding their dog. All the ********* drained from Harley in that moment, only his face stayed hard, he didn’t know what was coming, but he would never give beryl the satisfaction of seeing him cry. Ever. He entered the kitchen.
Harley sighed, a slight smile on his lips. “ok, what do ya-” the look on her face silenced him. Beryl stood near the cupboard, arms folded, legs parted with an expression that would burn someone’s soul. Slowly, she lifted her finger, telling Harley to wait whilst she slowly strolled over to the kitchen stove and turned on the gas, Harley freaked it but relaxed when he saw her pulling out a cigarette pack from her bra cup, took one out, put it near the flames and lit a fresh one. Her eyes never left Harley’s, she was clearly enjoying this.
“I asked you, Harley, were have you been?”
“I was at the bon fire”
“The bon fire?”
Adrenaline started to kick in “Y-yeah, the one on the beach… the one for new years eve”
“Oh I see!” cooed Beryl, obviously agitated.
She took a long drag of her cigarette, blowing the smoke in Harleys direction, he coughed.
“Don’t like smoke, do ya Harley”
He cast his eyes down to the floor, focusing on a stain nobody had bothered to clean, his previous mood forgotten, now replaced with fear of the un-predictable.
“Is it because your daddy smoked?”
Harley said nothing.
“Your daddy was a down right prick.”
Harley said nothing.
“All he did was have a crack with ya mother, then leave you, nobody wanted you in the first place” She spoke these words without emotion, without expression, as if it was a mere fact.
Silently. Harley Snapped
“take it back” he mumbled through clenched teeth, fists balled at his sides.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you”
“take it back”
Beryl put on a painfully fake attempt of looking shocked. “oh dear me did I offend you?”
“take. It. Back. You. Stupid. *****. Take it back!” he spoke each word individually gradually building in speed and aggression towards the end until he was practically shrieking.
This was exactly what beryl was waiting for.
It happened in half a second, quick like a cobra Beryl slapped Harley across the cheek with such force it coursed him to stager backwards, lost in confusion and unable to comprehend what happened beryl struck him again, this time using the back of her hand on his left cheek. Staggering backwards once more his ankle caught his foot, he fell flat onto his back into the hallway.
- Will HLv 79 years agoFavorite Answer
Commas with Direct Speech
"My goodness, what a beautiful day!" remarked Sally.
"I agree," said Leonard, "It's remarkable."