Ok, I have a serious question. You can stop gasping in shock now. We moved across the country?

a few years ago,leaving behind all our family. I LOVE where I am at and its a better place to raise the kids. I HATE where I am from. In two years there will be an opportunity to go back. I told my husband I want to go. I hate our life, we have no family and holidays especially are lonely. I was very close my my family and seeing them is very rare because its so costly. My mom is getting sick and my dad is not getting younger and I want the kids to grow knowing their family, grandparents, cousins,etc. I miss having that so desperately to the point Ive become very depressed. I even cried doing yoga during meditation, I couldn't keep it back. My husband said, when that plant is open we will go.

I know he doesn't want to. He isn't even close to his family but he understands how Im feeling and says he will go and adjust but Ill stay here and stay so sad.

This may be a better place to raise a family, but IMO living with all the family is best overall.

I feel guilty for doing this, knowing he really doesn't want to raise the kids there, even though he is being awesome, I know and I also know we cant just come back.

Like I said, I want to be with them desperately but hate the place, people, weather, GRrr.

Im not sure what Im asking but I want input.


I love the state Im in itself but we dont have much of a life here. It really does make sense.

13 Answers

  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    9 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    My husband and I moved back from London to Ireland when our son was a baby for pretty much the same family reasons you did, although I consider it much easier raising kids here. From my perspective though, job opportunities are much less, the weather sucks big time and I am back among the narrow-minded people I couldnt wait to escape 20+ years ago.

    On balance though, it has been a positive move. My children see all their family regularly, my parents who are now elderly are close by and I have rekindled friendships with a couple of people I went to college with who arent too far away, as well as being able to find some like-minded people whose kids go to school with mine.

    Try not to be negative about it and think about it in terms of overall quality of life for all your family, which is presumably what your husband is doing in agreeing to the move.

    ADD I have to ask why dont you have much of a life where you are? Through your childrens school and work you must meet people. Since we moved back, we have both become active in community work, which has not only widened our social circle, but given us work opportunities. YOU have to put yourself out there to make friends, get outside your comfort zone. By moving back home, arent you accepting that you failed to create a life for yourselves independently in a way?

    Are you SURE that location is truly the source of your depression? Its normal when we feel low to want the security and comfort of our family, but if you are so low that you cry, there's more to it than that. There's a good chance that you will incur the upheaval and expense of moving home, only to find that your depression has tagged along for the journey. Depression comes from within - you cant run away from it, you have to face it head on.

  • 9 years ago

    There is a simple mental device you can use which should make you feel a whole lot better about doing this. Reverse the roles. If your husband was miserable and missing his family and feeling bad his children didn't have a relationship with their aging grandparents, would you do it for him? Would you leave your nice environment, take the kids and move back for him? Would you learn how to live in your new home, set the kids up at school, and have lots of interactions with his family. Would you do it for him?

    A lot of times women especially feel guilty when their husbands make some sort of sacrifice for them. That's a part of marriage though. If' he's OK with this, and you really, really believe it's a good thing to do, then don't feel guilty. Love you husband for making this sacrifice for you.

    (Besides, people change, things change. I suspect if you do go back, you will find it a very different place.)

  • 9 years ago

    I would move back. If you are close to your family then that is a gift. And a gift that you shouldn't squander especially if you husband is willing. Because grandchildren and grandparents should be close if at all possible.

    And look into better neighborhoods, better location near your family. There might be some places within 45 minutes of your family that you haven't considered living before that are better.

    And there are good people everywhere you go. So maybe sometimes you just have to look harder.

    And as far as weather. -- Well that is another story. But if everything else is great then you can learn to deal with it.

  • D D
    Lv 5
    9 years ago

    You list many positive things about where you live now, but without family around even the bast places to live can be hard to bear. With your parents getting older it's natural to want to make sure your kids have a chance to get to know their grandparents.

    You shouldn't feel guilty about this. Your husband wants what will make you happy. If he is willing to move back there to make you and the kids happy, be thankful for that. Also remember that just because you move back there now does not mean you have to stay there forever. But the time you do spend there will bring your kids closer to the families in the long run and will allow them to build bonds with other family members that will last a lifetime.

    Source(s): I don't particularly like the region we live in, but wife and kids are happy here and it's close to my work. Doesn't mean we will live in this area forever, but for now it's best that we do.
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  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    I think I'd agree that travelling back there once a year for a week is a better overall solution than moving back there permanently.Sure its expensive to travel, but its not free to move either. You'll be unhappy once you are back there as well, so no point in spending the $ to just be unhappy in a different way.

    I'm sure you have a webcam, and at least one family member "back home" must as well (or if not, you can send them one as a gift) and you can use skype to keep in touch outside of the 1 week a year vacation.

  • jzfox
    Lv 4
    9 years ago

    Seems kind of contradictory to say in one sentence how where you are currently at is SO much better for the kids and current situation, but how miserable you are where you are at. Hey, everyone has to make tough choices in their life. I understand wanting to be around family more, but if your life is so much better where you are now at, why move back? Just to be closer to your family. Sounds like you are wanting this more for your own reasons than the kids or the spouse. It was tough when I and my family moved away, but the opportunity for our careers and the life our children were going to have, far outweighed being right there around family. Ended up that some of her family moved closer to us and the rest we see as often as we can. They are VERY understanding about that and wouldn't want us to give up our lives just to be closer.

  • 9 years ago

    Seriously - if it was your husband who was getting depressed and sad about being so far from his family - wouldn't you rather just go back to make him happy? He knows that its best for you and as such, best for his little family. Its better to have a happy mother and wife in a rubbishy place than a miserable one in a great place. Home is where you put your teddybear - and that's that.

  • 9 years ago

    We moved cross country as well and left my family behind and moved to where her family is. I miss some of my old friends and some of my family, but overall it was a great move for us and I don't regret it.

  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    Well, it is a tough choice but you have to live for what is best for your new family. When you married and had kids, they became your first priority and your main family. I know you miss the old friends and family, but, do what is best for the future of you, your husband and your kids. good luck! I would say e mail me but.........................

  • bond
    Lv 7
    9 years ago

    Why not fly back home on holidays or at least a couple times a year.

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