Anonymous asked in Arts & HumanitiesBooks & Authors · 10 years ago

Is this a good intro to my novel?

The warm summer breeze swept through my tousled dirty blonde hair as I sprinted through the Westfield Plaza parking lot to meet Cassie. Our parents were sending us on a two week cruise to the Bahamas as a High School graduation gift. I couldn’t think of a better way to celebrate our newfound adulthood and the beginning of our last summer vacation together. This would be the first trip I would ever be taking without adult supervision and the thought of freedom had me more excited than anything else. Although I was eighteen, my parents treated me like a child and never let me go anywhere alone. Since I would be attending NYU in the fall, they must have decided it was time to loosen the reins.

With only two days left until our flight to Florida took us to our much anticipated cruise to the Bahamas, we had definitely waited until the last minute to shop for our trip. As I approached the entrance, I spotted my best friend pacing impatiently in front of the soda machines, looking down at her phone.

Probably texting me to ‘hurry up’, I silently assumed.

Cassie was always impatient; I was always late. We always came shopping together on Sunday afternoons. Other than the fact that this would be our final shopping trip together before we left for college, there was nothing out of the ordinary about the way this day was starting.


This is the intro to a novel about a rich girl who is kidnapped by three guys. One of them is really sweet to her and protective because he didnt WANT to kidnap her. They fall in love during a roadtrip where she is held hostage.

Tell me what you think

7 Answers

  • 10 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    I think this is a very good way to start a novel off and a very good plot line But i think you should describe the setting more Like is the sun shining or what you feel , what you smell. This is a technique used by writers called Show Don't Tell.

    look at the webpage i have provided below go to resources and click on Show Don't Tell

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  • Anonymous
    10 years ago

    Amazing already! Plus, I think the storyline is actually quite interesting, and seriously would like to read this myself. The idea is so original and that's what books need these days.

    Carry on with it and get it published because i can see this having a good future.


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  • I really like it :)

    PS - My 8 week old puppy is called Cassie lol

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  • 10 years ago

    Mhm it's wonderful I agree with Sabii

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  • 10 years ago

    Wow, that's good like 9 out of 10!! i don't have any critisism!

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  • 10 years ago

    It's good, the last sentence really grabs your attention.

    Good luck!

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  • 10 years ago

    Whoa!!! That was amazing!!! It makes you want to read more!

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