I can't take this. I'm going crazy. My family is bad too. I can't take this. I want to die. I AM dying..?

I bet no one will read this. I don't really care. I break down crying every morning. EVERY morning. I hate the way i look. I want to die every morning. I am dying. I feel like i die every day. I don't really have any friends. Nor do i really want to, i don't like people, they are always failing.... show more I bet no one will read this. I don't really care.

I break down crying every morning. EVERY morning. I hate the way i look. I want to die every morning. I am dying. I feel like i die every day.

I don't really have any friends. Nor do i really want to, i don't like people, they are always failing. I just want to run away.

I suffered bad anxiety last year, but now depression too. Now i have moderate+ depression. I can barely eat from time to time. It makes me sick. I feel sick, i feel like crying, i feel like cutting, binging... i feel sick to my stomach and my head is shooting pain.

•My dad: he is emotionally abusive, he is also an alcoholic; he screams, he yells, he fights, he embarrasses me, he is controlling, he has really bad anger issues. I am actually scared to be around him when we are at home. He knows "everything" and makes fun of me. EX: dinner time, there is steamed broccoli and old, brown salad. (i can't eat anything that is out dated or it freaks me out) i have broccoli on my plate "JESSICA here have some salad" "No thanks i have broccoli" "Well OF COURSE, SHE TAKES EVERYTHING BUT THE SALAD" and makes fun of me, screams at me when i have people over, tells me that i need to go to the gym (Keep in mind, he is 3 inches taller than me, and a 100 pounds heavier) Or he might scream my name in the house 3 times until i appear in front of him for him to say something like "U can put ur feet in the pool" just to be controlling and make me do something. My mom is trying to divorce him, or, was... but she is worried that he would loose this house. He is even worse to my mom. I can't stand him... i fear him really bad.

•My sister: She is 31, 18 years older than me. She is a half sister. I can't remember 1 time where she did something that i really appreciated just for me. Not one time has she helped me when i was crying or was lonely and needed someone to talk to. She uses me to help her around the yard, to send her gifts on stupid games like farmville. She tells me that i should never be bored and that she would be mad if i was because there is "So much to do around the house and i should come to the barn and help her, i could even pick up sticks" but never, will she ever do anything for me. She is very selfish, like her dad. (1/2 sister 31 y.o) She is never nice to me. She get's me to help her with her pony ridBusinessniss and is always pissed off. She is really skinny and pretty with green eyes and everyone in my family compares me to her. She's a b!tchh to me. If she tries to give me "advice" it's always random and it's "All teenage girls think that they're depressed and sh!tt because they're all bi polar.

•My brother-in-law: He is never really nice, he is always drunk. I don't think i have ever held a conversation with him before. He is a few years younger than my sister... i think that he thinks i'm stupid or something...(him and my sister live next door)

•My grandma: She could care less about how i am feeling, she is a drunk old woman. When my dad says something rude to me she giggles along. Nothing i do will ever be enough for her. She is always talking to me like i'm 7 and telling me to "clean up your mess!" which is usually like a water bottle, but... it's a "huge" deal. I can't stand her. She is MEAN. If i say something like "i don't like to swim" she will say "Oh well you have to actually go outside to go swimming" or "oh you will enjoy the baseball game because you won't be on your computer and will actually watch it" she just gripes at me ALL the time.

•My mom: She is the only one that i can... well, stand. I love her the most. What she does do is say stuff like "You're so expensive!" and try to tell me that i am something that isn't good like, that i'm negative, mean, dramatic... and it hurts my feelings. She also says stuff like "talk your self out of it" she is like a giant fortune cookie sometimes...

My mom has been working on a divorce for 3 years. We want to move away but if my dad pays us 2,000 a month... he will lose the house. My mom said that it isn't fair to my grandma or sister. I hate it here so much, there is no way out. We are supposed to be adding on to the house, but that just hasn't/wont happen anytime soon. My mom just wants to wait and then get the house and make my dad live in the add-on. I don't want to wait, i want to get out. I wait for everything and it never happens.

Is there anything i can do to just... feel better? I hate everyone, i have no friends, i am overweight, i'm ugly, i don't have any confidence, and my counselor is annoying as hell. She always sides with my mom, who says i'm whiny. I think i need medication, if i don't feel better than i do now i think that i will
Update: i don't remember a day where no one told me what a ***** up i am.
Update 2: jessisalewis is my IM don't message my email
Update 3: I AM
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