Pregnant with 3rd child, I just don't know what to do!?

Hi,

I have a 3 year old, and a 6 month old baby girl.

2008 & 2009 - we were trying desperately for our second, but lost 4 babies, one being at 19 weeks which was very hard.

2010 - My baby girl was born and we were all thrilled.

Now, just 6 months down the line, I find myself pregnant, even though I used the patch and we only had sex once!! I didn't intend on having another baby, not for atleast 3-5 years anyway. I am due to start a college course to become a midwife in September.

I'm just too scared, this sounds horrible but one minute I'm overjoyed and think that it was meant to be, and the next I am crying my eyes out.

Abortion - I don't think I can do

Adoption - Husband says no

Keep - HOW will I cope??? :(

27 Answers

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  • Best Answer

    I've got two friends with 4 babies...

    One is 21 and had her babies in March 2006 (4y), January 2007 (3y), October 2008 (1.5y) and the newest in April 2010... She has coped soooooo well as each one has come along and with barely any help from family/friends. With every pregnancy she's worried that she won't cope with the extra baby but everytime it's just been so natural to her... She has done her access course and is off to Uni in September to do midwifery :)

    The other is 23 and had her babies in January 2005 (5y), August 2006 (4y), March 2008 (2y) and is due #4 next month... She's also coped amazingly and has gone through a relationship split and met a new man and is happily engaged.

    You will cope, it'll just 'happen' and in a year or two you'll look back and think 'how did I ever doubt myself?'

    Good Luck hun x

  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    I have an 8 month old boy, and I am 21 weeks pregnant today! We planned to have the babies close together, but I didn't actually expect that I'd get pregnant on the first month of trying!

    I know it did cross my mind how I would cope (keeping in mind that this was planned!) but now I am totally used to the idea, and although a little scared, more excited than anything!

    I obviously do not have 2 children like yourself, but you will cope fine. It's normal to feel a bit worried at first, because you need to give yourself time to adjust to the idea, but once you have you'll be more excited than anything else!

    I don't think you would ever forgive yourself if you aborted this child(i know I wouldn't forgive myself), and although adoption is the better option of the two, I don't think you'd be able to cope knowing your child was out there but they couldn't be with you.

    Like other people said, everything happen for a reason and you should see this as a blessing (which it is!)

    Source(s): 8 month old baby boy & 21 weeks pregnant with another boy! x
  • 9 years ago

    If it helps any, my sister and I were only 11 and a half months apart. While it was just the two of us (no third sibling), mum certainly is glad she had us so close together. So maybe look at this as a blessing in disguise! Considering you were on BC and weren't trying, I'd take it as that and keep the child. It might be difficult but it sounds like you've got a supportive husband and family. Plus, if it's another little girl, you can do like my mother and have them be like twins :). When we were toddlers, mum would buy us matching outfits since people thought we were twins anyway (people still think my sis and I are twins haha). I promise you can cope! And if things seem hard, you could always have a friend come round to help once the new baby is born or hire a part-time nanny.

    Source(s): Personal experience
  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    Hi hun

    I want to say Congratultions but not sure its appropriate just yet.

    I really dont know what to say to you.

    Do you have supportive family or ways of having help or the affordability for childcare if you were to work/study Midwifery? As if you do, that might make it an option, you could start the course possibly, or worst case, delay for another year?

    Successful women have babies and manage to work, im not saying it wont be hard but where there is a will there is way (so they say!)

    Half of me thinks it was meant to be or it wouldnt have happend (gosh you two are fertile together ;-) )

    I think only you guys can make the decision, you just need to look at all the options, if you guys are stronger now than you were which you mentioned in previous Q, then thats one good thing already, Harry will be in school, Isla will be possibly able to go into Nursery a little i needed as long as you manage to have some quaility family time all will be ok.

    How far are you now? xxxx

    Good luck with whatever you deicde, follow your gut instinct xx

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  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    Hiya lovely,

    You do know what to do. Being a Mum is you - you can see that you thrive on it and just have that maternal instinct. You will cope. It might be a bit out of my place to say this - but I 100% believe that you will cope better having and keeping the baby than having an abortion.

    It will be hard and you probably will have to put off your studies for a while longer but you will get there. You need to really think about the regrets you might have if you give up on this little one - but you also must think about the implications. Sit and write down the problems or things that you are worried about not coping with? Finances...everyone struggles, but it's not the end of the world as long as you have food and a roof over your head (plus you will get extra CB and tax credits). Actually physically coping with 3? Harry will be almost 4...most tantrum stages are over and Isla will be walking and hopefully sleeping right through the night. You just need extra support from friends and family and from Nick and you can do this.

    I hope that whatever you choose to do that you find it's the right decision. After all your heartache involving your lost babies and little Ruby, you deserve it. Thinking of you xxx

  • 9 years ago

    Wow, congrats. If I were you (I know easy for me to say coz I'm not in your position) I would put studies on hold, have your gorgeous little baba. I've read and answered quite a few of your questions over the past year and a bit and you seem like a natural mum. Sit down with your husband and have an open, honest chat about what both your fears are, why your options are, can you financially, emotionally, physically cope etc with another one and he may hold the answers for you. Good luck with whatever you do, I hope you find the right answer for YOU (and if people give you a hard time, who cares?? if they're gona be that bad then they cant be true friends) Good luck xxx

  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    You are just in shock.

    My mum was the same when she found out she was pregnant with my sister. My dad was working over seas and she already had a 6& 5 year old PLUS she was working full time.

    I remember saying one day while she was tying up my shoes ' mummy are you having a baby?' she was just like 'yes.' I remember all she did was cry when she found out and i didn't understand why she was being like that. Now i do- she was petrified.

    She came round to the idea though- once the shock wore off lol.

    You will find a way to cope :) i bet a few months down the line you are going to be so excited !!!

    X

  • 9 years ago

    I'm a strong believer in everything happens for a reason. You were on the patch and you only had sex ONCE, and yet you are pregnant. Now hunny, to me that sounds like it was SUPPOSE TO HAPPEN for a reason! Harry will almost be 4, Isla will be 15 months. Another baby into that mix shouldn't be too hard! You've had the huge shock of 1 to 2 babies. I've heard that its not near as hard going to 3 :) Money and time will be tight, but think of all the AMAZING things babies have to offer!! I know you are stressing out right now and are in complete shock. Talk to your parents about it. Talk to close friends about it. Talk to each other about it. Don't do something so rash so fast, as to abort. Everything may seem dark and bleek for awhile, but give it sometime to sink in... Remember when you keep saying you were ready for another after #2 was born... think of that again :)

  • 9 years ago

    Hi huni,

    If i was you id have a look talk with ur hubby and ask him what he would like and if he says keep the baby then you need to tell him that he will have to help you alot more than he does already as there will be 3 children for you to look after.

    If you look at it this way.

    in 9 months time.... baby number 1 will be almost 4 if not 4 already and will soon be starting school,

    baby number 2 will be 15 months so she will be getting a little bit of Independence but will still need alot of help but it will be easyer.

    if it was me id go ahead and keep the baby as all your kids will be around the same age and will grow up together nicely.

    There are lots of things you can do to help with college, depending on you finacial situation, the children could all go to private nursery which will cost alot but you may be entitled to some help with that from the goverment, there are also some colleges that have a creche that your children could go to. you could go to college part time or evening in the evening then you hubby can look after the babys while you at college.

    Hope this help hun xxx

  • Anonymous
    5 years ago

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