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who am i? about me, a poem?
Maybe u can help....
Who am I?
I didnt used to give a ****.
Thats my problem now.
I care too much about what others think.
What the **** happened to me?
I'd say it because of responsibility.
I'm a 22 yr old mother of two.
I wake up way to early now.
I've havnt slept through the night in over 3 years.
Ive been changing diapers just as long.
I'm the bill payer,
The budget setter,
The appointment maker,
The oil and brake changer,
and a gardner.
I'm the driver.
I have to be there on time....or else.
The ride may be rocky
But your lucky to be in my car.
I'm a really good listener.
I try hard to be a good friend and give good advice.
Im like a counselor.
Everyone tells me thier problems.
Mine are worse. Haha
I mean maybe they are getting better?
Im sympathetic, maybe too much.
I let people walk all over me,
Thats definately not who i used to be.
What happened again?
I became a mother.
thats no excuse.
What really happened?
Oh ya i rededicated my life to the lord in 2008.
Why do i seriously always forget that is the reason?
I started to act a certain way.
I wanted people to know i was a christian by my works.
I tried to act different in public.
I donated time and money.
I prayed for people.
i wanted to be the best christian.
I changed my life.
I stopped drinking.
I stopped cheating.
I stopped lying.
I got really happy.
I started going to college.
The stress started to build.
I miss my kids.
Is this right?
Started drinking again
Going to clubs
Im getting smarter.
I learned how to be a good mother.
Now i just need to learn how to put it into effect.
I feel like i try so hard that i fail.
I often feel like a failure, even now.
I have so many mixed emotions.
Iv'e been through so much.
I want to tell people but no one understands.
My husband thinks i should get over it.
Is it that bad? Other people go through worse.
Why do i always want to talk about my life?
Do i want people to feel sorry for me?
What the **** is wrong with me?
Oh ya. Maybe because:
I was possibly sexually abused as a child.
We moved from place to place,
I never had friends.
I remeber watching porn at 8 years old.
My parents were drug addicts.
My dad called me a fatass ***** all the time.
At 9 my mother was murdered.
I moved from gmas to aunts.another new school.
I went to court and visitations.
My grandma told me what i needed to say.
At 11 my brother and i were having incestual relations. Along with the neighborhood kids.
I had no self worth.
My aunt told me i needed surgery to lose weight so i would be prettier.
I wasnt that overweight, but soon i would be.
I always wanted to start trouble.
My older brother became a meth addict.
My grandma was brainwashing all of us to hate our dad.
I started seeing ghosts and being terrified of the dark.
My aunt and uncle would fight.
My grandma wasn't the same, i thought she hated me. She said i was full of hate, but really she was.
My little baby brother was so confused i felt so bad for him.
Dysfunction became normal.
So now im in college and recognize the dyfunction and how my childhood affected me.
My professor says im lucky to be alive and not a drug addict on the streets.
Codys a drug addict (i wonder why grandma?)
Jesse's been diagnosed with skitzophrenia (hmmm another mystery, right?)
Josh seems alright but im scared for him, so scared.
I have had thoughts that i might be going a little crazy, off and on over the past few years.
I found out the TRUTH.
The truth of who my mother was.
I found out all the lies ive been told.
All the manipulation that has gone on.
I found out my dad has always loved me.
I found out i am more like him than anyone and i found out i love him. (Despite all the evil trying to keep me from it)
Its been hard to find out that i grew up living a lie. That all the hate i did have was pointing in the wrong direction.
I live with multiple personalities now.
I have to act.
I dont know which one of me is real.
WHO AM I?
Sometimes i want to know more about my past but with each new truth life gets harder. My heart has been broken so many times by so many people, in so many different ways.
Ive been ripped apart and put back together so many times.
Thats why i am this way.
I've been broken too many times.
I dont really trust people or the future.
I do have god and i love him and thank him for what i have. I am grateful for the good things.
But its hard to just forget, because if i do, it may just happen again.
I have learned a lot:
This world is a evil place
Our society is corrupt
Most people only love money.
There is so much suffering that people just ignore.
Why do they ignore it?
I want to help
- Anonymous1 decade agoFavorite Answer
My long lost love
at times i feel alone
i don't know what to do
this sadness if only i were with you
i live each day to find
that bright light shinning
ray upon me
alone in this world
i don't know what to do
just sit here and wait for you
people tell me to forget
but why it's so hard
i had no inspiration
i find this so hard
i want to cry a thousand tears
i really do want you hear
deep down inside i see
a world with you and me
but now i see another like me
so much was lost but hey thats
now that i have found inspiration
what is there to hate
i must look at whats here now
and never relate
my past from present every moments
so please don't resist
By: little ariSource(s): amazing poem your words have struck me your life is amazing your a star that shines no matter the circumstances your amazing don't ever loose that shine let me tell you who you are you are a caring person and you have a big heart your good and all thats there don't get lost theres no reason for you too. hun the worst has all ready happened to you and you still smile, Don't worry anymore just put that stuff in the past move on to your bright new future, don't ever look back at the stuff god has givin your now a family a new life a husband a job an education you got it all. SO now just shine
- GovindaLv 41 decade ago
Sad poem and yet the poem of the life of most people and animals in this planet.
When I was kid I made a poem but I wrote as I was an animal being leading to the extinction.
I was too young, later at 15 I made a poem as seeing and felt by an animal being rised, fed, fattened and lead to the slaughterhouse.
With the suffering of the animals all over around me, on my plate as food with my own suffering, I decide to seek for the Lord, if it was any.
I looked around, inside and out myself and other being, i read many holy books and philosophies.
Who amI, who is God, why do we live in this suffering place, why do we born and die, what is the Nature? To find these answers were more painful than be hungry or abused.
Finally the Lord was merciful and all my answers were given and the meaning of life revealed to me by reading the Srimad Bhagavad Gita, www.asitis.com
- 1 decade ago
Your very creative & quiet normal perhaps you
could do with some emotional support
so you can rest.
Good On You!
14th Year Psychology / Counselling Student.
4th Year Hypnotism Student.
32 Years Qualified Auto Tech.