Meddling and Criticizing Relatives?

In 1997, I lost my father from cancer and after the funeral, relatives came out of the woodwork to blame myself for causing his emotional and financial damage that they have no proof of and which was not true. My younger sister was left alone, my relatives never bothered her at all, I took it all and of course they offered advice telling me to do this and behave like that and to take care of this...blah blah blah as if the death did not stun and punished me enough. Last Mar2009 on my birthday, my mom died from an aneurysm and the same damn crap happened all over again. Aside from my sister and a cousin or two, I decided to stay away from all my other relatives and even told some to never ever see or talk to me again from the rest of our lives. I still feel the weight and irritation from this, any suggestions how I can deal with this?

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  • 1 decade ago
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    aye, they sound bad. my advice is to try and make up with them. not that you'll be best buds, but at least you won't have estranged family members. what they've done to you, blaming you for your dad's death and your mom's is bizarre, ridiculous, not to mention STUPID. they're probably feeling guilty for not spending more time with them or trying to unload their anger or sadness on you. they thought, you older, let's spare the youngest and crap all over the oldest. YEAH, that's smart. haha, i'm getting a little angry just thinking about it happening to me.(: but try to acknowledge that they were kind of traumatized by the deaths. i would tell them that they hurt you and angered you by saying these things to you, but you're willing to try and have a decent relationship with them, despite the past. it might not work, they might get angry and say that they were right, which they weren't. just say, ok, believe what you want, and leave. you no longer have an obligation to try anymore to keep a good relationship. hopefully it works out. i'm sorry bout your parents, by the way/:

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