Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Society & CultureEtiquette · 1 decade ago

What is wrong with being a "direct" person?

I am a very direct person. Tell it like it is, honest, straight to the point. I dont mean it in a harmful way and appreciate when others are the same with me. Obviously, if someone looks bad I dont say. Hey you look like s*it. More like with relationships, work etc. What is the big deal? I hate fake phoney people who tiddle wink and skirt around issues or lie. These are the people who I feel dont like my ways. However they are fake say one thing turn around and do or say something the contrary behind the other persons back.

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  • E-ma
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    I think the only "wrong" thing is that it's not common in our culture.

    People, being vain by nature, have a need to hear comments packaged in a pretty bundle of words.

    Being direct is considered as being aloof, insensitive, tactless, & uncaring.

    We show people we care by being sensitive with their feelings.

    I like a direct approach when I'm in a hurry (at work) or need to solve a problem (in relationship) & I don't want to get side tracked.

    I have found this is possible w/ friends after getting to know each other & letting them realize you are not that "tender" & if they're not, then you can have those times of being direct or blunt.

    When I'm not in the mood for trivialities at a social setting and someone wants to talk to me, I can tell them up front, "I don't do chit-chat very well. I love to have meaningful conversations, if you are up for that?" --- I've had people walk away b/c they were just trying to get in "face time." But I have also really enjoyed people who stayed to talk b/c they didn't like chit-chat either.

    My best friend & I had this direct speak system worked out in a fast paced job. If I stopped in her office to ask if she had time to talk or go to lunch & she couldn't, all she had to say was "No." I'd walk away knowing that she was busy & we'd talk about her hectic day when we left work for a drink. BUT no one else knew we were friends b/c they had seen the way she "treated" me. They called her the office b-tch. The difference being she talked to all people that way. She was focused on the job at work & felt we were not being paid to socialize. I got that. I let her know it was okay to be brief w/ me. But I think that's conduct best done with a social contract such as she & I had. Other people just don't understand b/c it's too different.

    Tact is needed to not break down a person's fragile self worth.

    For example, I was asked to speak with an employee b/c others did not want to sit near her b/c of her odor. I could have pulled her aside & said, "You smell like cat sh-t." To which she probably would have cried & been worthless at work the rest of the shift. So w/ tact, I pulled her aside & said, "I need to ask you to go home & change your clothing to something freshly washed. The other employees said there is a strong odor of cat feces coming from your clothing. I know you have a lot of cats so this might be an odor you are used to, but for those of us w/o cats, it's too strong to work around. Take your time. Wash laundry if you need to. I can't pay you, but there will be no record of you missing a shift b/c I'm the one asking you go home to take care of things."

    She had no tears. She genuinely asked, "Is it really that bad?" I answered, "Yes, but it's not that bad. You saved 5 cats by adopting them. Now you just have to learn to live w/ them w/o it affecting the job."

    This route kept a good employee that came back b/c she wasn't completely humiliated & scared to show her face. Had I just said, "Go home & don't come back until you smell right," I would have lost a loyal employee. So I guess we use tact to maintain or salvage our relationship w/ those around us. Even if it's a brief relationship at the check-out window of a drive-thru.

    Since everybody has worth & value, we go the extra distance to show them that in our everyday speech. We never know when & where we will meet someone that we have previously treated w/ little value.

    You should look at the movie, "The Invention of Lying." It shows what society would be like if we all spoke the basics of how we really felt. http://www.imdb.com/video/imdb/vi2028667417/

    All one way or the other seems way off balance. That's why I appreciate having made friendships that are mature enough for those times when being direct is easiest.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Number one, wait until your opinion is asked. Number two, be prepared to admit it when you've made a mistake, given bad advice, or misunderstood the problem.

    If you can keep those two things in mind, then I think being direct is good. If you can't remember 1 & 2 100% of the time, you need to keep your mouth shut. This forum is great for us direct talkers, because we are answering questions others have asked, and can always be direct; not always true in real life, so sometimes you have to warn people that you will only answer their question if they accept your opinion un-sugarcoated and direct.

  • 1 decade ago

    The facts are not everyone is like you. And to get along in society, we all need to be considerate of other people. So, while you are direct and prefer to be blunt, most everyone else needs cushioning in their dialogue, pleasantries. And many times, people do not wish to hear unsolicited negative remarks, which you may feel are just helpful comments. While it's not necessary for you, you need to remember that it's necessary to the people around you that you be gentle and tactful.

  • 6 years ago

    There is absolutely nothing wrong with being like that. i am exactly like that as well. I think the issue that people like us most commonly run into are the people who cannot (for whatever reason) handle the absolute truth. Most people need a dose of sugar with the truths they are told. But in my eyes that is not the truth. I like and admire people who can tell people like it is. I look for that trait in people and have found that it is a genuinely rare thing to possess. The only guy I have ever met that was as blunt as me is flipping awesome. I hate liars, fakes and people who sugar coat. I see no point in it.

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  • Maria
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    There is nothing wrong with being direct but sometimes diplomacy and tact are more appropriate than bluntness.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Some people just can't handle the truth.

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