Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsOther - Family & Relationships · 10 years ago

Was I Raped? (Long... Sorry)?

I asked this a few months ago, but i dont think people fully understood what happened, So here's the whole story.

When i was 15 i was with my first boyfriend, he was 18. I have always found it romantic to lay naked next to someone you love, and at the time i thought i loved him. So one day, just before he graduated, we curled up together in his bed naked. He began telling me how he didn't want to go off to collage a virgin, (i was his first kiss and everything) and i made it very clear that i wasn't ready to have sex and that he probably will go to university a virgin so long as he's with me. I apologized, but let him know i simply wasn't ready. Not even 5 minutes later, he climbed on top of me trying to do it. I told him to stop and get off and he did. He apologized and went back to cuddling me. a few moments later he tried again... This is something he did pretty much every time we fooled around. If i told him no, he would keep trying to do stuff until i just gave up and let him (we had fooled around before, just not intercourse, he used to do it alot of with fingering and stuff like that) I kept saying to stop and he kept rolling over and saying he was sorry. I was a very shy person, even with him, and didn't like to stir the pot. Now that im older, i understand that i should have gotten up and left, but at the time i didn't want to make a big deal out of it, so i stayed and cuddled. The third time he tried, he didn't listen when i said to stop and he began to try and do it. I yelled at him that it hurt to much and told him to get off of me. he did listen for only a moment then tried again. when i finally yelled at him to get off the last time, i got up immediately and put my clothes back on. I told him that i promised my mom i would be home soon and asked him to drive me home. He seemed very angry at me, but drove me home anyway. The whole ride he kept asking if i was ok and i told him i was fine. When i got home i cried, and told him that night on the phone that i odnt want to do that again. and told him how upset i was and that i cried. he didn't understand why i was upset and i think he thought i also wanted to do it... how he thought this, i dont know.

A lot of people say it wasn't rape because even though i said no, i let it happen a few times before i finally got up and because i stayed with him after that and it didn't happen again. they also say i consented because i was the one whos idea it was to get naked even though it had nothing sexual at all behind it, i just liked the skin touching skin while cuddling (which i still enjoy with my current boyfriend). And lastly, people say, because he didn't break my hymn and i wasn't held down and forced, that it wasn't rape.

On the other side, people say that because i said no, multiple times, and asked him to stop multiple times, that it was rape, which i think.

For the record, this was 5 years ago and i have no intention of taking him to court for it. I also do not what to hear how it was stat rape, becuase i was under the age of concent, because when that happened the age of consent in canada was 14, and thats not the answer im looking for.

Do you think i was raped or do you think i consented?

Hopefully im not missing any info here.

Thank you

Update:

PS: I can ly naked next to my current boyfriend with no sexual act taking place or even being attempted. He understands that it isn't a sexual thing, its a comforting thing, and i did explain this to my ex before getting naked. Like i said, this specific thing didn't happen before, him trying to fool around in other ways even when i said no, did happen. he did try to penetrate me but i screamed that it hurt too much, i did bleed. Keep in mind, he was my first boyfriend and i thought i was in love with him, i was a stupid teenage girl and hadn't yet learned to stand up for myself. I would have punched him in the face for doing that if it was me now. Rude comments about how i should have expected it are so inappropriate to the question, no one should ever expect to be taken advantage of. i may not know if i was raped but i do know what happened wasn't right and i didn't deserve it. and NO IM NOT TAKING HIM TO COURT! lol

23 Answers

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  • John
    Lv 5
    10 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    You were not Raped.

    You made some bad choices and they went sour to say the least.

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  • 10 years ago

    I have been raped before. So, I know all about it. You wasn't raped. Almost yes. Be very glad that you actually wasn't because it's something I wouldn't want anyone to go through. He was a jerk point blank. Although ya'll may have been cuddling naked, doesn't give him the right to do what he did. He should have respected your wishes... And, I see where people say... Well, you were laying with him naked what do you expect! That's bullcrap. You can lay beside the person you love naked or not. He should respect you and your decisions. I'm sorry for what happened to you sweetheart. But, I'm giving you advice from experience. You now have a boyfriend who I assume loves you and treats you right. I would forget this and the guy who disrespected you and move on with your life. Put it in the past and continue to grow as a women and person. I wish you the best of luck in life. God Bless!

    Source(s): Experience!
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  • 10 years ago

    You were very young and the fact that you were in a compromising position NAKED at such an early age, there is a misunderstanding on both your parts. It is not OK for him to continue to try to have sex with you, but it is also not OK for you to lay anywhere with anyone with your clothes off. The intent whether meant or not was some kind of sexual gesture be it good or bad. It is always good to see a gynecologist and have her do an examination to ensure you have not contracted anything that would endanger your health. the definition is defined as the following: Rape is usually defined as a NON-CONSENSUAl act of sexual battery against another person. It is considered an act of violence rather than a purely sexual act. It is very difficult sometimes to determine whether an actual 'rape' has taken place, since penetration and/or ejaculation do not necessarily have to take place, and sometimes courts have a hard time determining when the act became "non-consensual". It's very difficult to pin down. For example, lets say a man and woman are having sex and in the middle of the act, the woman decides she doesn't want to go through with it. She tells her partner to stop, and he does, withdrawing before ejaculation. Did he rape her? What if he doesn't stop? Can a woman change her mind mid-way through the act? These are difficult questions for the legal system to determine. Rape can be, and usually is, a very traumatic event for the victim. But it can be equally traumatic for a man who is charged with rape but is innocent. The blame is not whether you consent or not, but your emotional and psychological well being. If you are still troubled after all this, then I would encourage you to visit a counselor. Good luck!

    Source(s): I got the definition from Wikianswers
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  • Anonymous
    10 years ago

    You were both just daft kids. Yeah, he shouldn't have gone that far, and fair play to him for actually not going further, it could have been a lot worse. Also, you shouldn't have been naked for so long next to him. It meant different things to him. Now, I really hope you don't report him, as it would ruin the rest of his life. Totally not worth it. Were you raped? I think to say you were raped belittles the really violent rapes that women sadly do suffer. My advice would be to forget about it and get on with your life.

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  • Anonymous
    4 years ago

    This Site Might Help You.

    RE:

    Was I Raped? (Long... Sorry)?

    I asked this a few months ago, but i dont think people fully understood what happened, So here's the whole story.

    When i was 15 i was with my first boyfriend, he was 18. I have always found it romantic to lay naked next to someone you love, and at the time i thought i loved him. So one day,...

    Source(s): raped long sorry: https://shortly.im/kwcJj
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  • 10 years ago

    You were raped! Even though you let happen before it was because you were so young and "in love" I guess that you didn't want to disappoint. But saying no and stop means to stop and if he didn't that's rape....I'm sorry this happened to you. The best thing to do is tell somebody about it and try to get help. If you want to press charges then go for it, but it was wrong in what he did to you.

    The only thing you really did wrong was put yourself in a compromising situation. With you laying and cuddling next to him naked...Is well tempting. I mean it was bound to happen so way or another. Even though when you said no he should have stopped and just moved on, but instead every 5 minutes later he would try to penetrate you.

    I'm sorry this happen to you :( If you ever need to talk about it just email me. I'm always willing to help. Although I would suggest confiding in a close friend or somebody you trust. The other people who told you, you weren't raped are wrong. Sweetie you were and what he did was inexcusable.

    Hope this helps you in some way....

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  • 6 years ago

    It doesn't matter whether it was consent or rape or whether it was not consent nor rape. It doesn't matter if the law says this or the law says that. It also doesn't matter whether you said "no" multiple times and he did, indeed, stop.

    What you are pretty much asking is even though you were getting to the point where you were being forcibly put into sexual contact against your will but never really gone through with it, the law must abide to everything that happens for you to CONSIDER it a rape or consent, (and by what you are saying, you may still not report it. Perhaps you are just trying to figure out the facts of it, but not the facts of it for the right reason).

    Honey, you need to realize that you can live by the law and take it literally, where every single incident that happens has to be according to the law to be LAW-OFFENSE.

    Now, let me ask you this: Do you know if it is rape or consent? If no, you should figure that out. If yes, what have you done about it? Have you sat around happy about the new knowledge you have gained, but still haven't gone around sharing it with authorities, and possibly even your boyfriend, to lead to the better future of yourself AND EVEN him?

    The big problem with our generation these days in terms of self-protectiveness is their inability to know when to speak up. When you stay quiet, know all who you are hurting. Not only are you keeping yourself in mental shock forever until the problem is resolved, but also not allowing the mistake of your boyfriend to be fixed through his gained acknowledgement of his actions and how he can fix it in the future.

    Stand up tall. Speak. Help.

    Sometimes being silent has to end. Silence brings knowledge, but all that knowledge has to come out eventually.

    Speak. Stand up tall. Help.

    06/16/2014 - The changing period starts NOW.

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  • 10 years ago

    Even if you have let it happen before doesn't mean it can happen whenever he wants, especially when you really just stopped protesting. If you say "no" you have withdrawn your consent and so if you are forced afterwards it is rape. This is why people can be raped by their partners even after years of being together and having sex.

    I hope this helps clear things up, hope you are well and I wish you the best.

    Source(s): Myself
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  • 3 years ago

    Rape Yahoo Answers

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  • Anonymous
    10 years ago

    Well it's not really rape, it's like sexual harassment/moslation. That's so horrible though, I'm sorry that happened. A girl should never do anything she doesn't want to do. Have you told your parents? If you haven't I would just in case he tries to harm another girl.

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  • 10 years ago

    That must have been horrible for you. I believe from what I've read that it was rape and just because you didn't glue your legs together DOES NOT mean you consented. Do you believe you consented? It shouldn't matter to you what others think because it was you who experienced it but I am quite sure I'm right in saying that anyone in that situation would consider it rape.

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