38wks pregnant and caught husband masturbating....?

so I am 38wks 1day preg and this morning was the 2nd time i caught my fiance masturbating. the first time i was around 4 1/2 months and i found him in the comp room masturbating to porn. i firmly told him that if i caught him doing it again i would leave him bc preg or not someone would be very happy to please me. now i have to add that during this pregnancy i haven't been up for sex as much and its been frustrating to me as much as him bc i love being intimate with him. he hasn't been completely cut off we have sex and if not then I'd help him relieve himself. he is open with me about everything else i told him to be open to me about his sexual frustrations bc i could help him one way or another. but i have had enough i woke up to him masturbating while on the toilet and he tried to deny it at first and was very embarrassed but the point is we started having sex again and in the ways we used to.. I just feel tired of having to be ok with it. im sexually frustrated as well and am very tired of being preg and holding everything in. i know men masturbate but if you can get it from ur girl then why do it? especially if i hav a prob with it(btw he has cheated and lied before so im not as open sexually like i use to be meaning watching porn together and stuff like that.)

has anyone went thru this and if so what did you do? some advice would be nice bc im young and even tho im going to be a mother i do not have to put up with always being betrayed.

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  • 10 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    hey trust me i know how you feel... when i was 16 wks pregnant i caugh my hubby masterbating to porn (we'd only been married for 3 days) i was crushed, alot of it was hormones and alot of it was the fact that my husband told me he knew i was pregnant and because my body was changing i wasn't feeling as sexy as i used to and he swore that i was the only person he ever wanted to see naked and that i was the only person that did it for him sexually... the worst part about it was that i'd tried to have sex with him a few hours before and he told me he wasn't in the mood, i went to the store and came back in under an hour and there was was on the couch beating off to porn. we had a huge fight and i swore if he did it again i'd leave him.

    well 3 months later i found porn downloaded on his com. he said he hadn't watched it yet but had planned to when i was out of town... i kicked him out of the house and gave myself some time to vent. we are still together but it was hard

    let yourself relax right now you have a lot going on with hormones and emotions, and i know this will sound like i'm defending him but i'm just going to try to help you see it in a different way...

    he wasn't watching porn, he wasn't touching another girl, he wasn't having sex with someone else... Pregnancy is hard and i'm willing to bet that he knows it, he has seen how tired you have been and he's seen how sick you got with morning sickness, he knows when (if) you have problems sleeping and i bet he knows that even with your changing body and crazy mood swings and days when you just feel like crap that you are really trying to be there for him in a sexual way, he MIGHT be trying to help you out, that's how guys are made, they try to fix things and most don't like to cause problems.

    he probably thought you weren't going to be happy if he woke you up for sex, hell he was probably peeing and shook it too many times and it felt good so he just went with it.

    as for the history of cheating and lying... again i have been there and that is why i'd not open to porn anymore either, i'm telling you i know where you are coming from. and i'm young too (just 21) i know how it all feels... it seems like he has betrayed you again and that he lied (because i bet when you told him not to do it any more he swore he wouldn't) but it's ok. it's not the worst thing he could do AND it's not worth it to end the relationship.

    the best thing to do is tell how hurt you are and try to explain to him why you feel like that, 1 part hormones, 1 part past actions, 1 part he said he wouldn't do it anymore and 10 parts you want to be there to take care of that need for him and when he does it without you, you don't feel needed and it makes you feel rejected. by posting and asking for advice i can tell you don't want to lose him, this mistake isn't worth throwing everything away and you know it. so tell him exactly that but let him know that your anger should let him know how much it hurts you.

    good luck with the baby and hang in there, it'll seem like sooooooo small of an issue in the long run (i promise)

    Source(s): sounds like my life. i'm 38 wks pregnant and i have hormones.
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  • Anonymous
    10 years ago

    Believe it or not, all men masturbate. It is a natural thing. You shouldn't get upset about it, especially if you're not putting out as much right now. Don't feel bad about your decrease in sex drive. I'm only 23 weeks and I never want sex - I just want to go to sleep:) Maybe you should calmly and lovingly talk to him about where and when he does it - and stop making him feel bad for doing it. Maybe he needs to be a little more discrete about it, but make that the objective, not that you want him to stop. He's not going to stop, no matter how hard you try. Don't think of his masturbating as him betraying you, because it has nothing to do with you. If a man doesn't relieve himself, it is actually quite painful for him. Also, don't ask him when he does it. That's embarrassing. If you would stop hounding him about this personal matter, things would get a lot less tense. Just focus on the beautiful baby you're about to bring into the world and all that other stuff shouldn't matter.

    Source(s): Similar situation not long ago
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  • 10 years ago

    Whether you want him to or not, he will. If you keep nagging him about it, he'll get sneakier about it. Do you want that? You're going to have to get over it. Almost all men masturbate, and a lot of them also watch porn. Facts of life. The faster you get over it and be more open about it, the faster you'll both feel better. Just remember he physically and mentally has needs. It's nothing personal with you, and he's not betraying you by doing it. My husband masturbates as well, we're both very open about it. I don't see anything wrong with it. It's nature, nothing they can help. Hope things work out for the best. At least you're almost through with your pregnancy! Good luck.

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  • Halo
    Lv 4
    10 years ago

    Sheesh, Get over yourself!! If he has cheated on you in the past and you cant forgive and forget you should never of got pregnant to him, and you shouldn't be with him.

    If you have forgive him and put it behind you then i don't know why you are bothered about him doing it. He is a man, He has needs that you wont always be able to satisfy. So you woke up and caught him doing it, Maybe he woke up horny and didn't like to wake you for sex, because it is a well known fact that pregnant women need their sleep!!

    EDIT : Im actually glad my boyfriend does it, It means he doesn't pester me for sex as much. Im only 23weeks and 4days pregnant and i sure as hell dont feel like taking part most of the time! I just dont like him leaving the crusty tissues next to the bed afterwards!!

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  • Anonymous
    10 years ago

    Even men who have sex every day with their girlfriend/wife masturbate, its perfectly natural and you should stop nagging him about it. I watch porn and masturbate if I feel like it, I wouldn't like my partner telling me what to do with my body, I don't tell him not to masturbate.

    You are super sensitive right now because you are pregnant. The fact he cheated before and is now masturbating doesn't mean he's going to cheat again it just means he's horny and needs release.

    He could be afraid of hurting the baby and so isn't enjoying physical sex so much with you (not your fault of course). Don't issue ultimatums over something as trivial as masturbating its just not worth it. Talk to him without judging him. You guys have a got a lot of emotional upheaval coming up with the birth, best to be on the same side.

    Source(s): had 2 babies
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  • 10 years ago

    I had the same problem when I was pregnant. I think that maybe men think women don't want to have sex when they are pregnant or it freaks them out that their child is inside of you. Masturbation is normal, but I get how you feel. When you're pregnant you don't feel your best to begin with and catching your partner doing that makes you feel like he isn't attracted to you which I am sure he still is. You are also pretty far along maybe he doesn;t want to induce your labour or is afraid of your water breaking on him. Also be happy he is master bating and not cheating. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy.

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  • 10 years ago

    To ask a man to stop masturbating is completely irrational. Sometimes we dont ALWAYS want to deal with foreplay, romance, trying to please the woman were with, the cuddling, and everything that comes with sex. Think about it, masturbation is an easy way to achieve and orgasm. I can see how your uncomfortable with your fiancée masturbating to porn as he's viewing other women naked, but would you rather he go have sex with another woman? All in all this doesn't seem like something to get stressed over, just know he doesn't find you any less sexually attractive because he masturbates, he just wants an easy quick way to reach climax.

    Source(s): Being a man
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  • 10 years ago

    Oh good grief.... Leave him, then. But don't be surprised when your next partner also does it. Heck, I'm married(have been for over five years) and my husband does it from time to time. Does it bother me? No. It's natural and NORMAL for men to masturbate. He's not cheating on you and he's not betraying you. The majority of healthy men do this.

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  • Anonymous
    5 years ago

    Stop feeling guilty, ashamed or worried about your addiction to Porn, Masturbation, or other sexual behaviors.

    Masturbation can be used in a positive, healthy way that improves your life. I'll show you how: http://masturbationcontrol.info/Sexual-Health-1406...

    Masturbation and porn addictions lead to shame, guilt, and worry. All potentially disabling emotions. In fact, you probably feel a combination of these feelings right now. I know I did.

    But the more I understood about why I was using porn and masturbation to hide from my problems, the closer I moved towards acting in a sexually healthy manner. I'll walk you through several exercises designed to help you understand yourself and how you came to have this addiction.

    Right now, you are engaged in negative, probably compulsive masturbation. You are abusing your natural ability to enjoy your body. The Healthy Sexuality System will teach you how to comfortably change your negative masturbation practices into positive ones. We will help you rid yourself of your masturbation addiction, and allow you to still enjoy the benefits of positive, healthy masturbation.

    The 6 simple steps I'm going to take you through to overcome your masturbation, porn, or other sexual addiction addiction – http://masturbationcontrol.info/Sexual-Health-1406...

  • 10 years ago

    To ask another human being not to honor the biology of their own body is not a reasonable request. Perhaps setting boundaries as in, "please do it in the bathroom with door closed" or "please masturbate when I am not home". Since you had already asked him not to do this, it sounds like you feel betrayed that he masturbated anyway. Again, it's his body, his choice to touch it. I would ask you to ask yourself is it the actual act of masturbation or was it the fact that he was watching porn. Did the porn make you feel cheated on. Even in healthy loving relationships that are sexually active, men still masturbate, it's in their DNA. I would be worried if he didn't. Sounds like the two of you need to problem-solve intimacy as you will not be able to have sex postpartum for at least another six-weeks. Best of luck to you.

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